Adee

I've been thinking about you. Our stories are similar but different. I struggle not just with IF but being a step-parent, raising the ex-wife's kids and knowing that my DH had babies with another women but not me. It's very painful sometimes: I feel like I'm inadequate or not a real wife and of course the children love her more than me.

I recently started using 2 books that have helped me a lot: "Mind over Mood" and "Feeling Good." Basically, they help you examine your own thinking processes through exercises and analyzing your thoughts. Just as an example, on our summer holiday my step-daughters told many people at the resort where we were staying that I wasn't their "real" Mom (they didn't mean any harm by this but it still made me feel like a loser). The book helped me realize that probably people would have many different reactions, if they even care. "Loser" is just in my own mind. That's one small example, but because of the books I'm getting more in the habit of analyzing and testing my thoughts when they start to spiral down.

I know you are in a similar situation as me and were looking for some help...so I thought this might be useful. On the other hand it may not be what you are looking for at all, which is fine.

I hope you are doing okay.