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Network54 >> Entertainment >> Music >> Songwriters >> Forums >> The Write Stuff--Songwriting Workshop
Colleen made me do it
Graham
This is the previous post re-titled, re-hooked and re-worded some. No condensing yet.
Thanks Colleen. Think this added abit of oomph to it.
Graham
Hey Graham,
Sorry it took me so long to get back here with my two cents. It's been a trying week, Best of luck with this one. Comments scattered down below.
I really like this opening verse, really grabs my attention, I'd bring the chorus in here, imho I like the attitude you have flowing, but I'd be careful to keep it universal thorough out-how many woman play football?
So-delete maybe I don't mess with my hair. The way a girl's s'posed to do.
And maybe I don't fret when I break a nail. I got better things to do.
So what if my face gets dirty. And my hands have a callous or two.
I am a woman. An all the way woman. Enough woman for you.-A question at the end of this line, might spice it up even more-Am I woman enough for you?
Chorus
Don't you try to change me. Don't try to re-arrange me
I'm happy with how I live my life.
If you want a Barbie doll look a like. Don't plan on me for a wife.
Any man that fancies. Me as his girl. Had better understand from the start.
Perfume and flowers. Or poetry for hours. Is never gunna to win my heart.
I think the chorus really needs some condensing imho, you can shorten it up without losing any of it's appeal
ie-Don't try to change me, or rearrange my life
If you want a Barbie doll look a like
better look else where for a wife
You might want to consider pulling the hook in in your end line in the chorus too.
Instrumental-I don't think you'll need an instrumental break with the flow of the meter that I'm seeing.
I like the simple life. I like to spend my days out of doors.
I like digging in the garden. And helpin' a man with his chores.
I like goin' off fishin'. And I like to go huntin' sometimes.
I like the exhilaration. And get a tinglin' sensation. When I've got a new mountain to climb.
I really like this verse too, once again I'd be careful to keep it universal, and don't think you'll loose any of it's effect along the way-consider replacing the hunting line,omho
Chorus
Don't you try to change me. Don't try to re-arrange me
I'm happy with how I live my life.
If you want a Barbie doll look a like. Don't plan on me for a wife.
Any man that fancies. Me as his girl. Had better understand from the start.
Perfume and flowers. Or poetry for hours. Is never gunna to win my heart.
Tag
I am a woman.
An all the way woman.
A woman.
All the way