I really like this! I agree with Shayne's suggestions on the condensing. I would probably write the bridge a little different... The singer is talking about himself and his love (I and you) and then in the bridge he's not...I was a little confused at the last line too--what can he do? It just kind of threw me...
Maybe something like:
Bridge:
It happened (suddenly?) one day
My (or Our) life was torn in two
I lost you, I wanted to die
There was nothing I could do
Well, that was rough, but you get my idea...
I really like this song! Good luck and I hope you post the rewrite!
-Rochelle
Posted on Mar 19, 2000, 7:03 PM from IP address 152.163.197.73