I like this more than the original draft. "Atlas of the soul"..... nice! I'm still not sure what you're referring to by "The metaphor" and "the reason", though. It doesn't seem to directly connect to anything upon reading it.
Also, in the bridge, it feels like "Before" should be "When", and "When" three lines later should be "And". That seems more logical to me.
Not much more to add besides that. At least the title makes sense now. Before, when you equated the love of money (the root of all evil, Shakespeare wrote) and love of God, the message didn't ring true.
Great job here for a second draft.
Posted on Mar 28, 2000, 4:29 PM from IP address 136.2.1.101