Sandy in NJ (Login SandyinMI) The Frugalista Files
June 10 2012, 8:46 AM
First, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
I've been feeling overwhelmed since we bought the house. We spent three days pulling up shag carpet and ds had a bad allergic reaction to something in the house. So I spent a whole day crying and vacuuming floors, walls, blings, every surface in the house and wishing we'd never bought the stupid thing. I just kept wondering what was going to happen if we bought a house he can't live in? I bought a 14 gallon shopvac with a hepa filter and wore through a pair of gloves vacuuming. He's been in the house twice since then and seems to be ok, thank goodness, but I thought I'd have a nervous breakdown before I was done. Now I'm working on wallpaper removal, flooring estimates, mysterious gas leaks we can't figure out, and now the washer at the rental is starting to die and I'm responsible for keeping it running until our lease is up. I know it's going to work out in the end but it's a larger project than I anticipated and making me stressed out. I'm having a good day if I've figured out anything for dinner, regardless how meager, by the time dh gets home.
I can't get up any enthusiasm for weekly challenges. Heck, I am barely participating here as is.
Mine isn't menopause as much as just stress. Living in this house with the kitchen torn up for 6 months, continually stripping and refinishing the cabinets, building the dining room, the wedding, dd#2 living here - it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning.
The road to success is always under construction.
Now I actually do have clinical depression (some of you might, too) and I could not function at all without meds. (They don't make me "happy"--they make me able to function). I am totally overwhelmed by my house and the constant criticism I get about EVERYTHING, including my driving. I had some accomplishments last week that I felt good about, but sooooooo much more is to be done. We can have a weekly thread about this if anybody will start it.
I'm sorry all of you are having so many difficulties. Sandy, I wish I could come and help!
I have had depression off and on throughout my life and didn't acknowledge until recently. I have been trying to figure out things myself. I believe hormones are a big part of it for me too. They influence my mood and pain in my body.
I have been overwhelmed for a while, at least over a year. I can not tolerate things I used to. Whining, not listening, ignorance, jerky people,etc. I do not know what is going on with me, but I do know I am very tired and fed up with taking care of everyone else. Taking a 10 minute break or a bubble bath is a joke and does not 'rejuventate" me. Friends say 'take a vacation and you will feel better.' I found it pointless. If I do vacation, I come back to the same crap I left and everything is back to the way it was within 3 days.
I was depressed and having lots of body pain. My doc suggested I have fibromyalgia, but he didn't want to diagnose me immediately. I had difficulty walking and moving. I gained 15 pounds and I was already overweight. Every pain med and anti-depressant I want on caused an allergic reaction or I got very sick on it.
Then, something started shifted in February 2011 when my 4th grandson died from SIDS at age 3 months. Everything felt and seemed different. I took care of my daughter and her kids. I still haven't fully grieved with losing Jay. In June of 2011 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I spent weekends taking care of her, buying her food, helping pay her bills and find resources, and redoing her house (which still is not complete).
In December when my oldest told me she was pregnant (she miscarried, but got pregnant again and is due in November). I was so happy to become a grandmother again; but the BIG thing with the newest grandchild is that I was not going to be a surrogate mommy and raise this grandchild. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the role I have/had in my 6 grandchildren's life, but knowing I was going to have a grandchild and not raise it did something to me.
I realized I did not want to be the child care provider/teacher for my 3 youngest grandchildren anymore. I want to be their grandmother! It sounds so simple. I want to be like their Nana who takes them on weekends and does fun things, not their teacher and not their substitute mommy. It was so profound and threw me for a loop!!
I decided I was done raising other people's children. I made plans. I talked with Bethann about going back to school with an actual goal and financing it.
I enrolled in college this past spring and took Biology, Children's Lit and Intro to Human Services. It was VERY stressful taking care of 9 kids during the day with DH and taking 3 night classes, but I loved the learning. I had a project in Children's Lit and wrote a book of poems and my teacher suggested I get them published! I applied for an Occupational Therapy program and was accepted.
DH and I talked a lot this past spring and he agreed to be the primary caregiver for the 2 grandkids still with us and 2 other kids (who we love like our own grandkids) until August because I need anatomy and physiology 1 & 2 before the fall. I am taking the classes now until August- 8 months of classes in 2 months! (eeek!) I am the oldest person in the class, the next oldest is 30!--actually one of my past daycare children sits next to me--she is 18.
The first week of August my child care closes for good. I will have 3 weeks off before I start the OT program for the next 2 years. I CAN NOT WAIT to have 3 weeks off! I will not work while I am in school.
I realize I was extremely depressed and unhappy. I am still depressed and I am trying to figure it out. The past 5 weeks I have had my period every other week and inbetween that I had spotting. My doc finally gave me progestrone and it is not stopping the bleeding yet. I am very, very tired. I am trying to let go of trying to be perfect-getting A's,having a spotless house and doing/being everything for everyone else.
I want to stop feeling like I am not good enough.
This message has been edited by Earth_Wanderess on Jun 10, 2012 11:59 AM
I too am clinically depressed and fight taking meds. They cause side effects that I can't stand (weight gain, sexual issues (tmi I know) among other things. I am in a good stretch right now but still constantly feel overwhelmed. With all that I do I feel like I should be doing more.
My life was in a tail spin from October 2008 until recently. My aunt died a slow death from ovarian cancer,my mother had multiple hospitalizations and died a nasty death of cirhosis/ stomach cancer in 2010 at the age of 58. In the middle of all of this I was the primary caretaker for my grandfather and had him placed in a nursing home. My mother asked me to take care of him. He passed away in 2011. Three funerals in 3 years is simply too much.
I have been estranged from my father since November (his choice) and my sister entered an abusive relationship and ended up living with us for a few months. I found myself at 37 to be an orphan. I think the hardest part was that all of this happened and I had no control over it. I couldn't take away my aunt's cancer or my mom's. We were a small tight knit family. I have no other aunts, uncles, cousins etc. My daughter reacted to this with some severe behavioral issues and was in counseling for 6 months while my son turned into a "pleaser"
Six months ago I came home one night and told DH I was quitting my job and did exactly that. I needed a change. Through it all it was the right decision but I still struggle. There are days when I still don't want to get out of bed but I soldier on.
I have made progress. I dealt with the mess that was my life by eating and gained 30 pounds. I have started exercising again and have lost 9 pounds. I can feel the positive effect on the depression which tries to overcome me. I still need to work at motivating myself every day though and realizing that even if things aren't perfect they are good enough.
I am one...but I don't know if I am ready to participate
June 10 2012, 4:53 PM
I am willing to lurk and if I make progress, I'll post. I am afraid I would just bring others down. Here I am, knowing full well what I need to do to fix many of the issues in my life, but the ones I can't fix are so overwhelming all on their own that I'm just wallowing in my own personal junk, eating everything in sight, including all the gluten and sugar and grains and stuff that I know triggers all the physical and emotional reactions. It's just a vicious cycle. If anyone knows the secret to finally motivating oneself to MAKE the changes one KNOWS to make, let me know! Oh to have the self motivation to make the choices I need to make in order to make good choices! (Clear as mud? I KNOW some of you here are hearing me!)
Anyway...I'm in...but am also recognizing that I may not be successful yet...I'll try???
I just told dh today that I plan to do 15 minutes of decluttering/tidying each day. That's all. Just 15 minutes. The other part of this is to put my own crap away every single day. I plan to do this for all of next week. Nothing else. No other changes. If I eat gluten free for a meal or a snack, great. If not, oh well. I'm not counting days or weeks or months. JUST 15 minutes of decluttering and/or tidying and putting away my own crap. I'll let you know next week if it made any impact, and if I was actually successful at it. If I succeed, I plan to add in one more teeny tiny improvement on top of that next week, as well as continue this week's improvement. Does that make sense? Anyway, remind me to let you know how I did.
I've dealt with depression, anxiety (mostly anxiety) for many years. My part of depression is lack of motivation, don't want to leave the house, refusal to answer the phone and talk to people etc. I've been off and on different meds for many years. Currently I am off all my meds except for taking ADHD meds most days. Unfortunately those don't work near as well as they used to, and even changing doses and medicines hasn't helped. Other meds were causing weight gain and other side effects. It's just a vicious cycle and although I'm semi-fine now I know I'll be back on them again. Unfortunately I'm doing pretty good compared to what I could be like if I look at my biological father, grandparents and great grandparents. Just scarey, scary stuff!! None of which I knew about until AFTER I had kids because I was adopted. Hardest part of it all is to see 2 of my 3 kids struggling with anger issues and anxiety and fear and mad at myself that someone else is going to have to struggle too. ooohhhh...........this is long enough, I'm a mess and to believe I'm off meds?!
Glad to see I'm not the only one struggling though!
Set a small goal for yourself. Nothing big, just something that would improve your lives. Either a one-time shot or a new routine you can get started. Let us know next week how you did, and how you feel about it.
This does not have to be a nasty job. It can be, but it also can be something very pleasant, just for you. If it will cheer you up, you can paint your toenails once a week...ten different colors.
Just to be accountable...you aren't going to believe this, but my Christmas decor is stacked up and spread out all over the basement. (I have to walk through that crap to get to my clean utility room to wash that mountain of laundry). My first goal is to organize it between the two houses, put away that which belongs here, and pack up the stuff that goes to the cabin. My second goal is to get the laundry caught up. It is easier now that I can find the dryer.
I am rather chatty today, forgive me. I think Jaime and Max make two important points. Jaime pointed out that it is nice to know there are others in the same boat. I don't tell my story for sympathy but rather for folks to know this is why I am who I am. Depression is a nasty decease. Many people don't understand it. Our loved ones may use it as a catch all. DH has used my depression as a scape goat for our issues for many years. Believe me I would love to be free of the black cloud that constantly hovers over me. If only it was so easy! It is reassuring to know that others struggle as I do.
Max also pointed out that we need to do things for ourselves. This is so very true and a hard lesson for me to learn. I still struggle with guilt over doing things for me. Maybe it is a woman/ mother thing which can be multiplied a thousand fold by how you are raised? I find myself justifying why I do things for me. I am just starting to feel ok with it.
these different issues.. but glad to see I am NOT the only one feeling like I am.
I have dealt with being overwhelmed and anxiety for a long time.. This year has been particularly bad. In Oct. my DH fell and broke his leg... about 1 1/2 week later I fell apart... my doc did some testing and looked back over my history and decided I have fibromyalgia, I concur and feel I have been dealing with it for some time, but that did not lessen the feeling of hopelessness that hit me, I had no idea which way to turn, still don't really. What he did not do is give me any tools to deal with it with. So my main treatment has been to take iburprophen for the pain, which doesn't help much....Now my stomach is shot... My house is horrible and I am sure that does not help the feeling of being overwhelmed.. I have NO energy to do anything right now either.
Around spring break, we had to pack up our room and move to a new school,this is a special ed class so this change was very hard on them.
On May 8th our school district went on strike, one month seemed like and eternity and the stress and pain levels went up and are still up.
Our first grandchild was born on May 23 (the baby was not bad) but the circumstances surrounding it is. So needless to say I am a mess... I was in the ER a week ago with chest pains, and stomach pains... and am back to having daily panic attacks even on meds. I tried to get into my doc and was told the earliest he would be available is July 9, so I will also be looking for a new doc.
Thankfully school is out Tues and I am done wens...I am looking forward to it.. but will have to be careful I don't become a total recluse, it would be very easy for me to do.
I am going to take the summer to get myself back on my feet... I started acupuncture a week ago and it helped some with the pain... the acupuncturist says he can help anxiety as well, my next appt. is the 18th, he went on vacation this week:
" life isnt about waiting for the storms to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain."
Sandy in NJ (Login SandyinMI) The Frugalista Files
that is ridiculous
June 11 2012, 4:45 AM
You're having daily panic attacks and the soonest your doctor can see you is a whole month from now? Do they only have one person who does the scheduling? Maybe you could try calling back at different times to get someone who'll try harder to get you in. It really does sound like you need a better doctor though, and I hope you find one soon.
I am so sorry you are going through this! I have been where you are, and I know how hard it was for me. We all experience things differently, so for me to say "I know just what you're going through" doesn't cut and doesn't help you, other than to offer you that comfort in knowing you are not alone.
I, too, have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. And although I do not deal with daily anxiety, it is something I deal with occasionally. My doctor allows me to keep a bottle of Xanax on hand for those moments when I know I am not going to make it through without some help. I think I've taken 2 in the last year, but it is comforting to know I have them if I need them. They are addicting, but my family knows I have them and my doctor monitors how many they prescribe during what time frame, etc.
For awhile I was on five different meds, including meds for ADHD, for depression, and two for fibromayalgia and osteoarthritis. The meds really, really helped, but I was drugged up and exhausted all the time. The side effects were almost as debilitating as the illness.
Lyrica helps. For your doctor to offer you nothing is ridiculous. I am serious--consider getting a different doctor. See a rheumatologist. Something. Anything. There ARE solutions! So don't sit back and take that!
But let me tell you some other things that you can do that might just make a world of difference for you. If you want further info, email me. bethannmathews at hotmail dot com. When I went to a 100% paleo diet (no grains, no sugar or sweeteners of any kind, no potatoes, corn, peas, or legumes of any kind, no dairy, no preservatives, nothing artificial...basically, you're looking at beef and chicken, vegetables and fruits, like a cave man would have eaten...this completely changed my life. I am terrible at sticking with it. My family will not cooperate with me, so I am alone in it in a houseful of junk food. But when I eat this way for more than two weeks at a time, I am COMPLETELY symptom free. No meds at all. All of my ailments completely go away. Not exaggerating. If you want more info, email me.
The other thing you can do is to exercise. This sounds ridiculous when you hurt so much, I know. I can't quite get there, either. But it is absolutely true that exercising at an aerobic level makes a world of difference for most fibro sufferers.
Whatever you do, cut yourself some slack. It is understood that fibro is a disorder whereby the nerves that send pain signals to your brain are firing even though there has been no injury. The pain is absolutely real; there is just no injury to cause it. It being a neurological issue, there are all sorts of other possibilities of symptoms that go along with it. Depression can be a result of the chronic pain and the lack of sleep, but it can also be a matter of brain chemistry because of misfiring neurons. Same with anxiety. Cymbalta may be a possible choice for meds, if Lyrica doesn't help. Or you might try Cymbalta first. Cymbalta is great for depression, for anxiety, for ADD/ADHD, and for chronic pain. So, it's another option.
The fibro can actually cause every symptom you are experiencing. Don't do guilt over any of it--it's not your fault at all. There ARE solutions. It might take you a couple of years to figure it all out--it did me. But keep moving forward in finding a way to experience life in a positive way again. I actually helped unload hay for the first time in about 5 years this last week. My back hurts, but it's the kind of pain that "normal" people have because they worked hard, you know? It IS possible to get your life back. Do not settle for anything less!
Email me if you'd like, even if it's just for support. Bless you!
The acupuncturist highly recommends the palio diet...not sure that it is one I will be able to maintain for long periods of time... but will be giving a try. I do take Xanax almost daily, right now, but like the fact that unless I need it I dont have to take it daily. Part of my problem is so many of the drugs that help fibro my insurance will only pay 50% of:
" life isnt about waiting for the storms to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain."
My GP recommended it, though not by that name. I did feel better, but it's really hard to stick to. Also, it will raise your ketones, something I wasn't told, the dr didn't seem to connect, and I didn't discover until after the first test came back high.
The road to success is always under construction.
Most of the time when I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed is when I'm trying to please everyone. There comes a point where you realize, some people you just can't please. Some people are just toxic and they want you to be as miserable as they are. They try to guilt you for being happy! The saying "misery loves company", well it's true!
The best thing for me to do, is just do what I can, when I want to, and go on. If I stop and think about everything, I'm frozen in my tracks with anxiety and can't do nothing! Another thing that helps me is to always have a dream. No matter how big or small, I've got to have something going on in my head I'm excited about! For me it's just silly things like, making a garden, starting new flowers, researching ways to make a greenhouse, hatching chicken eggs in the incubator, etc.
Mind over matter helps a lot too. If I feel anxiety coming on, I try to get real busy doing something else, even if I have to force myself. Also I recite the Lords Prayer over and over in my head when things are out of my control. And I pray every night and thank God for the roof over my head and the food I have to eat and all the blessings he's done for me that day.
I have a friend that sits in her back yard everyday all day long and pines over her sister that was murdered several years ago. I want to shake her and say, let the past go and live today. She doesn't see why her marriage is a shambles, her husband is frustrated, she needs to let it go and be happy with what she has in the here and now!
You have all helped me with your contributions on this board so I want to say thanks and I feel bad for your current struggles.
With all thats going on in your lives I sure hope you can make some time to get some good sleep!
I'm overwhelmed with all the usual clutter/home improvement projects not finished/kids activities/volunteer activities too.
My DH was not to happy when I went to clean at church last week but I haven't cleaned our kitchen floor in well I'd rather not admit
Wish I could help you but at least I can say thanks for being part of this board!
though not sure about posting much. I prefer to not think of myself as being depressed and what is there for me to be overwhelmed about anyway? but admit I have told the doc last two visits that life sucks. so they are working hard on changing that
I tend towards a depressive type personality I think so have learned to fight it all my life. part is just refusing to think about it and part is action I can take along with learning to control my thoughts.
Penny in FL (Login Bugpugmom) The Frugalista Files
I'm glad to see this thread
June 14 2012, 2:07 PM
There's no point in struggling alone, and we all struggle. I was diagnosed with depression years ago, and I've been on meds for it for at least 7 years. I can't remember exactly. I was tried on lots of different ones, then gave up because they were all making me so sick. But the one I'm on now works great, so well in fact that at times I think, I don't need this stuff, I'm fine! Then about 2 weeks later, I remember why I was on it.
Your doc might start you out on something else first, but keep Cymbalta in mind. It works for me the best of any of them--no feeling "flat"--plus it's also Rx'd for fibromyalgia. I don't have fibro, but I also haven't had aches and pains since I've been on it, which has been a little over a year.