97 West Mid-Summer Review

Network 54 Summer School

There was lots of educational content on the boards this summer. For example, one can learn a lot about the West Edmonton Mall, TV shows from the 1970s, catchy advertising jingles, and the intricacies of lacrosse and baseball. I actually pulled my son off his rep soccer team after I was informed that it may be detrimental to his hockey conditioning. Instead I got him a demo copy of NHL 2K8 and have him playing 6 hours/day on his PS3.

Westwood Washrooms and the Post Tracker

To be fair, I did learn two very valuable pieces of information reading through the posts this summer:
1. It turns out that NW54 is not the only place to gather credible information on minor hockey in the GTA. Rather, it was revealed by an enterprising poster, that arena bathrooms (Westwood is tops) are where the real hockey minds let it all hang out (so to speak). I for one will be taking care of business before I leave for the arena this year, or at least casually peeking under the stalls before trash talking other teams on my mobile phone.

2. It was also revealed by this same poster that he is tracking our spelling mistakes and distinctive phrases so as to discover our true identities. In light of this, I recommend that everyone get their kid to spellcheck all their posts and to try mix up your vocabulary.

Spring/Summer Hockey

Not much to report here. In spirit of fairness, the GTHL prohibited the all WM players from skating until Labour Day. I believe that only Vaughan and Royals iced tournament teams. The Toros apparently rented out their players (a fundraiser for the PR dept?), including one to the arch-rival Royals’ Hattrick Hawks. During one of the Canlan AAA tourneys, when the Royals played the Kings and Rebels, there was a spirited revival of the crappy AAA vs. good AA argument.

Toronoia

Going back through the summer’s threads, one finds almost a weekly exchange between Toros bashers and Toros defenders (both of whom often hilariously claim not to have been affiliated with the team last year). What is remarkable is that these back-and-forth posts are almost identical week to week. Its like someone managed to design software that can create subtle variations of the exact same arguments.

Atom Predictions

There have also been periodic attempts to predict what will happen in the upcoming season. If we are to believe the collective “wisdom” of posters, it would seem that Braves, Royals, North Stars and Jets stock is going up; Toros, Rangers, Streetsville and Huskies are headed for a fall; and WM, HV, Terriers and Eagles holding steady. There was a thread that attempted to rank all 97AA Ontario teams. It raised some interesting commentary, but it predictably degenerated into the Terriers, Royals, Toros and Braves all trying to come up with complex formulas to prove who was second best in the GTHL.

Uni-Watch

Two teams in the loop are going in different directions with their uniforms this season. Rumour has it that the Canucks are going retro with the Bobby Schmautz-era jerseys, while the North Stars will abandon the old Minnesota Dino Ciccarelli-era logo for a more contemporary Dallas Stars look. No word yet whether the AA Sharks will follow the big-budget Humber Valley A team and charge parents $500 dollars for the new form-fitting NHL "Rbk Edge" jerseys with “bead away” technology.

4 stories to follow in 2007-2008

1. 2008-09 AAA recruiting.
History suggests that a lot of kids will test the AAA waters in Minor Peewee. How will the top teams handle this potential distraction? Is the Royals coach in line for a second consecutive Coach of the Year award, and will this be enough to recruit for the mpw Nats juggernaut?

2. West Mall’s first loss.
When it comes, everyone’s invited to a big bonfire the following night at Centennial Park. If it doesn’t happen, oh boy, its going to be mighty tough keeping the WM parents from loading up their minivans with push brooms come playoff time.

3. You Will See!!!
Ice Dogs, Jets, Canucks, Huskies and Eagles are all with new coaches and new rosters. Will one of the not-so-Fab Five actually rip someone’s ball’s off? We will see.

4. KaBoom?
What team(s) will crash and burn this year? There are some obvious frontrunners, but I foresee a surprise winner in this category: the Terriers. I predict that some time mid fall, a Terriers parent will crack under the pressure, disregard the coach's NW54 posting ban, and give all the inside dirt on this team. After that, I expect a flood of self-destructive threads (“Terriers Talk,” “Terriers, tick, tick, tick…,” etc.)

[Bonus Posting Tip: when spelling “kaboom” on NW54, remember that for full effect you should go heavy on the "O"s and light on the "M"s as in, KABOOOOOOOOOOM!!!]

Box Office News

News that Versus has picked up all the 97AA games this year has not seemed to have hurt advance ticket sales. All Toros-Royals games have been sold out since May. But, good seats still available for many of the 2007-08 FlexPacks. Some packages include:

THE THEY-TIED-WEST-MALL PACKAGE
WM vs. Toros. WM vs. Sharks. WM vs. Braves
(bonus “how to beat West Mall” instructional dvd produced by the Troy Sting)

THE NOBODY-RESPECTS-US PACKAGE
3 games Sharks vs. Streetsville
(bonus: any non-premium Royals’ game--last year’s “nobody respects us” team)

THE TOROS' PAYBACK PACKAGE
vs. VR. vs. HV. vs. Jets
(bonus: 1 free Toros tattoo removal)

THE HUSKIES' DIDN’T-YOU-USED-TO-BE-ON-OUR-TEAM? PACKAGE
vs. VR. vs. Jets. vs. Royals
(bonus: Family Pass to 2008 Clancy Tourney)

Mailbag

A heartfelt thanks for all your letters over the summer. I hope to be able to answer many of your questions in my new “Dear Summary Guy” column starting in the Fall.

Summary guy where have you been, we missed you but after reading your post I think you managed to fit 4 months worth of stuff into 2 minutes of reading.

Thanks for the laugh.

p.s. any comments the 97 A Huskies, Id love to hear your summary on that one.

You r the best! We missed you.

Re Toronoia

I sadly have to inform you that as one of the bashers I was no way associated with that team. It just became too much fun getting the Toro defender going. For all we know he may not be affiliated with them either.

In any case it was great entertainment.

this is not the above poster here, but why dont you leave the 97A huskies alone, you think something needs to be mentioned than say it coward, you people will get whats coming , dont be surprised if i find you and spit in your eye, you bash 9 yr old A kids , you are a coward, its not hard to find out who the cowards are in hockey, these people gossip to their children, they are married and make comments about other women who have husbands and kids in hockey, their kids do not pass the puck because they are afraid someone on the team may score instead of them, the coward dad talks bad about all the people that gave him the time of day over the years in hockey, and always talks about mortgage when he rents, these are the cowards of the 97a west loop and the man acts like a little granny when it comes to gossip, thats sad because the cowards kids are in a good place at hockey but most kids learn from the parents

This is a light hearted 97aa thread. Please take your vindictive BS back to a 97A thread where it belongs. Jerk.

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3:08 how did you manage to get your lips away from MR and JS's behinds long enough to type all that crap. take a pill dude

Original poster - great piece and thanks for reminding us all the crap in here should be taken with agrain of salt. 3:08 ARE YOU LISTENING!!!!

Hey Summary Guy,

Welcome back from your summary vacation! It's amazing how you're able to sift through all this drivel and consistently present such a concise synopsis for our collective enjoyment. Your objectivity and brevity of words is admirable. I wonder what you do for a living? Theatre reviewer? One of those people that write those blurbs you see on book jackets? Owner of this space on NW54?

Keep up the good work, looking forward to your next post.

very good! very good! Sumary Guy, this is the first time I have had a chance to read your posts.. you are good.
I happen to be the poster who talked about Westwood Bathrooms and I am also the post tracker person . jUST CURIOUS... did I put both topics on the same post or do you know me from my IP, THE ANSWER WOULD NOT MATTER FOR I RESPECT YOUR STYLE, just getting a feel of how Network54 works.

summary guy. you did not tell us anything about the NETWORK54 STARS,do you remember how funny that was, never seen nothing like it lol

Will you miss Hornets dad?

Rumour has it Hornets dad is on another AA west team.

Which one?

North Stars

TID

Great post 'Summary Guy'! I'm looking forward to your 'Dear Summary Guy' thread coming online this fall.

One thing you mentioned that I found oddly fascinating was, of all the posts on all the 97threads the one constant has been the 'TOROS'! As you said mostly recycled trashing and defending with nothing new since .......oh say, February!!! But, my God have these guys got stamina!

I've gotta get me the 'Toros Payback' flexpack. Not as interested in the game on the ice as much as the game in the stands. Returning Toro parents and Ex-toro parents will be scutinizing each other trying to figure out who the 'perp'(s) is while acting like old friends that haven't seen each other in a long time. Everyone will act oblivious to the NW54 history but the next morning, man this site will be busy.

One thread I really enjoyed was the GTHL K-tel greatest hits thread started way back. For a 'fun' thread it had legs and while teams and coaches did get singled out it never degenerated into the typical NW54 trash talking and just stayed fun. Hats off to all those who participated and posted on the thread.

11:01

Hornets only went to ID/HH and the Eagles so Hornets dad is on one of them if he is still in AA.

I'm looking forward to a few stories this season

1./ When/Will WestMall be defeated? .........by who!
2./ Will Braves live up to top billing being pimped?
3./ Are Terriers a true contender?
4./ Are the Toros really headed for a downward slide??
5./ Are the Royals really going to take a leap into the top 4?
6./ Sounds like Tigers have a precarious season ahead!
7./ Has Vaughan recovered from last seasons fall fiasco?
8./ Are the Sharks a legitimate playoff team?
9./ Are the Stars headed for the playoffs?
10./ Will the Jets be competitive?
11./ Is there any truth to the TID pimping of the team?
12./ Does CJ have a team???

Answers to 8:08 post

1./ YES!
2./ NO!
3./ YES!
4./ NO!
5./ NO!
6./ YES!
7./ MISS PLAYOFFS!
8./ YES!
9./ YES!
10./ NO!
11./ NO!
12./ ???

Summary Guy, your stuff is pure gold! Really enjoyable.

I know I will take heat for this from my West bretheren, because of course the East sucks and all, but couldn't you throw us a bone and share any observations you may have on our pathetic, talentless little loop?

East Guy

get lost!

Get your own Summary Guy. But then again there is nothing to summarize.

I will do it for you.

East Sucks.

well put!!!!!

I'm guessing 'Summary Guy' is either a Toro or a Royal parent.

Who really cares, he is whitty and bang on. Just enjoy.

11:01

Hornets only went to ID/HH and the Eagles so Hornets dad is on one of them if he is still in AA.

Canucks too.

Anybody who can shift through garbage, summarize it, add humor and make it non offensive deserves all of our respect. Looking forward to reading your updates all season long. Thanks.

Maybe he's a sports writer for a newspaper? Anyone know any?

I know one in the Gthl but it is not him, a sports columnist has a son who plays D on the Toronto Marlboro,s, his kid is 14 or 15 years of age, not him because his other four kids are older

Could someone please send for help? Everyone's kind words has caused my head to swell and I can't get out of my office to go home. This doesn't ordinarily happen because in the past there's always been a 'prick' to burst my bubble. Today .......no prick?

Could some prick please get online and do what they're suppose to do so I can go home.

Thanks,
The Summary Guy

i dont know why everyone thinks this guy is so graet
he probably rites all this stuff himself and then does his summary thing just so he looks smart
DOGS RULE!

I should have known the prick would be an un-neutered ice dog!

Thanks anyway, Im on my way home we'll see you tomorrow ........ or in an hour.

ya dont be gittin in no car acident cuz i aint finised wit you

Thats the guy I was thinking of but if his kids are older then its probably not SS.

huh?

Summary guy what are your thoughts on WM big weekend win?

thought this was a godd one to bring back, seems some of those questions are getting answered.

we miss you summary guy

summary guy was playing pick up with paul coffey a few weeks ago

where are you?

10

Summary Guy, Summary Guy,

wherefore art thou, Summary Guy

We need the good stuff and only you can provide