i can't believe i'm actually posting this now, so early. i worry about jinxing it, but if i'm doomed i'm doomed and i just can't wait. i had my second positive beta today! this after an unnecessarily long weekend because on friday at 10 dpo i decided to take an HPT, mainly because i want to know ASAP if i got lucky so i can schedule IVIG/increase steroid dose/check TSH/switch lovenox to twice daily immediately to try to prevent a ruinous immune response. well, i've been doing mostly natural cycles, so i totally forgot that i had taken a trigger shot this month. so, so, incredibly stupid. so when i called my RE's office and excitedly told the nurse i had gotten a BFP and she said "but..." i knew right away what she was going to say. the f'ing trigger! a false positive! i was crushed. how could i have let myself make such a stupid mistake leading to such a rollercoaster of emotion. i know better! so needless to say, it was a stressful weekend waiting for the second beta today. i took several more HPTs and even OPKs as HPTs over the weekend to further torture myself, and they kept coming up +. but i was sure it was a cruel joke i had idiotically and inadvertently masterminded against myself and today's news would be bad. so, ladies, don't forget about your trigger
10 dpo beta 36
13 dpo beta 229
after 3 losses in a row and a year and half since my last MC it is very hard not to expect the worst. i can only hope that my immune protocol does the trick and that somehow, at 43.6, i managed to find a golden egg. so very far to go, so i'm trying to take deep breaths and take it one day at a time. i would NEVER have made it to this point without all the incredible knowledge and support of this board, i owe you all so very much. really, i would never have known about the immune stuff and treatments, what tests to ask for, what to do, what protocols to try. my RE just told me this is the pattern - more miscarriages and then it gets harder and harder to get pregnant the end. i'm so glad i found you and didn't listen to her or give up.
anyway, i hope this post is more inspiration than upsetting to anyone. i know it is a long, hard road and i only wish BFPs for everyone. for everyone of you terrific, deserving women.
thank you,
xox
BroodyHen