Sometimes, I have felt I've been handed a death sentence. I don't mean to be dramatic, I really don't. It has felt like that to me at times. Having suffered from depression for most of my life, this past year was by far the worst year of my life for depression since my mother died in a car accident. Sometimes, and I hate myself for thinking this - I sometimes feel this has been worse, because it's never ending. My mother's death - there was nothing I could do whatsoever, it was just over in an instant, and I went through the 5 stages of healing. Now - I'm just stuck in the grieving process and not getting to through it. It's just on hold because of the what if's. Of course, there is always grief over my mother, but you learn to deal with it. This, I don't really think there is a way of learning to deal with the lifetime of it. Maybe the here and now of it - but the thought of having to endure this for for the rest of my life - is really just unbearable.