Reading this, I kept getting a picture of the blokes lined up in Hay Street, (The red light area of Kalgoorlie West Aussie) on a pay night.
Know that wasn't your intent but that is what came to mind to me in the first verse.
Liked the rhyme pattern and flow in the openers but it got a bit lost down the line. Pun intended.
Found the switch to on line love a bit much of a jump.
Think this is to fragmented and needs more connecting fibres between verses.
Graham
Posted on May 2, 2000, 8:04 PM from IP address 206.135.142.18