Perspective on adoptionJune 5 2012 at 8:05 PM
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|Sara Q (from the other board) (no login)|
Response to My issue with adoption
I just wanted to offer up a first-hand perspective on adoption since we are in the process of adoption, have done a ton of research on adoption, and just completed our home study.
1) There are many, many domestic babies to adopt in the U.S. that are not born to drug addicted nor incarcerated parents. In fact, many adoption agencies flat out won't take babies whose birth parents are in that situation. (I know that it is sometimes not disclosed, but if you are doing an open or semi-open adoption, as adoptive parents, you are able to get a feel for the adoptive parents yourself.)
2) When it comes to health problems internally adoptive children are definitely NOT in better shape overall than domestically adoptive children. First of all, most internationally adopted children cannot be adopted until at least 18 months are usually in an orphanage until then. Very bad things can happen in an orphanages, and especially in the case of China, they are very secretive about what goes on there. Moreover, medical professionals deem that a child that has been abused as an intact or toddler is usually in for a lot harder road than one whose parents did drugs but spent his/her infancy in a loving environment.
3) Just because one's parents did not live healthy or have been incarcerated does NOT determine what will happen to the child. (Except perhaps in cases of severe brain damage.) For example, one of my friends was adopted domestically as an infant - his birthmother was a drug addict and in jail and his birthfather was also in jail. Today he is a well-adjusted, extremely kind, Harvard PhD.
It is obvious that I am probably pretty sensitive to the myths floating out there about adoption considering we are about to do it. But even if we weren't and even if we end up pregnant and don't adopt until child #2 - I would still advocate for a more balanced understanding of the realities of adoption. True, it's a scary thing to do something with so many "unknown variables." But as my husband and I often laugh about - whether or not a child is genetically (or even biologically as in DE) related to you does NOT mean that a child will turn out "a certain way" - I would venture to guess that it doesn't even make it more likely. (We both have plenty of maladjusted family members on both sides of our family that seem to support that idea. )
I know it's a very difficult and personal decision to decide that raising a child well is more important than the genetic or biological connection. And I don't expect ANYONE to be in that place unless they are really ready for it. (Somedays, it's still a struggle for me.) But it is important to be well informed of what all the options are when it comes to having a child.
And for me and DH, raising a child, no matter how that child comes to us, is the most important thing we can do.
- great post, Sara. I hope to adopt one day too. - Jamie on Jun 5, 10:52 PM
- Thanks Jamie - Sara Q on Jun 6, 2:20 PM