BD--You are special to me, and to so many of us. You were here when I first signed on about two years ago, and hey, you outlasted me in TTC!
Your spirit is infectious, so is your ability to call out b.s. when you see it. You've been a huge support on this board as has already been pointed out. So thank you!
I'm a NY gal just like you, so I'm not one to make woo-woo recommendations, especially in the face of disappointment. I hate that "trust the universe," "all will be well," "if it's meant to be..." blah blah. It's not my style, and I've seen too many women let down waiting for some Oprah-esque spiritual stork to deliver them their kiddo, thinking that "if they set their intention and visualize getting pg...yadda yadda." But, just like you, I know that it's important to have a connection to spirit--not just handing it (whatever 'it' is) over to god or the universe or whomever, or deteriorating into some New Age flake, but rather, being open to possibilities. Being open to the idea that there's a possibility for grace in every trial. Wishing doesn't make things so, and, alas, as so many have found out the hard way, that "where there's a will, there's a way" doesn't always apply to TTC.
What I'll suggest to you, for now, is to just be well. Seek happiness in the moment. Enjoy other uses for the energy that used to be bound up in TTC. Grieve if and when you want to. Just be easy on yourself and do what you need to do feel good. Count your numerous, numerous blessings while you work through being on the other side of this TTC effort. And maybe, if you can handle it, say the only (and I do mean ONLY) family-building prayer I can wrap my head around: "God, surprise me," and then just go on about your day, be it a good day or bad.
You never know where your life--and family--may be in five years.
I send you all kinds of love and hope you get all kinds of miracles.