Hello Brenda. As you may remember I liked this song at your earlier posting.
If you look at the flow of your first verse
As long as Mary could remember.
and compare it with the first line of your
second verse.
It would be difficult to put the same melody to both lines correctly.
Whatever accentuated rythmn you decide to put
to the song, you have a problem here.
on MA-RY the natural accent is on the first syllable of this two syllable word.
however on the first line of the second verse
you say
When she o-ver-heard some folks whis-per
the natural stress of O-VER-HEARD comes on
O and HEARD the first and third syllables,
You have a similar problem on the third and fourth verses.
Dont worry you are not alone on this, many posts on "The Write Stuff" contain this problem,
I would like a dollar for the number of times I have pointed it out.
But to have a chance of any success you must
get this sorted out.
Your story is Brilliant , but I dont believe
you have written these words to a melody.
If you are interested I will tell you of a book, that goes into great detail on this very
immportant part of Songwriting, just E Mail me.
I Love the story,and your rhyme sheme is correct, it shows you have the right make up to be a Successfull Songwriter.
Peter Kristian
Posted on May 6, 2000, 8:51 AM from IP address 213.36.45.16