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OBAMA PANTSED

January 4 2011 at 8:48 PM
Anonymous 

OBAMA PANTSED
Jan 4, 2011

WASHINGTON, D.C. President Obama was pantsed today by freshman House Republicans taking part in a GOP scavenger hunt on the eve of their Congressional inauguration.

The President was ambushed on the South Lawn by four members of the GOP Class of 2011. (Image taken with iPhone)

Obama, just returned from vacation and only a day before the new Congress convenes, was one of several victims in the hunt, which marks the biennial end of initiation week for new GOP representatives. In other incidents, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was taunted until she gave the freshmen a pair of panties, while other members of the Class of 2011 forced outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to chug a bottle of John Boehners tears. But it was the pantsing of the President that garnered most of the attention.

Were taking Obama down, starting with his pants! tweeted incoming Rep. Adam Kinzinger of Illinois, who later said he was so exhilarated that he pantsed himself.

According to sources, the President was walking across the South Lawn in the early evening when Kinzinger, along with classmates Kevin Yoder of Kansas and Reid Ribble of Wisconsin, jumped out of the bushes and pulled Obamas trousers around his ankles. The trio ran away before Secret Service agents could catch them, as shouts of Grow up you stupid Congressmen! followed them down Pennsylvania Avenue. A fourth Representative, Ann Marie Buerkle of New York, snapped a photo with her iPhone and immediately posted it on Facebook as proof they had accomplished the task.

OMG we pantsed the Prez! Buerkle posted on Twitter. Class of 2011 rules!

The White House refused to comment on the incident, or on the condition of Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, who was found duct-taped to his podium wearing an elephant mask. House Democrats, however, said the acts bordered on hazing and threatened to have the Republicans fraternity charter pulled.

Incoming Speaker Boehner refused to acknowledge the existence of any initiation ceremonies while at the same time declaring the initiation pranks a long-held tradition.

Honestly, people should quit whining, said Boehner. When I was a freshman in 92, I had to go skinny dipping with Tip ONeill. And I did. Im not proud of it, but I did.

Boehner cites the experience as the inspiration for his Speakership ambitions, and for his now legendary crying jags.

According to sources, the 87 new Republican members of the House were sent on a scavenger hunt late Tuesday, collecting points for each goal achieved. The points varied depending on the difficulty of the task (see list below). Taking down the Presidents pants, for example, was worth 100 points, while treeing an atheist or Prius owner (literally chasing them up a tree) was worth five. Getting a $5,000 donation from an oil company (1 point), and turning in potential illegal aliens (3-5 points each), were deemed to be the easiest tasks, while the most difficult missions were photographing Barney Frank and Rachel Maddow kissing (200 points), actually reading a Sarah Palin book (500 points), and finding Barack Obamas Kenyan birth certificate (5,000 points). The winner, not known at press time, will become president of the freshman class.

At least one Republican pledge, however, was not entirely pleased with the point system. Hispanic incomer Francisco Quico Canseco of Texas said it was irresponsible to award points for the roundup of illegal aliens.

I love my Republican brothers and sisters, but I think it is wrong to target one group for harassment, and therefore I refused to take part, Canseco said. So I treed a bunch of atheist vegans instead. One of em was a gay union member. Thats 20 points.

Kaching! Canseco added.

Republican Senate freshmen took part in a more laid-back Satanic ritual.

Republicans in the more conservative Senate, meanwhile, held a traditional Satanic ritual for their new members. This years Master of Ceremonies was reportedly Ann Coulter.

Below is a list, obtained anonymously, of the tasks for the House Republican Class of 2011 Scavenger Hunt. [Point value in brackets]:

* Take down President Obama(s pants) [100]
* Panties from a Supreme Court justice. (Not Scalia!) [20]
* Memorize U.S. Constitution. [150]
* Find and turn in at least five illegal aliens (5 points each up to 100 aliens; 3 points each if they turn out to be legal)
* Photograph Barney Frank kissing Rachel Maddow. [200]
* Actually read Sarah Palins book. [500]
* Glenn Becks autograph [1]
* Find Nancy Pelosi, make her drink bottle of John Boehners tears [25]
* Get a $5,000 contribution from an oil or gas company. [1]
* Find five homeless veterans and tell them they dont exist (no video evidence please) [10]
* Take a confession from a homosexual. [2]
* List all the Muslims in your constituency and give that list to police. [10]
* Find Obamas Kenyan birth certificate. [5,000]
* Rent limo for welfare recipient, then photograph it. [25]
* Introduce bill banning San Francisco. [5]
* Reduce deficit by magic (ask Christine ODonnell for help) [200 points if it works; 2 points if not]
* Convince 20 people George W. Bush was actually a Democrat [5]
* Tree a person with one of these traits [5 points each; must provide video evidence of treeing]:

* Poor
* Atheist
* Liberal
* Vegan
* Minority
* Tree hugger
* Anti-gun
* Prius owner
* Fur-hater
* Elitist
* Union member
* Opposed to offshore drilling
* Wearing Che Guevara T-shirt

[NOTE: Tree one person with all 13 traits, jackpot! 1,000 points]

(SatireWire.com)

 

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