Announcer: Live from the Awards Circuit forums, it’s the Bait an Oscar Golden Globe awards. And now, please welcome….Zgamer!
(Zgamer enters)
Zgamer: Welcome all to this month’s edition of the Golden Globes. Yes, it does feel a little different ever since we postponed the last GG’s, but we are happy with the turnout we got here so we won’t cancel again…unless someone causes a riot, at which case we will end the ceremony here immediately. We’re looking at you James! Just kidding, we have some great baits up for awards tonight. From comedic outings like The Film Club to ensemble pieces like Chateau Marmont, the skill and quality here cannot be bought….unless you have lots of money. Ok, let’s get things going with our first presenter. Please welcome the talented Hugh Laurie!
(Hugh Laurie enters as music from The Wishbones plays)
Hugh Laurie: Today’s world usually demands for the audience to only focus on the lead actor or actress in the movie. However, if these mandatory lead in speeches have taught us anything, that statement is a lie. So here are the nominees for Best Supporting Actress:
Emily Blunt for Cry To Heaven
Maggie Cheung for Losing Xiang
Maria-Josee Croze for Chateau Marmont
Janeane Garofalo for The Film Club
Natalie Portman in Sands of Mars
Uma Thurman for Neverland
And the award goes to….
…..
Emily Blunt for Cry to Heaven!!!
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Bryce: and now, from the hit bait Public Enemy, please welcome Kathy Bates!
(Kathy Bates walks on to the stage while Public Enemy's theme music plays in the background)
Kathy Bates: You know I always love doing the globes. It such a great ceremony, and last month you guys really did a wonderful job.
Bryce: Uh...The Globes was canceled last month.
Kathy Bates: Really, I could of sworn I was looking at the Globes last month. You guys gave Sophie Okonedo the award for Best Supporting Actress.
Bryce: I think your thinking of the festival or something.
Kathy Bates: Really? ...No, I remember American Hollow had three nominations in the best supporting actor category.
Bryce: That's this month.
Kathy Bates: Oh...So who was nominated last month?
Bryce: Nobody, it was canceled.
Kathy Bates: Hmmm...Oh Well, last month was still the best globes ceremony ever!!!
Bryce: ...
Kathy Bates: The nominees for Best Supporting Actor are....
Robert Duvall for American Hollow
Peter Facinelli for Cry To Heaven
Peter Fonda for American Hollow
Emile Hirsch for Blackbirds
Timothy Hutton for The Drifter
Paul Schneider for American Hollow
Zgamer: Let’s bring out more people. Cover your heads, here comes Russell Crowe!!!!
(Crowe enters as music from The Poisonwood Bible plays)
Russell Crowe: It’s the lead actor. Unlike what Mr. Laurie says, these mandatory introduction speeches actually reinforce the message that the lead stars are more important. So, here’s our nominees for Best Actress in a Drama:
Sarah Michelle Gellar for Chateau Marmon
Taryn Manning for Sweetest Girlt
Ana de la Reguera for La Bella y La Bestia
Mary Steenburgen for The Drifter
Tang Wei for Losing Xiang
And the award goes to….
……
Ana de la Reguera for La Bella y La Bestia!!!!
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Bryce: From the hit bait Relentless, please welcome Paul Giamatti to the stage!
(Paul Giamatti approaches the stage while Relentless theme music plays in the background)
Paul Giamatti: I was very devastated last month when I realize I wouldn't be presenting any awards at the globes last month..
Bryce: I didn't know the globes meant that much to you.
Paul Giamatti: It doesn't it just that I ended up have to spend that day with my mother in law. But I got the perfect solution for you guys so you can get more votes and for me not to see my mother in law.
Bryce: I'm listening.
Paul Giamatti: More chicks.
Bryce: Like chicken?
Paul Giamatti: No, I mean the other kind of chicks. The one with the ta-tas and junk-in-trunks. This ceremony is a sausage fest.
Bryce: Well Maia is here.
Paul Giamatti: That's one chick, I'm talking about a whole montage of chicks. For example..
(Paul Giamatti whistles, a group of female supermodels walks unto the stage)
Paul Giamatti: Imagine how many votes you can get with these girls. Best part, there all cheap, picked up all on sunset blvd.
Bryce: Well people are reading this, they can't actually see this.
Paul Giamatti: Thanks a lot, now you've ruined everyones imagination....*sigh*..I guess I better get on with this..The nominees for best actress in a comedy or musical are..
Blythe Danner for No One Knew Her Name
Anna Faris for No One Knew Her Name
Helen Mirren for The Rural Juror
Ellen Page for High Times
Julia Stiles for Trick
Paul Giamatti: See, you need more girls like this..Of coarse Helen's a little old for my taste, and Ellen will get me locked up in jail, but still....anyways the winner is...
……..
Blythe Danner for No One Knew Her Name!!!!!
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Bryce: Please Welcome Hayao Miyazaki to the stage, writer of the hit bait Pride of Baghdad!
(Hayao Miyazaki along with a Translator walks onto the stage while Pride of baghdad's theme music plays in the background)
Hayao Miyazaki whispers into his translator's ear.
Hayao Miyazaki's Translator: Mr. Miyazaki would like to thank the Globes for this oppurtunity to present the award for best screenplay. He says when it coems to film, the magic you saw on screen is the result of the magic that some writer gave to his screenplay. Magic that comes from heart, determination, commitment, and creativity. In that sense, every writer is a magician of film. These six writers proved that their magic is in level of it's own. The nominees for Best Screenplay are...
American Hollow
La Bella y La Bestia
Chateau Marmont
Cry To Heaven
The Drifter
The Film Club
Hayao Miyazaki (in very rough English): And the winner is...
……………
The Film Club!!!!
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Bryce: From the bait The Juke, please welcome Jena Malone to the stage!
(Jena Malone walks unto the stage while The Juke's theme music plays in the background)
Jena Malone: I also have a suggestion for the Globes.
Bryce: Go on..
Jena Malone: How about you give people five dollars every time they vote.
Bryce: Where are we going to find the money for that?
Jena Malone: I thought of that too, It could be like a "leave a penny, take a penny" jar. Everyone that votes has to pay you five dollars, and after voting is done, you pay them five dollars.
Bryce: No one will be making a profit.
Jena Malone: No, but as long as money is involved people will get interested.
Bryce: Nobody is going to trust us with money. (If you do trust me with money email me and I'll give you the address to send it to.)
Jena Malone: Alright, bad idea...how about Public Executions? You know, make an example for those who don't vote.
Bryce: Just present the awards..
Jena Malone: The nominees for best actor in a comedy or musical are...
Laz Alonzo for Lost Soul
Hank Azaria for The Film Club
David Duchvony for The Rural Juror
Alex Frost for High Times
Anton Yelchin for The Film Club
Jena Malone: And the winner is....
……….
Hank Azaria for The Film Club!!!!
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Zgamer: Make sure you stand up and cheer. It’s Toni Colette!
(Colette enters as music from The Poisonwood Bible plays)
Toni Colette: The male lead. It’s one of the most competitive roles in all of Hollywood. Even women would kill to get the power of a male lead role. So, let’s see what lucky guys beat me to get the nomination:
Javier Bardem for La Bella y La Bestia
Leonardo DiCaprio for Blackbirds
Tommy Lee Jones for The Drifter
Nick Stahl for American Hollow
Gaspard Ulliel for Chateau Marmont
And the award goes to….
………..
Nick Stahl for American Hollow!!!!
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Zgamer: And now for something completely not leading into a Monty Python quote. Let’s bring out the only director to win a GG for directing an animated film: Mr. Miyazaki!
(No one shows up)
Zgamer: ……Miyazaki? Where did he go?
Voice: I can answer that!
(Steven Spielberg’s face is superimposed on a screen behind the stage)
Zgamer: Spielberg?
Steven Spielberg: No, it’s some other guy who won two Oscars for directing WWII dramas. Yeah it’s me. And I’m here filling in for Miyazaki because he wanted to get back home to watch the Olympics. So here are the nominees for Best Director:
Jean Luc-Godard & Luc Moullet for Chateau Marmont
Peter Bogdonavich for The Drifter
Guillermo del Toro for La Bella y La Bestia
Cameron Crowe for The Film Club
Milos Forman for Cry To Heaven
Francis Ford Coppola for American Hollow
And the award goes to…
……
Cameron Crowe for The Film Club!!!
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Bryce: And now, Writer of the Bait of the month winner The Wishbones, please welcome Chris M. to the stage!!!
(Chris M. walks on to the stage while The Wishbones' theme music plays in the background)
Bryce: You have any suggestions for us Chris M.?
Chris M.: It's simple, give me more nominations.
Bryce: That would give us more votes?
Chris M.: Think about it. People love me. Therefore if people saw I had more nominations they would come out and vote more.
Bryce: Well, you did get a good amount of nominations this month.
Chris M.: And look at how many votes you got...enough to keep the globes going. I mean look at last month, when you had to cancel, what bait was there that people could of voted for? Tuskegee? People don't vote for trash, they throw it in the garbage.
Bryce: hmm.....
Chris M.: The Wishbones won the academy award for best picture, and is the second highest grossing bait of all time. The statistics speak for themselves.
Bryce: Alright let's give it a try. Chateau Marmont now has seven nominations including Best Picture Drama AND Best Picture Comedy/Musical.
Chris M.: now your talking...Let's get this party started, the nominees for Best Picture Comedy or Musical are...
The Film Club
High Times
Lost Soul
No One Knew Her Name
Trick
Chris M: and Chateau Marmont!!!!!!!
Chris M.: And the winner is...I think it's going to be me............
…..
ah…The Film Club!!!!!
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Zgamer: And now, let’s bring out the big guns. We were going to bring Miyazaki again, but he didn’t show again because he was waiting to see who won the next Olympic event. So….we will bring out legendary actor Robert De Niro!
(De Niro enters as music from Cherry Blossoms plays)
De Niro: Schindler’s List. Taxi Driver. Braveheart. Lord of the Rings. These are films that I looked up on IMDB recently. But more importantly, they are part of the cinema pop culture for being revolutionary films that defined their genres. Tonight, many aspiring authors sent in their stories for what they feel will be the Braveheart or Schindler’s List of tomorrow and we will now pick a lucky winner from it. So here are the nominees for Best Picture Drama:
American Hollow
La Bella y La Bestia
Chateau Marmont
Cry to Heaven
The Drifter
And the award goes to….
……
……
Chateau Marmont!!!!
------------------------------
Zgamer: Thank you for joining us tonight for this event. Here is the recap for those who didn’t want to read the ceremony:
Best Picture Drama- Chateau Marmont
Best Actor Drama- Nick Stahl for American Hollow
Best Actress Drama- Ana de la Reguera for La Bella y La Bestia
Best Picture (Comedy/Musical)- The Film Club
Best Actor (Comedy/Musical)- Hank Azaria for The Film Club
Best Actress (Comedy/Musical)-Blythe Danner for No One Knew Her Name
Best Supporting Actor- Paul Schneider for American Hollow
Best Supporting Actress- Emily Blunt for Cry To Heaven
Best Director- Cameron Crowe for The Film Club
Best Screenplay- The Film Club
Sands of Mars
Nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress (Natalie Portman)
Now Playing in the Awards Circuit
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grtz to all the winners. And I like to thank everyone for the turnout of votes. It was very favorable, let's keep it up for the coming month. Good luck to everyone at the oscars.
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