~V1~
She sits alone in the house they once shared
[It] used to be a loving home
[ ] now [it's] nothing but walls [all] bare.
Thinking back to the day they first moved in
And how happy she thought they'd be
Nothing could have prepared her for [ ] sad reality
[The rhyme scheme is unusual -- ABACDD -- that middle line that doesn't rhyme ("moved in") bothers me. I'd either go for rhyming it with the second line OR making all those fourth lines in each verse rhyme with each other. It isn't important to the story, but it is important to the listener's sense of completeness and ease.]
~V2~
She gave him everything, her heart, [her] soul and mind
[And] one by one he used them up
Until there was nothing left of her to find
She hears that tiny voice inside her head
Tell[ ] her everything will be okay
Pull yourself together tomorrow's a brand new day
[This is a little confusing, particularly the tiny voice, since it comes at a time in the narrative you expect a negative thought. If you want the tiny voice to not be such a surprise, introduce it with a phrase to show that it's her resolve, her rock-bottom, "tomorrow is another day" voice, not the voice of doubt. As you have it, it seems too abrupt a change in mood. And the last two lines are pretty wimpy, too. What I'd do is save the change to positive thinking until the next verse, and keep this one looking on the down-side of things.]
~Chorus~
Everything changes
And rearranges
[Technically speaking, things don't "rearrange," they get rearranged. Maybe:
"Everything changes
[Life] rearranges --"
or some other "actor" if "life" doesn't work for you. Or make it
"Everything's changing
And rearranging"
-- see what I'm getting at?]
Nothing ever stays the same
Tears of sadness
Will turn to [glad]ness
[Yes, it's a trite rhyme, but I didn't like "happiness" as a rhyme with "sadness." Perhaps there's a better pairing out there that doesn't involve either word.]
Just as the sun will shine after it rains
We watch in amazement
As everything changes
When we learn to release the pain
~V3~
The voice grows louder with each passing day
Giving her strength and courage
As the bitter memories slowly fade away
It's hard to let go of the life she's known
And start all over again
Yet she knows she must, it's time for her new life to begin
[An example of a positive verse, unlike the mixed verse above. I'm disappointed in the changing rhythmic scan here, though. Some of the lines seem too long and others too short. Doyouhavetoputalotofsyllables onto one beat? And th-en spr-ead the ne-xt li-ne amo-ng notes? I'd suggest, as someone else here has, that you tap the rhythm out carefully, and keep it constant and consistent.]
~V4~
She sits watching her kids while they laugh and play
As a smile forms on her lips
She thinks to herself, they've come such a long way
That little voice has finally disappeared
And been replaced by her own
They're so much happier in this new place they now call home
[Hmmm... I'm not sure about this verse. Especially the "loss" of the little voice. Perhaps instead of the replacement with her own, she could have just taken it over and made it her own.
I also think the change in time in each verse works till you get to this verse, and I don't know why I think that. Every verse is in the present tense (she "does" this and "says" that) even when it's the past you're talking about, so why does it jar on me that you're suddenly in the "real now" in the last verse? Whatever, the verse bothers me somehow, and I can't tell why. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a sign to check it out carefully.]
~Chorus~
Everything changes
And rearranges
Nothing ever stays the same
Tears of sadness
Will turn to happiness
Just as the sun will shine after it rains
We watch in amazement
As everything changes
When we learn to release the pain
~Tag~
Yes everything changes
And rearranges
When we finally let go of the pain
[Now I know! There's no place that she lets go of the pain -- it just dribbles away (at the urging of that little voice, I guess) and now it's gone. Your conclusion in the chorus isn't supported very well by the verses, other than through the passage of time. I'd hit harder on the turning point, the time she decided to stop being a victim and to let go of the anger and pain. That's not so much missing as camouflaged here. IMO, you should make it perfectly clear.]
Bob Clayton
Posted on May 1, 2000, 5:07 PM from IP address 165.224.57.92