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Re: I think I am still confused--

March 25 2012 at 9:06 PM
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di_nyc  (Login di_nyc)

Response to Re: I think I am still confused--

Look, I just think you're being unrealistic here. If you find that a helpful coping mechanism, then that's your choice, but seriously, all the doctors I see in the US are usually very busy and not going to sit down and discuss ALL my health care options about ANYTHING with me unless I'm presenting with a problem to be solved or I specifically ask them questions. (Not sure how it is in the UK, but we're kind of in the middle of a health care crisis here!) More to the point, while I understand that you want someone to blame for not having been offered these options for trying to extend your fertility--or at least I know I've felt that way, personally--if I were an OBGYN and a 38 year old woman with a child came to me and said she was done having kids, I would take her at her word. (If she asked about fertility preservation options, that would be a different story.)

And frankly, I find it really problematic when women AREN'T taken at their word in these situations. I know friends of mine who DON'T want kids have to go through these paternalistic conversations with doctors over and over again where the doctors are like "but you can't be SURE you won't want kids!"--even though some women just don't, have always known they don't, and those doctors should treat them like reasonable adults who know their own minds! Again, if you had said you thought you were probably done, but weren't sure, then I would hope your doctor would have told you what your options would be to have a child later on... but if that wasn't the case, as by your own account here it sounds like it wasn't, I don't think it was her responsibility to try to read your mind or have a crystal ball and see that you might change your mind in the future.

Do I think we need better fertility education--in school, from our health care providers, and in the media--so we as women don't end up in the position that so many of us on these boards find ourselves in now? YES. But I think it's still important to be realistic about what you should and shouldn't reasonably expect... and as other posters have suggested, I hope that doing so will allow you to let go of some of your regrets and just do your best coping with where you are at now.

Please forgive me if I don't reply further to this thread or any response you may make, as I don't feel I have anything further to add that would be helpful here.

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  • Re: I think I am still confused-- - SillyPuppy on Mar 25, 2012, 9:14 PM
  • Dittooooooooooooo. - BabyDance on Mar 25, 2012, 9:16 PM
  • and please do NOT feel obliged to respond to my posts. - SillyPuppy on Mar 25, 2012, 9:16 PM
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