Only in the last two lines of the lyric do I get any sense of "wrath" from her -- because of the extreme climax, when the focus on her thoughtout the lyric was as a victim. "Wrath" is just too strong a word unless you take a different approach by saying just a bit about her being a victim so that the listener gets the [point about that, and re-focus on the things that really demonstrate her wrath -- pretty much from the get-go. You could even set it up nicely with an intro chorus to set that tone -- just a thought. It's too extreme to wait 'til the end of the song to come out with the 'extreme' without having properly developed the character. It just doesn't work IMO. You have some work ahead of you with this one. But that's the challenge (and the fun of it IMO.)
To answer your question about a chorus, I think THIS song either needs to be AABA (in which case you at least need a bridge), or (B)AABCB form, which means you may need bridge and definitely a chorus depending on which route you take. Since your stanzas are so short, I'd say you need to go (B)AABCB (or a variation). But again, I really think you first need to re-focus on the 'wrath' of the character and properly develop it.
Hope this helps Ashlee.
Tom
Posted on Mar 11, 2000, 12:07 PM from IP address 206.191.5.165