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Totally and completely OT--redneck stories from your neck of the woods

May 8 2012 at 1:53 PM
  (Premier Login MaxineS)
Forum Owner

As most of you know, I live in northern Idaho--pretty redneck sort of place. In my town, you can buy live bait in a vending machine.

This morning I heard a commercial on the radio. I'm proud to say the station is located in eastern Washington, LOL. It began, "Bill's Shooting Range invites you to put a gun in Mom's hand for Mother's Day."

There have been car dealer promotions here when if you buy a new truck (and all Idahoans own a truck; it's mandatory here) they will give you a new shotgun.

So, tell us about the rednecks where you live. I suspect they are everywhere, not just here!

 
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Tnetter
(Login TxNet)

Not where I live, but where I am from

May 8 2012, 2:53 PM 

Everyone drives a truck there too, and the last time dh & I were there, we noticed that 9 out of 10 trucks had a cow catcher on the front. And I'm not aware of any cows roaming loose there.

Where I live, the local radio station has a swap and shop every morning called the flea market. They take calls on the air or email they call flea mail. Snail mail comes in the flea bag. And I swear every other call starts with a call from some good ol' boy who has to tell the d.j. a story before he can get to his trade item, all told with a slow and heavy southern accent.

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The road to success is always under construction.

 
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Myra
(Login conchokitty)
The Frugalista Files

cow catchers

May 12 2012, 5:55 AM 

I know they call them cow catchers but the only things I have ever seen them used for is driving over trees and through fences! LOL

Myra in West Texas

 
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PBinNY
(Login momtoelibet)
The Frugalista Files

A few...

May 8 2012, 5:59 PM 

I live in a rural county in upstate NY. I know when most of you think NY you think the city. We are far from it. The village I live in has 1 four way stop and no stop lights.

I visited DD's first grade class for an event. All the parents and students were seated at tables which were first grade size. I looked over and saw a mom with her thong and "tramp stamp" distinctly showing out of her pants. I could only think of the Jeff Foxworthy song, "You might be a redneck if...."

We have a twice yearly village cleanup. I distinctly remember the year that we saw a chevelle cruising its way through town packed to the gills. The clincher was that they had a swing set on the top with a passenger holding his hand on it to secure it.

On that vein, when my daughter was 3 she set up a "rock sale" in our front yard. She had a small table and two chairs set up with rocks and her for sale sign. I looked out the window one morning and saw folks loading my table and chairs into the back of their pickup and it was no where near village clean up days.

That all being said, Dh occasionally parks his pickup in the driveway and plops himself in a lawn chair in the back with a beer in hand.

 
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Tnetter
(Login TxNet)

Did you get your table & chairs back? nt

May 8 2012, 7:00 PM 



------
The road to success is always under construction.

 
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Donna
(Login CurlyGirlAgain)
The Frugalista Files

Idahoans HAVE to drive a truck?!?

May 8 2012, 6:05 PM 

My cousin has lived in Idaho and does not (and has never) owned or driven a truck--I'll have to call her and tell her she's not "real" wink.gif

 
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(Premier Login MaxineS)
Forum Owner

Sure, it's in the state constitution

May 8 2012, 7:28 PM 

LOLOLOLOL wink.gif

 
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(Premier Login MaxineS)
Forum Owner

From my husband's neck of the woods

May 8 2012, 7:34 PM 

My husband is from a cow town in the high desert of eastern Oregon. The county is the size of CT and has less than 6,000 people. When DH moved back in the 1950s, they were still running cattle drives down Main Street. If any of you remember The Last Picture Show, that could have been made in his town.

This story is from his late cousin Virginia, of sour cream fudge fame. Virginia was the chief dispatcher for the police department for about 20 years. She swore this story was true: Man was found with 3 bullet holes in his back and door locked from the outside. The death was ruled a suicide. When someone questioned how this could be, they were told "So-and-so told him (victim) that if he didn't quit fooling around with his wife, that he was going to wake up dead one morning."

 
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KarenPA
(Login SingingSkies)
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Plenty of rednecks here too...

May 8 2012, 10:03 PM 

About 10 years ago two buddy's started drinking Friday and several cases of beer later on Sunday they started arguing over whether the one guy should pay "rent" for sleeping on his couch on the lawn all weekend. Sadly the owner of the property picked up a 2x4 and hit the "renter" and killed him. Now I KNOW it's not funny he died, but I can't get past that they were arguing over paying rent to sleep on a couch on the yard, lol.

I grew up on a farm, and my neighbor would visit Dad on his riding mower. I'd say...Dad... Raymond is coming down the lane...he'd say how far is he...and after I'd say..Dad would always say, then I have time to read the paper before he gets here, lmao.

The little store that was opened in the tiny town a mile away from us when we first moved in had a buck brag list that the guys could list their deer, points, location, etc

 
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PJ
(Login ruralgirl)
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It doesn't get much better than this!! LOL

May 9 2012, 6:27 AM 

[IMG][linked image][/IMG]

And NO this is not my car!! LOL This was parked next to us when we came out of the hardware store!! It was a Monte Carlo, notice it's an EL Caro now!! LOL

 
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Donna
(Login CurlyGirlAgain)
The Frugalista Files

My brother would get a HUGE kick out of that picture!

May 9 2012, 9:57 AM 

He's a retired master truck mechanic (worked for a major trucking firm)--he's cobbled together many a car from bunches of cannabilized non-working cars. It's the bane of my DSIL's existence 'cuz their property looks like a used car lot!!

 
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Beverly
(Login BeverlySue)
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Don't know where these are located

May 9 2012, 7:15 AM 

but rednecks can be crafty. I was tempted to do the hand mirror on the car thing a couple of weeks ago when my mirror fell off.

http://nedhardy.com/2010/09/23/who-says-rednecks-arent-clever-the-best-of-redneck-engineering/

 
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Penny in FL
(Login Bugpugmom)
The Frugalista Files

I'll keep this short

May 9 2012, 11:58 AM 

It's a challenge, considering I live in the Redneck Riviera, but anyway, here's my favorite. On her very first date my daughter's best friend was taken to the laundromat.

 
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LindaOH
(Login Linda_OH)
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Maxine called and said I should post this.

May 9 2012, 1:03 PM 

We have plenty of rednecks here and many of them are my relatives. There is a small tire and gun shop that is very "rustic" but I buy my tires there. They are nice and the price is right. They also sell guns and you can check in your deer in season.

They live behind the shop in a trailer. Apparently, they use a baby monitor as an alarm system and one night they heard people in the shop. They went out and started shooting through the walls from outside. I heard the Sheriff got a call from the burglars begging him to come save them. I don't know what happened after that.

Also, a guy I went to school with shot a guy 5 times. When the Sheriff came to his trailer behind his parent's house, he started shooting at the Sheriff. So the Sheriff went back to town (before we had cell phones) where he got all the deputies together and a few from neighboring counties. The guy took his guns and whiskey to the 2nd floor of the corn crib and started shooting when they came back. He ended up killing one Deputy. The Sheriff finally warned him they would burn him out. They set fire to the building and burned it down with him in it.

 
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(Premier Login MaxineS)
Forum Owner

Here's one from...

May 9 2012, 9:35 PM 

...my best friend, Mary, who lives in the Portland area. I sent her this thread because she just LOVES the live bait vending machine, and I knew she'd love your stories, too.

When I worked in that small rural Washington County town at the edge of the coast range, I was asked to do a home visit and evaluate a 7 year old home schooled boy who had behavioral problems. The family lived in a mobile home from the 1970s with long shag carpet. I had been warned by the school secretary that the mother was a tad bit crazy and had tattoos from her fingers to her shoulders.

The house was filthy. The shag carpet was covered with old cigarette butts and in the center of the living room floor sat an original object d'art consisting of a large amber glass ashtray and a carefully built pyramid/mountain and symmetrical construction of cigarette butts. I guess there were 75 t0 100 butts in the construction. Even Rednecks yearn to express their creativity.

When I returned to school, the secretaries started laughing hysterically as I related this and other experiences I had.

Come to think about it, the whole staff there may have been redneck. They talked about the baby showers they had when their cows got pregnant.




Mary

 
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Kim
(Login KimAB)
The Frugalista Files

It took a while

May 11 2012, 9:49 PM 

but tonight was the annual 'Spring Fling' put on my the provincial funding body. It is a dinner, awards, karaoke, cake and dancing. Let me just say- I nearly led the riot when they ran out of decaf AND regular coffee. The clients need the decaf and the staff need the CAF!

They also ran out of dessert bars AND cake... but that isn't the redneck part.

1. Let me just say that a babydoll dress only looks on people that are 5 and under... and I don't mean to sound rude, but really not the best look after a certain size. :-/ That was the staff... not the clients who were pretty nicely dressed for the most part.

2. The YMCA song came on and my co-worker from Africa wanted me to explain it. :-| Uhhh... It's an old song about poor people who could go to a shelter for a bed and hot meal, I said, and left it at that...

Then the chicken dance came on so (of COURSE!) we were ALL doing it- even the people sitting at the tables- and my co-worker wanted to know what THIS was about. HOW do you explain the chicken dance? :-| It is a dance that is done at large parties and especially weddings and everyone dances to it- old people, small people, all ages and abilities. And you dance in a circle or small circles. So I don't know what her impression of THAT was or what she will tell her family back home about it, but there ya go. Always good to see yourself through the eyes of another culture.

Now if that wasn't a red neck party I don't know what is.

 
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(Premier Login MaxineS)
Forum Owner

Well, the dance...

May 12 2012, 7:46 AM 

...sounds like a Special Olympics dance. YMCA! The chicken dance! Anybody up for the Macarena???

 
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Kim
(Login KimAB)
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The Special Olympics dance is tonight

May 12 2012, 8:44 AM 

and will probably be a lot more fun.... You've never seen Special Olympics run out of food, have you?! This is the annual party put on by the government body that we get our funding from and they are a bunch of cheap.... individuals...

It is like going to a party with every supervisor in the world and ALL your competition (who really just want to gossip about you tomorrow)

I did make a LOT of new friends and I'm pretty sure that at least two of them are madly in love with me. One of them was non-verbal, though, so it's pretty hard to tell there. Maybe he just wanted to be friends. ;-P

I may have sounded a little terse last night... It's only because I am one shift away from my 102 hour vacation AND I had just finished a four hour long conversation about why the party ran out of chocolate cake.... AND sometimes decaf coffee... also why it is not a good idea to drink coffee after supper.

 
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