A divorce is more than a failed relationship between 2 people, it's damage ripples through the immediate family, the extend family, and friends as well. And it's not "ostricizing" per say, it's more of "what do you say to a person that's both suffered, and been part of the cause, of that much damage, pain, and suffering.
The healing process for such things takes time. And as much as members of a congregation are responsible for extending a friendly and caring hand, the people that have gotten divorced have several responibilities as well. Unfortunately, a divorce causes so my emotional stress & havoc that it's a challenge to be able to see clearly and take responsibility for things.
My views are likely rather strong and biased because of my experiences on the damage, pain, and suffering caused by divorces.