A few ideas

by

 

Hi Joyce

I like the sentiment and idea behind your song. A few suggestions if I may:

V1 - The old mountain climbing and love surviving idea can get a little worn. Sentiment is good but maybe a more original picture..how about no sea to wide that your love couldn't bridge. I know not terribly original either but let your mind go in that direction. Or maybe no wind to strong that....

For a soft song I find your chorus to be pretty hard and heavy. Could just be me not fitting it to the right music.

IMO the verses are not in the order I would anticipate. I sort of see the first kiss before running naked. Maybe try and keep the time line in place. Have your lyrics build from the meeting, to the memories to the here and now.

Keep writing.

Cheers

Vic




Posted on Mar 3, 2000, 11:22 PM
from IP address 209.183.6.169


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