Why Does my bed smell of fish?

There are weekends that stay in the memory and after English reminded me yesterday it seemed a good idea to try and remember some of what still remains a truly superb weekend.From the start it was game on trading insults with stevenage boro fans at 90mph up the M6 is definately not in the highway code but thoroughly recommended. I cant remember the year but it was the first day of the new season and away to Southport, Jan Molby was on 5 live talking about his new job as Kidderminster manager and how he would be happy with a top half finish - something he managed to do and some.

After driving through what seemed like a monsoon we arrived at the B&B in Lord Street in perfect Sunshine.A taxi ride to the ground seemed to take 3.5 years and I thought we were on a scouse mystery tour which would end in a dark alley and cost a lot of money ,but no we arrived at the ground for 1.70 an absolute bargain. The game was a shocker we lost 4-1 and it could have been worse, it was at southport that I discovered the delight of boiled beefburgers/spamburgers but nothing was going to spoil this weekend.

Back to the B&B to ready for the night ahead, although Flakey did his best to get in the way of our speeding taxi we just managed to avoid him on our way from the ground.

This is where things get a little hazy! We visited a lot of pubs and consumed probably the average bar take for a home game between the 6 of us - I think it was six- I have been drunk before but I have never tried to stand up and nothing happen, it was a new experience and one which thankfully has'nt happened since.Pub chucking out time and with the Pride of Woking still going strong it was time to go clubbing. The collesium was the choice and after queing for ages I was told I couldnt come in because I was wearing jeans.In a drunken mess all I could say was"but we're from Woking" and hey presto they let us in with a kind of "go about your business these are not the droids you are looking for " atmosphere. Convinced I now had special powers I took to the dance floor to show off my special talent of being able to dance to something that wasnt anything like what was coming out of the speakers.There was only one thing to do me and ade positioned /fell / staggered ourselves next to the bar and a large sofa drank stella and sang Woking songs till we passed out and were rescued at 3am.

Its about 1/2 a mile from this club to the B&B and I do not remember how we got back. In the morning I woke up a tad rough and was surprised to feel something in the bed with me. There was a slight whiff of Fish coming from the bed- not entirely unusual on a boys weekend away I hear you cry- but upon closer inspection I had bought a tuna ciabatta on the way home and taken it to bed with me. The only way to describe it is if someone had given me a bed bath with tuna. After picking most of the large bits off I made my way to the bathroom. Hosing my scrotum down to flush bits ot Tuna and lettuce out of my pubic hairs is an experience I have never forgotten and probably never will.The faint whiff of fish stayed on the 4 hour journey home just to remind me not to do it again.

If English remembers any more then I hope he will fill in the details but Southport we salute you.