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Well, I've got both and cancer has been infinitely worse

January 21 2012 at 3:42 AM
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Al  (Login AlinAsia)

Response to Stress Levels from Infertility the same as AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease?

Still unable to have a baby and now in my 6th year of trying, despite 11 IVFs and more IUIs. But since I have metastatic cancer, and a type that is known for long dormancies, I am also told that I will never be given the "all clear " (my first recurrence was after 9 years).

So while it's true that I have used the same coping strategies of "one day at a time" and while it's true I have wept nights of tears for the baby I don't seem to be able to have (not to mention the bitterness I have at the 3 separate doctors who failed to take my initial concerns about possible cancer that it had already spread when it was finally diagnosed...thanks guys, you may yet cost me my life), at my worst days after failed IVF I remind myself of how it felt - at 35 years of age- to have a doctor (well, quite a lot of them actually) look me in the face and tell me I was most likely going to die. I mean, my family doctor was actually in tears when I went to get the initial biopsy diagnosis. And failing IVF seems like it suddenly sucks so much less.

I think all of the above are pretty stressful (well, HIV/AIDS less so actually....I have a friend who's been recently diagnosed and he's basically been told that with current meds, he can expect a normal lifespan) and I think that the community responses are often much the same ..... people say thoughtless things without knowing, or they don't know what to say at lose friends because people can't understand what you're going through and you spend money you can't afford trying to change the outcome....and then the outcome doesn't necessarily change. But IF doesn't mean you'll probably never get life insurance. I like to think that in 10 years my life will be in a different place...I'll either have kids or I'll have moved on, but I'll still be getting doctor reviews for possible cancer recurrence.

So now....10 years later.... I am proof that what my oncologist calls a "fantastic outcome" can happen, and apparently can look forward to a life as long as other people (hence actually TTC). I would love it if my gynae got me a "fantastic outcome" too and I don't ever minimise the stress of TTC (I've needed to see a counselor) but even if he doesn't get me the baby I long for, it will never be the specific kind of horror that being told you're dying is.....


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  • {{Hugs}} - DeeinNYC on Jan 21, 2012, 9:58 AM
  • I believe it, without a doubt - Jamie on Jan 21, 2012, 8:52 PM
  • thanks for this perspective - Antonialisa on Jan 22, 2012, 1:26 PM
  • I definitely - K on Jan 23, 2012, 10:58 AM
  • DE mentioned - Anonymous on Jan 23, 2012, 7:36 PM
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