I'm glad I posted yesterday! I had no idea there were so many of you. Honestly, I've been trying to get someone to talk to me for MONTHS.
My specific 'issues' are me. I feel like everything is just being stripped away from me a thing at a time and I'm starting to feel a little panicky about that like I will have nothing left.
And I know what to do! Keep busy or get busy. Try new things. Get involved, etc. but everything I try is a complete failure or doesn't help.
I am taking an online crazy quilting class and I've spent a LOT of money on it and I hate it. Also- I SUCK at it. It might have been better in person, but any local classes are SO expensive and I don't have cotton scraps! I don't think I've sewed with cotton since my kids were little!
I tried signing up as an ESL tutor, but they are done for the summer. I tried signing up for Reading Buddies (where you read with a reluctant reader for an hour and a half per week so they don't lose all their skills over the summer) But they really want tutors that are 12-18... if they have any extra kids that aren't going to get a chance they'll take me.
My youngest has graduated from homeschooling and I didn't do as good of a job at developing my own interests as I thought I did. That has left a HUGE hole in my life.
Dh is working and has just been promoted. I've decided to feel fine about that because I am burnt out with looking after him and everyone else. I know that probably no one will understand why that is a problem for me, but he can be kind of a jerk to live with when he is working and especially when he is the boss at work. And when he becomes the supervisor (he always does ...)it is just the beginning of the end. But hopefully he'll work for two - three years. It's the best I can hope for in any case.
My house is an absolute disaster and has been since January 2008.
We are in month #4 of bankruptcy which is good, but stressful. I find bankruptcy a LOT more stressful than the creditor calls were, but did it to avoid having my wages garnished. Money is a HUGE issue with dh when he is depressed and sometimes when he isn't. It's fine, but it just always an issue.
Work. I've cut back to 50 hours/ week of sleepover nights which is better, but there is talk that the client will get a roommate with high needs and I just don't think I have the energy to deal with that. I was planning to look for a different job- maybe in the fall- but now if feels like it is looming. And my plan was to keep the sleepover nights and get a different second job. :-/
Food issues. Gut issues. Like BA I do well on grain free, etc. but it gets to the point where there is nothing to eat. Dh wants to go out to eat and there is nothing for me on the menu. And I admit to being VERY weak-willed when the Pizza 73 box is in front of me...
Planning... I just feel like I can't get it together. I'm always at the store buying food and we never seem to have food in the house to make a meal. It's been like that since about... Christmas. It's the same with dishes, laundry, bill paying, etc. I just never seem to get on top of any of it!
Okay- so your challenge this week (should you chose to accept it) is identify your issues, challenges, barriers to success...
Harder challenge- chose one thing to work on from your list of challenges. Like Maxine(?) said- it can be something really small, but from a behaviour modification stand point it is a good idea to choose something that would be a good habit- brush your hair, put garbage in the garbage can, brush your teeth, make your bed, keep your desk cleared off. You know- whatever is really manageable, but meaningful, to you.
Extra hard challenge- Make a goal that will change your life in the right direction. I've given this a LOT of thought so I was able to come up with one today. #1 Let all the adults in this house manage themselves or everyone takes care of their own needs.
Almost every word except about the dh. Mine doesn't want to be a supervisor and I'm the one who ges crazy about money.
I used to laugh about people in the '60's going out to find themselves. I mean, you're right there and you already know who you are, right? Well, now I understand. After the kids left home, we got out of debt, I didn't know what to do with myself, what my purpose in life was, or if I even had a purpose. I lucked into getting a temporary research job, and managed to do it despite my gut problems, though it was flexible enough that I could come and go as I pleased. After that ended, I thought I'd look for the same type work other places and it has all but dried up around here.
When I'm having a good health day, I feel like I could work a regular 8 to 5 job, but when I'm having a bad day (and the littlest thing can bring it on), I know there is no way I could do it. I don't clean house because there is so much stuff piled all over the place. I barely keep up with the laundry, and I don't even want to leave the house even to go grocery shopping. Bills are being paid late again, just because I don't want to dig through whatever pile the bills are in.
I keep thinking once this remodel is done, I can get the house back in order and I'll get out of this funk. Dh is really trying to eat better now, and all I want is comfort food, even though I know that will make me sick. I used to be able to plan a week of menus and now I barely cook because the prep and cleanup is going to make such a mess, and I don't want to deal with any of it.
I really don't know how to identify what my barrier to success is. Does clutter count? I know I have a really bad attitude about everything right now. And lucky me, I get to go to my obgyn for my annual this afternoon.
The road to success is always under construction.
This message has been edited by TxNet on Jun 11, 2012 10:32 AM
The thing about me is I knew what I wanted early in life and I got all of it (the good and bad) I wanted to get married and be a mom. Then when they started to get to school age I wanted to homeschool. That was really all the goals that I had for my life I know realize- not that they weren't big enough. I did a huge amount of work in the last 25 years.... but now... what...
And I am in a city that VERY much favours the young- probably because they will take any hours or any shift without complaining and people my age really won't!
I have been reluctant to jump on this thread and the one below it... I don't feel like giving myself a pity party. I don't have the energy to do it... I feel like I am constantly getting stuck then my anxiety and depression move in and the house that I keep "sort of presentable" (most of the time) turns into a disaster zone... piles of clutter every place over take me till I box them up.... I have been trying to really deal with them and not just shift the piles around. Some days I make progress other days, I make messes....
Right now I have workmen in the house that are suppose to be doing my bedroom- painting walls, trim, making shelving in my closet and that kind of thing... well they show up and work about 2 1/2 hours- 4 hours a day... not much is getting done.... I'm looking at this crap, thinking in my head- "why did you hire them, you could have done all this??" but I was too depressed and lazy to do it myself... could not get out of my own way.... So I thought hiring them would get it done faster.... then I am left feeling like a fool AND a spend thrift- BOTH..... meanwhile other stuff is going on that is just making life really complicated too... dealing with a child with mental illness, my unemployment running out this month, a 14 year old dog.... and a difficult X... can some time be too much ....
I'm going to my primary dr Wed so today's dr didn't do any tests. My blood pressure was a bit high and we were talking about that and I told him I was feeling a little light headed too and have been on and off for a month or two. After a few questions, he asked what I had for lunch and I only had a piece of bread because I didn't want to have a full stomach. That's what made him think it was hyperglycemia. But I looked at the symptoms when I got home and most fit. I have noticed lately that my knees and fingers are dry and peeling. Fingers made sense, but I was going to tell the internist about the knees.
The road to success is always under construction.
that the other dr should stick to obgyn, lol. He said none of my tests ever indicated my sugar levels were off, and not to worry about it. Still don't know what is causing my occasional dizzy spells though.
The road to success is always under construction.
I made my bed. I cleaned up after every mess I made. everybody else's are all over the place, but MINE are done. Well, that's not entirely true. I also did two loads of laundry, but don't have them folded and put away yet. I also made some excellent food choices---AFTER I ate two poptarts and had huge gut issues.
Today was progress. It was better than the last several days. At one point today--about an hour after the pop tart, actually--I thought I was about to go into a full blown anxiety attack. I felt as though I would need to call and have someone take me to the hospital. But I prayed, and I made a good lunch choice, and it all started to come back into balance.
Whew! One day out of the way. On to bed for now, and another one to overcome tomorrow!
The dr asked me today to start noting my food and when I have a gut, anxiety, or dizzy episode. He said the hyperglycemia usually happens an hour to an hour and a half after carbs, and sure enough that's when the dizzies hit me today. But I went straight to a 7/11 and bought some peanut butter crackers and water, ate them, and waited, and the dizzies never really went away. Tomorrow I'm not going to have carbs at all and start the log.
The road to success is always under construction.
Oh, no. I know exactly what triggers it all for me
June 12 2012, 3:26 AM
I've been doing this long enough to know full well what I can and cannot eat. I eat the wrong stuff anyway! I hope you get it all figured out soon. No carbs isn't good for you, either. Can you have fruit? At least a little mixed in with a hunk of cheese? I haven't heard of hyperglycemia. I'll have to look that up.
"The South Beach Diet" is an excellent introduction to how carbohydrates and sugars affect the body. You do NOT need to do "the diet" to get a lot from the book. There are three phases to South Beach, and the highly restricted diet is only the first one. I'll bet that if you followed the guidelines for Phase 3, your blood sugar would balance a whole lot better.....
(1) I did two loads of laundry and line-dried one of them. I am almost caught up.
(2) I put away the Christmas stuff. Not the way I wanted to do it (because I couldn't remember how), but it's put away.
(3) Cleaned out the furnace room and scrubbed the floor for the first time in 15 years. I rearranged the stuff that we store there and saw how I could do a better job of storage.
As you can see, I haven't done anything yet that you folks would see if you walked in my door. On the other hand, I'm going to be a lot better prepared to actually put things away. I've got places for stuff!! That's huge for me.
I want to go to bed right now, but I'm going to force myself to finish loading the dishwasher so I can run it tonight. I'm going to give it 5 minutes, max. The rest of the kitchen can wait until tomorrow, but at least we will have clean dishes.
I have started to shift some things. As I mentioned in the original post, I had a lot influencing my mood the past year; bad and good. As someone else said, I think it was PB? I want to put my "stuff" out there, not for pity, but understanding and knowing where I am coming from.
Besides depression I get migraines, have anxiety, I have tummy problems and PMS/menstrual stuff, along with scattered muscle pain in my knees, muscles in my legs and neck and pain in my feet.
I started to change my way of eating more drastically last week after reading my physical report that had my weight on it and my doc put down 'obese' next to it!! eeek, I am 40 lbs overweight. I found a few books on autoimmune diseases (fibromyalgia, arthritis, etc) and how diet can influence pain relief. I have stopped wheat a while ago, now I am done with dairy and all forms of sugar. I want to see if I have a yeast/sugar build up. I also know that food can influence hormone shifts.
Something positive I did today was 3 loads of laundry, happy kids and just finished studying for cellular quiz for tonight! I also ate well today. I had peanut butter on a rice cake and apple for breakfast, steamed zuchini and lemon water for lunch. I am trying to ween off coffee, but not having much luck, yet.
Sandy in NJ (Login SandyinMI) The Frugalista Files
good things today
June 12 2012, 2:21 PM
Finished the dratted wallpaper in the LR and did a big grocery shop with ds. Hopefully will not have to go for a couple of weeks except for milk but we've been trying to eat healthier and plowing through produce left and right.
I need to choose which flooring estimate to go with and then I have to at least prime pretty much every wall and ceiling in the house. One room at a time...
sooo true... sometimes tho I am afraid I have given myself too much permission to be imperfect and let the house get a mess! LOL! But today my goal is to set the timer and work on the kitchen island for 20 mins. If I am energetic, I might get a 2nd 20 minute session in!
and keep plugging away at the crazy quilting class. Dh said I'm much better than I was. I asked if he didn't really think I was just as bitchy as I ever was and he said no, that I was a DIFFERENT kind of bitchy. Yeah, so that's nice! Well, I know he meant it in a nice way.
I signed the kids up for soccer in the fall. While there someone asked me if I coached last year. I emphatically said "i'm not interested" I have spent many hours on the field dealing with bratty kids while parents sit on the sidelines and chat. Yes I promise I like kids but I also enjoy watching my kids play and they aren't brats.
I also tackled a mountain of laundry and actually got it all put away this evening.
One thing I try to do on a daily basis is pick my camera up and go outside and take pictures...the dogs some days...bugs or birds, whatever strikes my fancy...if I can't get outside I work on processing some of the photo's I have taken....there is something about nature pictures that soothe me and pick me up...
My inlaws were here ALL day on Saturday, highly stressful, so on Sunday morning DH said he thought I needed to go out and take pictures...so he packed a picnic lunch and we headed for an area called Union Creek, always good for pictures...he would stop at places he thought were good for pictures...and of course of few of them were good for fishing:> since he just happened to have a pole in the back...I wandered around and took pics and he fished... Kind of like a mini vacation.
Today was the last day of school...tomorrow is my last day of work... I want to work on the house for a day or so then we will be moving my daughter back in, but on Sunday(Fathers day) I am hoping to go to wildlife safari and take some pics...it is fairly expensive at 17.99 a person, plus the gas and 1 1/2 hour drive... but on Sunday fathers get in free:> Will depend on how we feel after moving DD back home from Klamath.
Hopefully tomorrow night we will know if our contract was ratified...hoping it is...
" life isnt about waiting for the storms to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain."