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Newsletter #40 6-11-2000 Richard Keech
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Sun, 11 Jun 2000 00:35:42 EDT
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Newsletter #40 June 11-2000
© 2000 Richard Keech
WHY ALL THE CIRCUITS BLEW AT CMC EAST
Hello friends, this is another trip report from your friend, the
traveler.
I’m still stranded in that fascinating city I came to visit.
As you all know,
it is not located in America. It is totally foreign to anything
you at home
will ever see. Its called “CMC EAST”. It’s a prison.
It’s one of the cities
of that great California Prison Empire. It’s located somewhere
on the other
side of Outer Mongolia.
For the past week, my friends and I have watched a problem in
the making.
It's been fun.
We have been watching the installation of a giant outdoor
cigarette lighter.
You are laughing now, I know, you think this is some kind of
joke. It is,
and, it isn't.
We have been watching each day as a long deep trench has been
dug in one
corner of our exercise field.
This trench leads to a deep pit about 6 feet across and 6 feet
deep. We watch
as a prefabricated steel square pillar about 8 inches by 10
inches in cross
section and about 10 feet in length is located over the center
of this pit.
We watch as concrete is poured around the base of the column in
a manner that
provides access to an electric cable being brought into it thru
the trench.
We now have, we see, a pillar of steel, wired for electricity,
standing all
by itself in one corner of our exercise field. It is
strategically located
about half way between the two bulldings housing prisoners in
the quad.
We learn via the rumor mill that this is an outdoor cigarette
lighter for our
use. (There will be no official announcement, no written
explanation. Thats
not the way it’s done in prison.)
On each side of the pillar is a small hole about 5 feet from the
ground, with
a button above it.
You walk up to the pillar, push your cigarette thru the hole,
press the
button and draw in air thru the cigarette. If you do it right a
glowing
electric element inside the columns will light your cigarette.
How funny! How embarrassing! You have to stand with your face an
inch away
from the massive steel column and suck on a cigarette. Why would
any smoker
do that?
Well, because the prison will very soon issue a new rule taking
all cigarette
lighters away from the men.
“They wouldn’t listen when we told them to stop smoking in
their cells,” the
staff will be happy to tell you. “A good rule that didnt work,
so, time for a
new rule.”
And new rules are just what they want because the prison has
embarked on
another Public Relations campaign to show how caring it is of
its minions.
This sort of thing is done from time to time to help the
Correctional
Officers Union justify its high paying jobs.
The prison wants to do something dramatic to convince all voting
Californians
how well it cares for the health of its prisoners.
My friends here, from years of experience, know exactly how this
is done.
More rules will be written. These will be nicely printed up to
be handed out
with other prison brochure data to all visiting VIPs. PTA
presidents, local
mayors, civil liberty lawyers and certain “do gooders” who
have shown an
interest in prison welfare.
In prison it is much cheaper to write rules that read well than
it is to hire
doctors and spend money on medicine.
- - You need vitamins? Don't bother the prison staff, buy your
own at the
canteen.
- - You have no teeth and need dentures? Well better get used to
eating
without them. The prison does have one dentist but his waiting
line is over
two years. You will find that a lot of men have learned to live
without their
teeth. It just takes getting used to.
Rules changes make for the best public relations releases, and
they cost
nothing. Rules that the public knows are probably disagreeble,
while
seemingly designed to improve the health of the prisoner, make
for perfect
Public Relations Hype.
By making the prisoners comply with some disagreeable rule the
proper
atmosphere of punishment is maintained. The seemingly obvious
benefit to the
prisoners health of this further limitation to his life style is
excellent
evidence of the humane management obtained from your highly paid
Correctional
Officers.
Now, I hear many of you saying, listen guy, smoking is bad for
your health.
These men will live longer and be happier if they quit smoking.
That seems to make sense doesn't it? At least out in the real
world. To be
honest, it doesn’t make the same sense here in prison. This
has to do with
“quality of life”
There has to be a reason for living. It has to be worth the
trouble. A life
with no color, no joy, no pleasures, is not worth living.
When the prison says, We are going to take away the last source
of pleasure
you have, your smoking enjoyment, so that you will live longer
here in Hell,
this Hell we have created for you, these are not welcome words.
Prison is a pleasant place? No, not if the “Board of Prison
Terms” has
anything to say about it. It is not. You want to live forever in
this grey
colorless tasteless landscape? You are a fool.
Does the thought that your one last pleasure, smoking, is
dangerous to your
health and may reduce your years in prison frighten you? Of
course not,
quite the contrary. If smoking cigarettes not only makes you
feel good, but wi
ll reduce your time in Hell, then that’s the way to go. There
are worse ways
to die.
To conclude on a happy note, and clear up some confusion on the
title, let me
explain that neither the outdoor lighter nor the rule to
eliminate cigarette
lighters will have the slightest affect on the prison smoking
population.
These are men who have weathered a thousand setbacks. They know
how to “Roll
a bit with the blows but stay on their feet and come back
fighting”
So how does a prisoner light a cigarette without matches or
lighters?
If you ask that question, I shall know you have never seen the
inside of a
county jail. And, of course I do know that most of you haven't.
Here’s how you do it. It requires two paper clips and a pencil
lead. ( Lots
of paper clips in any stack of legal mail. Prisoners are deluged
with legal
mail, always bad news of course, but thats not the point here.)
You insert a paper clip in each side of an electric outlet. The
clips should
protrude an inch or so and be about half an inch apart. You then
twist a 6
inch wick out of soft paper, a paper towel will do fine. You
next insert the
pencil lead through the wick. It's ready to be fired up now.
Hang the wick so
that it drops between the two paper clips and lower it till the
pencil lead
touches both clips. There will be a sharp crack as a spark jumps
across the
lead and the twisted paper wick will flare up. It’s on fire
now. Pull the
burning wick back and light your cigarette.
Also, be prepared to hear some loud words from nearby friends.
You have
probably blown out the circuit breaker and the power to their
TVs will be cut
off. With no lighters around, however, no one will hold this
against you. You
are among friends.
Richard Keech
semper fi
My web site is
Richard
Keech 