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I adopted, but think you pass on something by carrying (child ment)

June 19 2012 at 8:11 PM
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kfx216  (no login)

Response to Here is what I worry about if I do DE (everything ment)


I have 1 bio and 1 adopted can say that I don't love either of my kids more than the other. My kids are now 7 and 2.

Although DE wasn't for me - I had started the adoption process when I got bfp with my older DD at 40.5 - having gone the gestational surro route for #2 before adoption, I will say that I do believe that whomever carries a child have some degree of genetic influence. It was definitely a concern for me with the surro I used given she had some pretty major genetic issues in her family. I don't think we truly know how genes can be switched on/off and/or influenced in utero (and beyond). So from that standpoint, I totally believe you WILL impact your child simply by carrying. Of course, the issues you raise with having 1 bio and 1 DE are legit. There are women on the pink board who are in a similar situation and whom I'm sure will speak to you about that.

I also understand completely the drive to carry a child and give birth. But for those open to it, adoption can be a wonderful option. My younger DD is a dream. It is an open adoption and her birth parents are fantastic. I read Spirit Babies and truly believe my DD (or her birth mom) heard my cry and came to me. I also have friends who have adopted from foreign countries and others from the foster care system - it's whatever feels right to you.

Best to you and all on this board.

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