Just need a few words of advice. I have been in a relationship for the past 6 years and have a 1 yr old child with another due in two months. I recently found out that my partner was having an affair (2months) with a co-worker. I moved out of our home with our baby and now he says he wants to reconcile. The thing is, his new woman might be expecting and I am at a loss as to what to do next. I still love him and want to work things out for the sake of our children.
I wouldn't claim mine are words of wisdom but maybe worth considering.
You must give it a chance for reconciliation as this might be a misjudgement on his part. For the sake of the one and the other arrival, pls work it out. The worst thing will be for the kids to grow up without a dad. Until he can prove that he can seriously take you and the kids seriously, keep your options open.
I'm in a dilemma with near separation but with lovely kids; and it's proving a hard decision to make. As it stands, this is the only option that had to be taken though, for the sake of the kids. My wife and I think it'd be better this way.
Goodluck to you.
I think your man is enjoying eating his cake.
Of course he wants to reconcile with you and he'll want to do the same with his other women as well. Don't forget she's also having his child, and whatever you decide I'm afraid that the other women will probably be in the picture for sometime.
It's hard for most women because we have what you call a heart and we tend to make our desicions based purely on the love we feel. I wouldn't be telling you anything you probably haven't already heard but take your time with whatever it is you decide. Don't rush. Have a big think and wait until you've gotten over all those mixed & confused emotions your feeling.When the time is right then decide.I know you want to do the right thing by your children and you say you love him but,in the meantime just be civil towards the bastard.You might see it all in a different light.
Hi I am a stud. I feeel or an am very sorry and ma heart is full of sorrow over what your husbands done to you. I am or maynot give you the right words of wisdom but how I feel I wanna share with you. But you make the decision, I hope you do.
First of all please take your time to think and respond to his reconcillation plan. It's not that easy to come to a compromise with your lover. Man do have respect - some, not all - to their first woman. (honestly, I hate guys who does that to ladies). Some women are tough. They tell the lover to give up the other lady or else facce the consequences. But what I am tell you is TAKE YOUR TIME, THINK, ANALYSE, and then MAKE YOUR DECISION. You might wanna go to ladies who have being through it and see advice.
Good Luck!!!
OK,FIRST OF ALL,SIMPLE STUD YOU SHOULD BRAND YASELF STUPID STUD...
OK,THE MATTER AT HAND HERE IS WE GOTTA HELP OUT THIS MOTHER...
FOR YOUR INFO,IM A GUY.
YOU GOTTA REMEMBER THAT WE WERE BROUGHT UP IN TRADITIONS AND CUSTOMS THAT SEE POLYGAMY AS A NORMAL THING...I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE PROS AND CONS OF POLYGAMY AND I THINK, IT IS BASICALLY, A TICKING TIMEBOMB...GIRL, MY ADVISE TO YOU IS 'DUMP'THIS GUY....YOU WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU FELT FOR HIM WHEN HE WAS YA MAN....KIDS WILL GROW UP-PERIOD....ALL THE KIDS NEED IS A FIGURE WHO THEY CAN LEARN GOOD MORALES AND ETHICS..ie YOU ...THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS BRING UP KIDS IN A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT AND HAVE THEM TRAUMATISED...BELIEVE ME,THE SCARS NEVER HEAL....
YOU HAVE SERVED YOUR PURPOSE AS A WOMAN...YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN GIFTS....DO NOT RUB THESE GIFTS IN THE TRASH THAT YOU ARE COMING OUT OF.....THERE ARE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE WHO MWILL SEE YOU FOR THE GOOD PERSON YOU ARE....
TAKE MY ADVISE....IN THE LONG RUN IT WILL PAYOFF....
Thankyou for your advice and I will take your words to heart. My kids are my priority and I will do whatever it takes to raise them as best I can but like you said I am keeping my options open until he can prove that he is trustworthy again. We are talking daily and trying to solve through issues.
Do you really believe he might be able to be trusted again. Do you really think if you get back together you will believe what ever story if comes up with for coming home late or not at all? For goodness sake wake up will you luvvy. He's in love with you all, and I'm afraid if you take him back you might also like to consider accepting the other silly twit he's been fooling around with & who also may be expecting his child. These are things you are going to have to accept if you do have him back. Remember there are babies involved in all this, babies that need to be loved and cared for, & sometimes it's better with one good parent than two hopeless fools!
My suggestion to avoid any physical confrontation between the three of you is for you to allow the other
twit to move in with your family. If you are properly married in a church, then, your hubby or whatever has two-timed you, is dishonest and cannot be left alone with your sister. Tell hime to shape up, or you ship out from his house!! By the way, does he have two sticks??
Latest with my saga….his girlfriend had a miscarriage and has gone back to her ex. They are not on talking terms anymore and haven't been since I moved out of our home with our baby. We talk daily BUT the less I see of him and the more time I spend with my family, the more comfortable I am with being on my own. It ain't as bad as I thought it would be and the good thing is…he is majorly stressed out and losing sleep over this. Hell I don't think I will ever trust him (or any other man) again which is sad but I spose only time will tell. I am still thinking, praying and deliberating over this but like I said "only time will tell". As for being wife no. 1, no thanks, I'd like to be the ONLY wife. It may be acceptable for him and his people but it ain't for me! Hell no, I know sharing is caring but definitely NOT in this instance!
I appreciate everyone's advice, I really do. Thankyou all.
I sympathize with you. The only advice I would give is; seek information from the Police/Welfare on how to charge that lady for messing around with your man. Take her to court and she will be pay you for adultery or something like that. Don't be afraid of your husband. You said your husband want to reconcile...do not forgive him yet.. Though you love him I encourage you to take the tough step and later when your man come begging for reconcile again...you will know he's truely sorry and that he will know that my lady is tough & I will not be messing around behind her back. (After all this court business better warned him that you won't take this kind of immature behaviour again. This is the first & the last. If it happened again I will divorce you.) Some women love their man and they don't take action on this kind of reaction the first time it happened. Then what? The husband goes around doing that over and over. Even you don't want to take action...just do it for the good of your family life in the future.
Thank you for your words of advice, which I truly appreciate. I have already written up a statement to charge them BOTH for adultery. My Engan tambu who works in SOS (Sexual Offences Squad) is handling it for me and trust me I ain't scared of them. I know that the only way he will learn from his mistake is for me to take a tough stand against what he has done until he truly realises the seriousness of his actions.
Abandoned Mother,
I am very proud of you standing up on this kind of situation. Make your man realise that you are not stupid that his gonna fool around behind your back.
I know you will win this court.
Good luck & God bless.
I would ask you once again to consider the charges available under Adultery & Enticement Act. You may have identified the parties to the adultery, no sweat about that. The other main factor is that the Courts would require you to prove whether there is an exisitin marriage, whether by custom (Recognised by your respective clans and witnessed exchange of bridal payment etc..under custom, or civil marriages under the Marriage Act.
I ahve always advised against the adultery actions for the following:
1. nobody wins in the end and that although you may prove adultery, and obtain an order, thewre is no way in the end would you stop them from seeing each other.
2.uneccesary time and stress is mounted against you, and Courts are so full, and it will take about a few montyhs before your case is expedited. see for yourself at the Port Moreby Court House.
I would kindly ask to consider taking up a claim under the Deserted wives and Childrens Act, and aplly for orders which will include
1. monetary maintenance for yourself and the children
2.if you have a house, ask that it be provided to you and that he pay for all the housing expenses
3.Pre/Post natal Expenses
4.Medical expenses
5. Educational Expenses.
6.transportaion cost.
7. Restraining orders.
See the difference, it will make between fighting over what has happened. the real fact is that he has violated the trust and respect by sleeping with another woman who is not is wife at law or common law (de facto reltionship). It is wise to take up maintenance orders because it is magical and you will alway acccess the courts if and when the ordrers granted are breached.
Good luck for the future. a cool head is always a winner in the circumstances.
I am very sorry, firstly I know you are educated analysed what is really happen, it will take 3 months for a man to develop a habit that he will not stop. If you can look after yourself and your kids please do so I know it will be hard for the Kids but you have to come up with a decision that will affect the rest of your life. Then again, if you cannot take this avenue, you must resort to solving the problem and still leave with him. Talk to him, do not neglect him, get some help from the pastors or counsellors
I reacently read your plea for advice and think by all mean let him come back to u if he wonts to u have to forgive him and this will lift the burdon on your heart ok! You both have to go to marrigde councleing together to get through this! You cant expect things to go back to the way they were but u can both learn from this experiance and heal togeather! Things will get better ok! Your strong person for separateing in the first place and your strong enough to forgive him and start the healing processe together ok! If you or he feel u need to talk to each other you must tell each other and be patient and listen beleave it or not his hurt is just as hard to deal with as yours and you both need to be understanding ok!
And make sure u go to councleing ok you cant do this on your own u need a middle guy to mediate for you ok!
good luck to you and your partener i wish many more years of happyness for you! love and light to all!!
they do say once a cheat always a cheat, I didn't belive that when I married my wife after she lied to me for 8 months that she was still sleeping with her ex boyfriend the first 6 months that we had been talking,(not seeing eachother). Then after only 2 months of being married found out she had kissed another guy at a party while I was out of the state, then found out she made out with my friend from work while I was passed out for 5 hours and did God knows whatelse, not only with him but all the guys I probably didn't find out about. Thing is they just keep doing it, guys and girls, the love the thrill of getting caught and then when they do they get pissed at you for finding out and just blow it off like it's no big deal, thank God I don't have kids yet, I can still get out of this marrage before I get hurt again.
