Sandra Felton - SHINING SURFACES and LEARNED HELPLESSNESS

SHINING SURFACES and LEARNED HELPLESSNESS



SHINING SURFACES and LEARNED HELPLESSNESS

To get started, go to http://www.messies.com/get_started/>

Contents of New Ideas for Each Day
1. New Message of the Day
2. New Habit of the Day
3. New Family Reminder of the Day
4. New Quote of the Day
5. From the Trenches

-----------------------

1. New Message of the Day - Looking for Shining Surfaces

At first we just want to get the floor clear and be able to eat on the dining room table, maybe even to sleep in the bed. We just want to get rid of the clutter. But somewhere down to the line, as we improve we begin to yearn for shining surfaces. When we begin to see the floor, the top of the table, and any thing else that will take a shine, we begin to dream of gleaming surfaces. Shining table tops, floors, counters, even sinks act as inspiration for our souls. From those shining spots we draw strength to keep going till we have more and more of those shining surfaces in our homes. Maybe, after a while, the whole house will take on a glow.
-----------------------------

2. New Habit of the Day

Observe the Five Foot Magnetism Phenomena. When an object comes within five feet of where it belongs, it feels an irresistible magnetic pull to that spot. Example: Towel to towel rack, dirty clothes to dirty clothes hamper, clothes to hanger in closet, pen to drawer. To fail allow them to follow that magnetic pull sets up an invisible tension in the home which can be felt in some undefinable way among the inhabitants. Set up a new habit. Live in harmony with the Five Foot Magnetism Phenomena. It's quirky I know. But just think about it.
-------------------------------

3. New Family Reminder of the Day

In our family, we don't create work for others or leave messes for others to clean up.
In our family, we don't boss others. We focus on our own responsibilities.
-------------------------------

4. New Quote of the Day

When you choose the behavior, your choose the consequences.

The key to finding the kind of life you seek is your behavior. Behave your way to success. Choose to begin certain habits consistently whether you feel like it or not. Fake it till you make it. Your house doesn't care whether your heart is in it or you are just going through the motions. Order will be the result.

-------------------------------

5. From the Trenches - Learned Helplessness (Long but Good)

There is this phenomena where scientists take a doggie and zap it on the striped side of the room but not on the plain side of the room. The doggie then learns to go to the safe side of the room.

The if you take the same doggie (yeah I think it's a horrid experiment, and I feel sorry for the doggie), and zap it on the plain side of the room -- it learns to go to the striped side for safety.

Then if you take same doggie and zap it on both sides it just lies down and takes the shocks. Subsequently, if you switch it back to where there is a safe side of the room -- the poor doggie can't re- learn to move to safety.

This phenomena illustrates the phenomena called learned helplessness. And people who have been through traumatic situations and have PTSD can get it. When there is safety after we've been in a situation where we bought it no matter where we turned -- then when the trauma is over, we may flash back and not be able to move to safety when it is available.

I definitely can snap into that mode, and then I just think I'm going to get abused no matter what, or bad things are going to happen no matter what, and I freeze and lose sight of options available to me.

At ACOA they were discussing procrastination, and there are two reasons why I do it basically: fear and learned helplessness.

So, I took a look at a stack of bills on the table (it's a small stack at the moment, but it illustrates my point). It's my fear stack. All the things that scare the daylights out of me, and all the things that snap me back into the past where I'm in a no win --so I might as well just lie down and take it.

If you have this, I would say there's a good chance it's going to effect your housekeeping ability, and I try to get around it bgoing to meetings and by structuring my time -- so that I can just say -- at this time you will deal with this and then try not to think about it -- just get it done. It just helps me get past it.

I'm not a dog, and even if I think I'm back in the past -- I'm not. There are things that I can try to do to reclaim my sense that I can protect and take care of myself.

There is a residual effect of abuse and trauma and secondary wounding experiences, but there are some things that I can do to minimize them. Anything that I can program in -- so that I just automatically do certain things helps, and working with my cognitive process and realizing when I'm getting into this type of thinking can also help.

I just put away $71. worth of Aldi groceries -- which is a lot and a lot to carry and I took the garbage out and cleaned the freezer some, so I'm not likely to attack that stack right at this instant. However, by breaking things down into small parts and managing small bites and doing some at a time and by structuring myself -- I'm able to manage this better.

And I do say manage, because there are some things that are so traumatic that we will never get over them, and there are other that will take a tremendous amount of time.

Jeanie

Bravery is not a lack of fear. It's proceeding in spite of it.
-Anonymous