Yah, the lines 'One word unspoken Is another three left unsaid' are moslty what I was hoping for help on. The "one word" I was getting at is goodbye, the "three" I love you. Neither are being said by either of them and it's getting them nowhere.... I guess maybe I'm trying to say too much with those two lines? Geez! Doesn't anyone know how to read minds? Any suggestions?
Also, the first verse was a little shaky to me too. Is this any better?
If love disappears
And no one sees it slip away
Does the heart <really> break
If no one's there to feel the pain?
I'd like to keep the pain with the broken heart, and the love with the slipping away....
And I like the idea of the first chorus(es) being internal denial (I take it you mean her's?) I'm gonna have to go sit down with that one and work on it!!
I've got a melody idea, but I have no actual music for the song to speak of. I'm looking for a co-writer. So hopefully I will have some real music soon!
THANKS EVERYONE!!!!
this is the first time I've actually put any of my stuff out there for anyone to read and I was really nervous about it, but I really liked this song and I wanted some feedback. this is really cool and I'll definitely be coming back with more!
Thanks again!
Posted on Mar 16, 2000, 5:27 PM from IP address 205.188.199.38
Any suggestions?