Hi All,
Thought I'd share this with you all. I was doing some reading online and came across this. It is too good to keep to myself so have a read.
DAYSPRING MINISTRIES
10 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK
Your Marriage CAN Make It!
1.Even in your most heated arguments – never say ‘divorce.’
One couple said, “Tell everyone you can….never speak the word ‘divorce;’” there is something fatal about it. Don’t plant that seed – it grows wild and fast.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21
2.Intense disagreement does not mean trouble in your marriage!
Be honest when you disagree. Express your hurt and your feelings. Keeping things bottled up nurtures all kinds of illnesses. When you have intense disagreements it’s easy to think negatively…“we’re allergic to each other”…
“it’s a hopeless situation”…we’ve lost our love and respect for each other.”
You and your spouse are human and you WILL have disagreements. Learn to address them quickly. Never think of quitting your marriage because communication is weak. People who look for a perfect relationship with “no more fighting” are looking for an illusion and will find only disappointment.
Most importantly – never drop ‘the bomb’ when you are arguing or disagreeing. Every spouse knows exactly what to say to push their mate’s hot button….don’t do it. Learn to admit, “Our marriage is good, we simply are failing to communicate” rather than resorting to saying things you’ll later regret.
“Keeping away from strife is an honor, but any fool will quarrel.” Proverbs 20:3
3.Never make your partner the brunt of jokes – privately or publicly!
Partners who poke fun at their spouse and think of it as “good natured joking” are only joking themselves. It is degrading and dangerous and just another way of putting him or her down. Behind most of these jokes is a spirit of anger and malice…a way of not letting them forget their mistakes; a way of bringing it to everybody’s attention. Behind the laughter is terrible pain and usually a wounded spirit.
“Dear children, let us not love with words alone but with actions and in truth…”…”let us love one another.” I John 3:18, 4:7
4.Practice complimenting each other – sincerely and often!
How tragic that some husbands and wives act as though they have been called to keep their companion humble. They constantly burst their spouse’s balloon “so they will not become proud or arrogant.”
Wives tend to become as beautiful as the compliments their husbands pay them. They become radiant when told how attractive they are. And husbands will do almost anything to live up to the compliments and encouragement of a proud wife.
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11
5.Set your love free – never smother each other!
It has been said, “If it’s real love, set it free – and it will always return. If it does not, it was not love from the start.”
A loving husband of 45 years confessed the secret of his enduring marriage to his wife: “I believe it is my privilege and duty to create an atmosphere in my home in which my wife can reach her full potential. She naturally, then, helps me reach mine.”
The most fulfilling of all marriages are those in which both husband and wife commit their love to God’s keeping and who truly set each other free to grow and mature. If God cannot keep you together, charm and sex will never do it. Without freedom, there is no growth. Not freedom to be indiscreet and unfaithful, but freedom to take on new challenges and reach for new goals. True freedom is based on trust, and trust comes from feeling secure in each other’s love.
“Loose the bands of injustice, undo the heavy burdens, let the oppressed go free and break every yoke.” Isaiah 58:6
6.Learn how to say, “I’m sorry” – and mean it!
Love Story was a movie with the theme, ‘Love is never having to say I’m sorry.’ Sounds good, but in real life, love is learning to say, “I’m sorry” then saying it often, and meaning it.
In conjunction with learning to say, "I’m sorry,” husbands and wives must learn how to say “I forgive.” It’s important to remember that Jesus instructed us to pray, “and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
“Be kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, just as God for Christ’s sake, has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32
7.Be open at all times – never shut each other out!
One of the most damaging actions to a relationship is the silent treatment. Never ‘clam up’ or walk out when things aren’t going your way.
‘Just leave me alone’,
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’
‘I’ll work it out myself’,
‘I don’t want to be around anybody right now,’ or
End of conversation’ are all phrases that should be banned in order for a marriage to be strong. It’s good to remember that sharing, caring and helping each other through every crisis, no matter how painful, is the true substance of a happy marriage and real commitment.
“Like a city that is broken into and without protection is a man who has no control over his spirit.” Proverbs 25:28
8 Make a conscious effort to keep the joy flowing!
If “the joy of the Lord is our strength” as we are told in Nehemiah 8:10, then strong marriages need an abundance of joy. When a marriage loses its joy, it becomes weak and vulnerable. A happy home contains a joyful couple.
Husbands and wives need to laugh and play together. There is a joyful childishness about true love. Marriages suffer when husbands are grim and wives are distraught.
Sure there are problems…sickness, unexpected troubles, financial reverses, misunderstanding and pain. But remember the Lord’s admonition, ‘this is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.’ Many couples keep hoping that someday they’ll be happy and content…when all the bills are paid, when the kids are grown, when they retire.
But life passes quickly and someday never comes.
“A joyful heart is good medicine but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22
9.Be cautious about turning to a third party in time of trouble!
Seeking professional counsel together with your spouse, after pursing every avenue of communication and reconciliation, is advisable. However, be extremely cautious about allowing anyone other than your spouse to be your best friend. There will always be someone there to “console” a hurting husband or wife. And when there’s no communication or anyone to talk to at home, many go seeking a friend elsewhere – “just someone to talk to.” This usually innocent act is full of danger.
Husbands and wives must be best friends, lean on each other and be there for each other. Leaning in any other direction leads to a fall. Bring your pain to Jesus, together, or alone if your spouse will not, and you will find encouragement, power, direction and peace.
“Casting all your care on Him for He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7
10.Consult Christ about every detail of your marriage!
Adam and Eve brought deceit into their marriage and then compounded their rebellion by hiding from God. Never hide from God – He knows anyway, but longs for you to tell Him. Just as God was intimately involved with that first marriage, He is concerned about you and longs to be the unseen partner in your marriage today.
Love is not enough to keep a marriage strong – but love coupled with God’s power working through our obedience, unleashes a miracle. His power is at work, right now, healing and keeping marriages.
Divorce is the result of one or both parties losing faith. But where Jesus Christ is King – that marriage can make it!
“Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling and to make you stand in the Presence of His glory blameless and with great joy...” Jude 24
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