Trying to make sense of it all - anon for thisJune 5 2012 at 2:39 PM
No score for this post
|Anonymous (no login)|
I used to post on these boards several years ago when my DH and I were going through our IF journey. Just a short history of us is we tried for 6 years with countless natural cycles, 3 IUIs and 6 IVFs. All BFN. None of the IVFs were covered by insurance because by the time I starting doing the IVFs I was over 40. We decided a few months ago we were done TTC. We both are emotionally (and financially) spent. We need to live our lives. We mainly decided because of our age. I am almost 44 and he will be 46. I am still in the process of grieving and I am sure I will be for some time. We contemplated DE and adoption but our heart is not in it (nor do we have the finances).
I wanted to post because of an encounter I had with a friend the other day. It made me question life and the whole universe really. You will understand when I explain the story. It is kind of a confusing so hopefully I explain it ok.
I have a friend named (Amy) who I went to high school with. Most recently I got to know her again because she lived down the street from me. I have since moved, 3 years ago, and we lost touch again. She is a really great person. She is my age and has 3 grown boys (all in the military) and her youngest is a girl around 14. Her brother in law, Jim, was dating a girl named Brenda about 10 years ago. Brenda decided to cheat on Jim and got pregnant by another guy. Brenda is a drug addict and has been in and out of rehab all of her life. The state was going to take her baby away and Jim stepped in and became a foster parent and then adopted the baby. I give credit to Jim since it is not his biological child and the result of his girlfriend cheating on him.
Brenda in the mean time has had 3 more children all with different men. Each one of them has been taken away by the state and put in foster care. Here is where my encounter begins. Sunday I was in the grocery store and I saw Amy. It was great to see her and low and behold in her cart was the cutest 1 and a ½ year old boy. She looked at me kind of awkwardly (she knows my IF history) and I asked her who the little boy was. She said it was Brendas 5th child. (by the way Brenda is 39 years old) The baby was actually a twin and one of them was lost midway through the pregnancy. The child she had with her was born at 2 pounds and was addicted to heroin and cocaine. It was born a premie and it was touch and go for some time but he is doing well now and is 18 months old. I asked where the father was and Amy said he is died in a gang shooting. Amy has decided to adopt the child. I was floored. She only planned on being a foster parent for 2 months but she fell in love with the baby during that time. Can you blame her?
Amy and I talked for about an hour on how unfair life is and how she thinks of me all the time. How DH and I are such a great couple and we cannot have a child. Why???? God has some explaining to do we said. How can a woman like Brenda have 6 children and not blink an eye to see them get taken away?
And get this. Brenda is now pregnant with her 6th child and is in rehab.
I cant stop thinking of this. I dont know how to make sense of it. I am sure you all can relate but since we stopped TTC it just stabs me in the heart. I think I just needed to vent so thanks for listening.
- Re: Trying to make sense of it all - anon for this - JennyB on Jun 5, 2:58 PM
- My issue with adoption - MIR on Jun 5, 3:07 PM
- Must admit... - DeeinNYC on Jun 5, 3:53 PM
- Dee, I respect your opinion. I am not talking about smarter - MIR on Jun 5, 5:35 PM
- I understand... - DeeinNYC on Jun 5, 6:03 PM
- Perspective on adoption - Sara Q (from the other board) on Jun 5, 8:05 PM
- great post, Sara. I hope to adopt one day too. - Jamie on Jun 5, 10:52 PM
- Thanks Jamie - Sara Q on Jun 6, 2:20 PM
- Agree with you on international adoption - ALM on Jun 7, 10:07 PM
- See here is the problem with this line of thinking... - SillyPuppy on Jun 9, 9:28 AM
- It is not just about breeding, - MIR on Jun 5, 3:00 PM
- my 2p - anne on Jun 11, 11:47 AM
- Im feeling so discgusted - DarriasD on Jun 25, 8:55 PM
- Hey - DeeinNYC on Jun 5, 3:04 PM
- Anon, I completely understand how you feel... - wanttwo on Jun 5, 5:53 PM
- I hear you - Antonialisa on Jun 6, 1:28 PM
- Wow - ALM on Jun 7, 10:04 PM
- Re: Wow - Kathleen on Jun 8, 8:58 AM