Welcome back FJ -- and good to see you're still the same sunny guy! Okay all kidding aside, you're right, this is a poem -- and from a songform standpoint, a collection of Verses, and maybe a Bridge -- that next-to-last four-line section that, wait a minute, actually holds out hope of something positive ??? Are you sure you're feeling entirely well? Okay, okay ... no more jokes.
What you're in search of is a Chorus. What that Chorus is, of course, is up to you -- but the "Lies and Rain" phrase, used and supported the right way, has more than just a little hook potential ...
at least in this American's humble opinion. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Don Rowe
Posted on Apr 6, 2000, 5:03 PM from IP address 209.145.177.122