This is good for a first draft. The only general suggestion I can make offhand is to make the song entirely about what's happening with today's kids. As it is now, it starts off talking about societal ills in general, and doesnt mention kids until line 3 of the chorus.
I'd change "family unit" too-- it's too much of a formal-sounding term. And you should make your case before the chorus by mentioning some somewhat specific descriptions of wayward kids. ("12-year-old killers", for instance-- we've got plenty of 'em up here in the good ol' USA.)
Good luck tweaking this one!
Posted on May 3, 2000, 6:00 AM from IP address 216.40.148.156