I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I think we all have at one point or another doubted where God is in all of this misery. One thing that has helped me is just opening my Bible and reading. Almost everytime...something from what I read touches my heart. I also love the poem "Footprints in the Sand" because it really addresses what so many of us feel on this journey. (see below)
--Norah
Footprints
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
...Mary Stevenson
Posted on Nov 6, 2009, 1:15 PM from IP address 71.210.235.90