I am worried about how old I am and whether I am too old to take care of a child. I am in my mid 40's. My question is not about whether my eggs are old (I know they are), but more about whether I am too old to care for a child whether I become pregnant by OE or DE. Does anyone else worry? Also, do you know women in real life of our age becoming pregnant - everyone I know became pregnant in their 30's. So I feel out of place.

40-something natural pregnancies do happen. I'm fortunate enough to be pregnant with a second child, and I'll be 44 next week. We're expecting a healthy girl in about 6 weeks.

I live in Northern VA, and around here it seems fairly common to have kids a bit later in life. I've got several mom friends who had their first right around 40 and still hoping for more. My parents had me and my sister in their late 30's, and I personally think later parenting comes with a certain amount of stability that is good for kids.

I do think having kids later means you have to be diligent about your health as much as you can (and frankly I'll probably be coloring my hair until the youngest is out of college!), but I don't really see an issue having kids at this age. My grandmother had two of her kids after 40, the youngest being my dad at 45, so that might color my perspective. I think if it weren't for birth control, we'd find alot more women having kids in their 40's.

This whole process has made me feel so old. I felt quite young and springy until I faced 5 years of medical people telling me over and over again how old I was. I've often joked that if you're at the cancer specialist at 40-45 (I've had cancer a few times) all you hear is sympathetic comments like "you're so young". At the gynae, just the opposite. Which can make it quite enjoyable at the cancer clinic in a perverse way . (just what the doctor ordered.....a roomful of other patients and specialists telling you how young you are )

I worry most about that....dying before my child is old enough to take care of themselves. But that's because I'm single...and there'd be so little backup. If I had a partner, not so much because even if something happened to me, there'd be someone to raise them.

But being too old to care for them in terms of physical energy, not so much. I am still a lot healthier (cancer history aside) than many people 10 years younger and honestly, in 20 years I will only be mid-60s (I am 46 now) which is more like people in their mid-50s a generation ago.

I am almost fully accepting that DE will be my own way forward, but in answer to your other question, yes, I know heaps of women who got pregnant (OE) in their 40s. In fact, if I use DE successfully, I will only be a few years behind almost all of my friends (I would likely deliver at 47 or 48). I have friends who fell pregnant at 40, 42, 46 and 47 (all natural conceptions, although the friend at 47 had used IVF for their first at 45). My sister delivered her second child at 43 (also natural conception) after her first at 40. I'm in Australia and I think in comparison to the U.S, assisted reproduction is less frequently used (although still common....with the exception of DE as donors must be open-identity and altruistic only). My reason for mentioning that is that at least some of those friends had been trying for some time (except for the 46 year old...that was a surprise firstborn) so I don't think it was easy, but it can happen. It hasn't happened for me though, despite everything but the kitchen sink (acupuncture, TCM, DHEA, naturopathy, CoQ10, ALA, L-Arginine and other countless supplements as well as 11 IVFs).

If you want to feel inspired, spend some time on the PG after DE or the TTC and parenting over 50 boards (links above). Almost everyone there is at least early 40s, and the over 50s board is full of amazing women. I feel reassured just reading their posts

If it helps, there's a line someone on the DE board used that has stuck with me. She was asking her Mom "how am I going to feel at 75 with a 25 year old child"? and her Mom replied "better than you'll feel at 75 without a child". Everyone I know who's already a parent tells me I will never regret becoming a Mom. I'm betting you won't either....as scary as it is at our age

Good luck

Al

is so prolific. thanks for sharing that!

As I recall, there were two main themes:
1) raising little kids is a very physical job, like a construction job since you are constantly lifting them and their gear--so be sure to stay in shape!
2) having kids in your 40s also keeps you young

I know that there is a lot of talk on here about how if we knew we would have such a hard time we would have had kids in our twenties. At least for me, that would NOT have been best. I had my daughter at almost 40, and I enjoy her and parenting SO much more than I know that I would have in the 20s. (my husband says the same, BTW) I'm just more patient, have more perspective, and am more confident in and comfortable with myself and my own decisions, as well as being more financially secure. I worked through a lot of my own crap in therapy in my early 30s, so I'm not burdening her with that (hopefully!).

I have friends in their 20s, 30, and 40s who have kids and the 40s parents are the ones who seem to be really savoring the experience the most. Maybe it's because it took longer to get there, because we don't take it for granted, or because of some of the reasons above. Maybe we're just really ready to put these little beings first.

The only thing I worry about is having less time with her and being an old lady in need of her help when she is in her 40s and needing to raise her own family. All I can do is keep myself in the best shape possible and plan financially so I can get help elsewhere and won't be a burden on her.

So I guess I think mid 40s can be a great time to have a baby for all of these reasons. Hoping that you find your dream soon!

I just had a baby via DE at 44. I also had a baby when I was 30. It is easier for me this time as I have already taken care of a child. And at 44 I no longer have the desire to run around with time to myself like I did in my 20s. That sounds really boring to me now. I swear I have more energy to care for this baby than my first baby.

Do not worry about your age. I personally know other woman who have had babies at my age and they are just fine as well. Ignore anyone who says they can't imagine having a baby at your age. They just can't imagine it for themselves because they are not trying to have one.

I had my baby at 44 and I'm doing great. The pregnancy itself was tiring but mostly uneventful (moderate weight gain, no real bedrest, no gestational diabetes, NO morning sickness!). I'm doing this solo, so believe me, if I can do it, you can too.

I wish you success very soon. You'll be fine and much less selfish and more patient than someone in their 20's or 30's.

No, I don't worry about my age all that much. I do think sometimes think about how old I will be when my child reaches High school, college, when they get married, will I ever meet my grand-babies, etc. Truthfully however, I'm more concerned about getting myself in shape physically and being healthy as I want to be here to witness all of those things and I want to be here for my child/children. I'm going to have make some real changes as I want to be as energetic and youthful as possible when my child/children arrive

As for knowing REAL women our age with babies...let's see, I have three friends my age..two older, that had babies naturally at 44 (two I know for sure were natural.) I have another friend that will deliver her IVF baby at 44 in a few short days. I have a 46 year old friend that adopted a now two year old baby two years ago. Can't forget about my best male friend who is 46 has a two year old. I have been to more baby showers and kiddie birthday parties as of late than I can shake a stick at. People are doing it in their forties. You can too Good luck.

My MIL takes care of my children and she will be 67 - she is in excellent health and she keeps up w/them. My mother is 59 and can't though -