This one strikes me as being just okay. The main problem, IMO, is that "it happened" is extraordinarily dull and vague for a hook-- especially for a hook that's used in both the verses and chorus. I imagine it sounds nice in your melody, however.
Now, in the nit department:
Line 2 is transposed to fit the rhyme. The line should really go "When things weren't going right for me", but of course, you can't do that.
"We made great love" makes it sound like you had sex on the first date.
You say you feel all alone, then a few lines later, you're singing about how happy you are.
And you skipped over the couple's courtship. All we're ever really told in this song is that they had a great first night together and she was swept off her feet. Then all of a sudden, they're lifelong loves. We never hear the singer talk about how in love he is with her.
That's all I thought stuck out as wrong in this song. I really like the chorus, though. Good, fun imagery. Good luck with this one!
Posted on Apr 13, 2000, 6:57 AM from IP address 216.40.148.149