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Sugar, I can feel your pain and know what a difficult time you are going through. I hope that a path becomes clear to you. As the mother of an adopted DD, I can tell you that I couldn't love my DD any more than if I birthed her, and I can imagine that it would be even more so with DE since you would nourish and grow the child. I also can't imagine that the mother doesn't have some genetic impact on the child with DE. But, it is a hard decision. I hope that any decisions that you and your DH are successful and bring you peace.