I could really use all those cheerful spirit that u have,
it would really do me good
when i said hide i mean if someone invites us to a wedding, i find all of excuses why i cannot go, i now send my daughter shopping, my husband take the 4 year old to school and have to pick her up, i cannot do that though, even though i want to so bad
i really have good reasons why i hide now,since i fell while walking on a pedestrian crossing some years ago, i always have anxiety attack whenever i have to go out, as i know i could have been killed... my heart just keep on pounding, when i have to walk..and if my husband try to force me telling me i can do it..i just start to cry, because i know my feet feel like jelly and the pain is matchless...when i breakdown he said ok ok...By the way no one knows i have polio, my husband knows my legs r getting weaker each day, and i am falling very often, but he does not knows what it is... I JUST CANNOT TELL HIM, IT FEEL LIKE I DECEIVE HIM, EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE, i guess he would have some good money now if he did not have to spend so much on me, and the fact that i cant even work,my fingers just curled up when they ready and i have to open them, so i became a housewife which he likes, but i know when funds r low he would have prefered if i could contribute, he does not say it, but i am not stupid, he has been building a house since 95, and until now it still no finished, so u see i feel so guilty for him struggling so much..
i use to be very active at church, busy with the youths and so forth, but now i just invite them to lunch now and again...
i believe i have worn u out goodnight
God bless u all
