Hi everyone. This is my thoughts, beliefs, view points, opinion and feelings. This is not an autobiography but should I write one, I'll include this in it. This is a true story of how I came to believe in what I believe in today and why I believe in it so very strongly.
First note: WARNING, THIS DOCUMENT CONTAINS MATERIAL OF AN EXPLICIT NATURE AND MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS. READ WITH EXTREME CAUTION AND CARE.
Second note: The views, beliefs and thoughts of the author of this document may be offensive to some readers from a religious, moral, spiritual, emotional, mental and carnal point of view.
It all began in primary school. I was about 9 at the time and woefully and pitifully ignorant about matters of the heart, the spirit and of course anything to do with the carnal world although that part
didn't matter at the time. I will allude to it later. As you probably know, love, cannot be controlled nor should it be controlled at all, only our responses and our actions should be controlled not the
emotion itself. Also, we cannot chews who we want to love although we are under the illusion that we can. Love just is, it stands naked for all to see although the darkness surrounding this pure light
emotion distorts what we see, so much so that we no longer recognize love for what it really is. Okay back to the story. I fell for a girl in my school Nina. Why did I fall for her? One is loved because
one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. However, Nina and the teachers did not understand this and I, being too ignorant, didn't know that my advances were not welcome. She was much older than myself
and the only advances I made were to declare my love for her verbally and through the written word. I was put down because of this but little did I know that I was trying to express my light/love/goodness.
I also didn't know that this emotion and so many other emotions belong to the creator and he/she expresses them all. So yes, my first 'relationship attempt' was a disaster.
The second and most disastrous one took place at my secondary school. I remember the date so well 04/24/1996, yes April 24th 1996 at 19:30 or 07:30 pm. This was the beginning of the best and worse events
to happen to me. The walk to the in door pool, the changing and getting in were uneventful. I was in there with a friend Ian. We were on floats and I was drifting towards the deep end. A gentle hand pulled
the float with me on it back to the shallow end. Suddenly, I felt such a powerful torrent of love wash over me! This was nothing like what I felt with Nina although the love was pure both times. This however,
was divine! I didn't even know who she was and I didn't even hear her voice that day but I never felt so happy, so complete, so awed and so loving as I did then. I also felt an immense rush of strength
flow into me. I could run for a long time, I could lift heavy weights and I felt I could have challenged the strongest to an arm wrestling match but I wasn't interested in doing that. Little did I know
that I was actually feeling the universal love and little did I know that Mother/Father God was with me that day loving me and everyone in that very intense way. Had I known, I would have not been so stupid.
Unfortunately God didn't enter my thoughts that day and I'm sorry for that.
The rest of the time in the pool was uneventful but Ian and I discussed what happened in the pool and he to felt the rush of power but as for the love, I don't know because I didn't ask. We went up to the
dorms and into the dining area and we told my best friend Chris about the event. We celebrated the event with tee and biscuits. It was a not really friend who told me the name of the girl I felt all that
love and power from, I say from her as I didn't know that love and power belonged to God. Her name was Sarah Jane and what a woman she was to. Nearly 4 years older than myself and a Liverpoodlian Amazon
to boot! That night, my thoughts told me not to say anything to Sarah Jane about my love and about the power but I was told to worship her because she was the source of this divinity right? Wrong. She
certainly had all that within her but the source was and is God but I didn't know that. I should have known then that something was wrong with what my thoughts were telling me. I should have known that
I was being misled willingly by spirits who wanted me to make myself and others suffer. What a moron I was back then but let's not reminisce, let's go back to the story.
I cannot remember when I told my friends that Sarah Jane was an oracle and that she was to be worshipped but they sort of followed readily enough I thought but I don't know for sure as I never asked them
if they believed what I believed. So basically I elevated Sarah Jane into God ship in my eyes and although I used the term oracle instead of god, the meaning was the same. Oracle actually means soothsayer,
a speaker of truth, a kind of mystic. The week after next I met Sarah again and doing what the spirits told me, I didn't tell her what was going on and didn't openly show that I was worshipping her but
I did bask in the love and power. What happened next basically sealed my fate. If only I had known that sexual/orgasmic energy was also light energy, part of the divine energy I was feeling, I would not
have been so cruel, evil and a total fucking prick!
So first my spiritual awakening and then my carnal awakening. Again it was the best and worse thing ever to happen to me. I went through the usual stuff after my 12th birthday, fantasizing about women,
jacking off which were both all good but horror of horrors also tried shit out with guys to. Looking back, that part is repugnant the guy thing and I'm glad to be rid of that. Nosirree, this is no shit
for a straight guy to be dealing in. Well it messed with my mind big time, not to mention I got some karma to deal with, so it's no surprise that the spirits really began to feed off this. What a boon
to bring down an ignorant rebellious kid who conveniently loved to be a bad boy. So during my experimenting, the spirits told me that any form of sexual expression is bad and to stop anyone from trying
to have sex with Sarah Jane or to even mention doing it. Ridiculous right? Sure! I know now and how fucking glad I am of knowing to that divine beings do engage in sexual activities and in sacred places
to. That makes me very happy but I didn't know all this at the time. Anyway, being a prick has no advantages and you tend to miss out on experiences that would surely have been just as divine, just as
intense as April 24th 1996. I was back at the pool again but this was during lesson time not recreational time. I was foolishly trying to deny my carnal feelings and that day I was trying particularly
hard because I was in the place where Sarah and I met. I didn't want to fowl the place with my 'unnatural urges' and I was in my view at that time, doing quite well. If it hadn't been for a light being
with her light hidden Katie standing in front of me and brushing my penis in that slow, erotic and sensual way, granted she only did it once, I would have succeeded in denying my urges. Poor Katie. How
was she to know that she had awakened something evil within me. She did not do anything wrong, it was her timing that was messed up. As a result, the monster within me scented pray just as a wolf can sent
a defenceless lamb. I still denied my urges when it came to Sarah but I didn't deny them when it came to everyone else. So I prayed on Katie, a lamb in the way of the wolf, calling her names and pressing
myself on her and getting her to touch me without her consent. I prayed on others to, mainly much older women and girls of my age were just substitutes if there were no older women at hand. So just 1 touch
at the wrong time awakened the evil in me and yes I relished and enjoyed making people suffer. Chris knew of this and he liked it to or so I thought as I never asked him what he liked and what he didn't.
In the mean time, I was still worshipping Sarah and I could still feel the light, love and that all consuming power every time I thought of her even with the evil within me. Funny how the spirits didn't
tell me that light and dark don't mix, just like oil and water. Well I saw Sarah for the last time around June 23 June 25th 1997. I was in a barn dance at school with Chris and Sarah gave us food and drink.
Chris and I were in heaven that day as we believed that everything Sarah touched would give us more of that power rush so, we ate and drank anything Sarah gave us like there was no tomorrow. Granted it
wasn't much but to us, it seemed like we were given enough to feed an army! At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes and I felt a deep depression settle over me. That was the last day we were to ever
see Sarah again. Oh I always looked for her for 4 years but to no avail. Also, I couldn't abide anyone saying Sarah's name and it resulted in many fights with my arch enemy Terry. A few spats with Ian
and Adam ensued to but not of a physical nature with Adam. Yeah I know, I was a dickhead and I got what I deserved. As for my carnality, I had 1 experience that sort of went right and I didn't accrue any
karmic debt on that one.
So I was still being a massive prick at 14. Gone to Exmore on a geography field trip and sort of got laid with a girl called Louise. Only hands were involved and no clothes taken off and the reality of
tantrica and the orgasmic touch were experienced. Didn't give me enough time to cum although I made sure she did but that was the only thing in that area I did right. That and jacking off.
Let's move on to the next part. October 2000. I met another 'oracle' to worship when I moved house. Her name was Wendy. Same thing happened as before. The only difference was that we met in the house and
no friends were with me that day. I fell for her to and thankfully, she told me that divine beings can and do engage in sexual activities. So the problem of keeping my carnal urges a secret in front of
oracles was solved. Now all avenues were open and I told Chris as much and he was happy with this latest development. I tried asking her to fuck me but she refused but no matter, it would have caused problems.
I also believed that if I could get Sarah and Wendy to meet and we held hands, the power we'd gain would be overwhelming. I was also looking for a way to become invincible and Wendy told me about the book
of the dead. Protected by lasers and 22 carrot gold, nobody could go near it and I think it's in Egypt. Well, the evil within me only grew. It fed off the power I got from Wendy and I really started to
try to convert as many people as possible. If anyone didn't agree, I would persecute them on behalf of Wendy. Of course, the problem of telling Wendy that I was worshipping her was solved to as the spirits
didn't tell me not to tell her and she knew of my activities. No she didn't tell me to do anything bad, I just did them on Wendy's behalf. I met another oracle called Paula but nothing really happened
and I tried converting her to but fortunately, she didn't succumb. Again I thought let's get Sarah, Wendy and Paula together and join hands in a circle along with anyone else who wanted to share in this
and we'd all get the rush of power and maybe we could become invincible. I didn't get to do any sacrificing and there were no pointy objects and no blood but there would have been if I wasn't stopped on
the last day of the third week before graduating from school.
During that time, I had another sexual conquest. Her name was Emma and we didn't go all the way. Fortunately, only the tip of my penis went into her labia majora and it wasn't for very long either. Neither of us came
but her juices were flowing. She nearly made me cum on another day, hands only and what did I do, on another day, I ratted on both of us when the going got rough. Yeah I was a prick and I'm glad I'm not like that anymore.
Well, another idiot, the religious teacher managed to stop me from doing anymore damage to anyone as far as the oracle practice went and I felt like shit and I decided to give it up that Friday afternoon
at home.
The final 2 events happened at College. I fell in love with my support worker Chrissy but there was no rush of power and there didn't seem to be anything divine about this. She already had a boyfriend and
she was 31 and I 17. It lasted from December 13th 2001 to December 12th 2002. It was all 1 sided and I tried pushing to get my way but she didn't give in. Sure she knew of my feelings 2 weeks before December
13th but I was even more of a prick then as I was given almost unlimited freedom. Chrissy tried to seek help from another woman Maggie but it didn't really work. I felt something in Maggie, something I
could have gotten very addicted to. The power of a dominant energy. Maggie was not the dominant type but she didn't know about what was inside her but I knew. I wanted to get drunk on it but the Sarah
Wendy Paula experience warned me against doing that.
So I was becoming arrogant and full of myself. So much so that a counselor was there to see me. He was a good guy but didn't know how to help me.
I had lessons in computers at school but I didn't get enough. So the College gave me more and I became an intermediate computer user. When I got an updated screen reader, I started surfing in Ernest and
also during College I came across sites like
http://www.incesttaboo.com/incestgrrl/ and
http://www.literotica.com/ and I was in heaven. Little did I know that my forays into forbidden territory would result
in disaster. I mean the incestuous territory. I came across other sites to but they were temporary and I cannot find those sites anymore. Also I did some research into pheromones and the orgasmic touch
but the net didn't have all the answers.
Also around that time, I was introduced to Chrissy's friend who was a Wiccan. I was so excited but she didn't have time to answer all my questions. I wasn't ready to believe but I did have an open mind.
I then discovered
http://www.powerstressmanagement.com/ and learned a lot from Tatas the author of that site. Even though I was still a prick, Tatas opened the door for goodness to come in and eventually,
I started to change.
I gave up preying on women after I returned to Malaysia but that was late September early October 2003. From that day, I never did what I did to Katie again but I still wanted to. I didn't focus on it when
I discovered
http://www.icon.co.za/~magnolia/ Kowbin's site. He was the one who introduced me to the concept of reincarnation and the Summerland. I never gave up my horniness and hopefully
I never ever will but fortunately, I started doing things right this time. Well that was my turning point for
the better. I no longer wanted to be a bad ass, I wanted to change and be good.
After learning all I could from Kowbin, my apatite for knowledge was not satisfied and so I went looking around his message board and found Terence's messages with Kowbin's disclaimers as replies. I was
curious and being me, I went to look at the
http://www.the-testament-of-truth.com/ site. I went to the Islamic section of the site and being a Muslim, I thought why not start there. I was reluctant to
believe what he said at first and I reserved judgement. However, my reluctance was short lived when I came across the term Summerland on Terence's site. I just knew that that was the key I needed because
I totally believed in the Summerland thanks to Kowbin and the good spirits who were around me at that time. The bad ones didn't give me many problems at the time and I generally felt good. Well, I was
hooked on Brother Terence's teachings and my conversion was instantaneous even though I had a lot to learn. I admit I did try to get people to go to Brother Terence's sites and later he told me of
http://www.dar-es-salaam.org/
and I think some people did go. I didn't mean to preach but old habits die hard and sometimes, I was pushy without meaning to be. I didn't use force, just tried to persuade people to go. It's like bribing.
I'll give you 20 ringet if you go to the site. I didn't do that but I was tempted. I stopped preaching late 2005 around October and I felt a weight lift but I still visit the site from time to time.
I learned about karma, more about reincarnation, more about the superconscious mind and yes Brother Terence showed me the error of my past ways and I changed for good. Now, I am respectful and considerate
towards others and I learned about the universal love and the truth about Sarah, Wendy, Paula and many others. I realized that they are light beings. Light beings are beings that only have goodness within
their souls and those light beings that have sin and karmic debts, they have temporarily taken on the sin of this world so that they can understand what the rest of us have to go through. I also learned
that God is both light and dark, absolutely good in every way known and unknown and absolutely evil in every way known and unknown. Also I learned that God was an androgyne meaning male, female and neither
male nor female. Not everything about this time was good though. My past caught up to me and the bad spirits returned and started saying things I didn't want to hear. I was terrified and felt so alone
as I couldn't really confide in anyone as that would require me to actually say the words the spirits were saying. I did however, confide in a friend Oddie and Brother Terence and a few others without
saying those dreadful words. Even now I cannot say because I know it would get me into trouble but thankfully, I'm not scared anymore and I can counsel the spirits and I've managed to accept a lot of things
about the creator and that makes me very happy. I also learned and this was one of the best parts of my learning, that God is our Mother/Father. What a joyful truth to learn! It took time to accept everything
and I had a lot to resolve but I managed eventually. Also I learned about the universal love.
After visiting Brother Terence's site for the first time, I sent him an E mail thanking him for the insights and for dispelling a lot of myths. After that, I went to bed but was by no means tired. While
I was lying there, something in me just snapped. The flood gates were opened and I started sobbing with joy. I couldn't and wouldn't stop for any reason and I didn't want to. While my body was crying,
I was on a river bank. Everything was multi colored and so bright! Flowers were in bloom everywhere and the river was teaming with life and love. The water was multi colored and everything the water touched,
became multi colored to. Life was given to baron landscapes and love was infinite and I never wanted to leave that place. Never had I felt so at peace and time was fluid in that place. I don't know how
long I stayed there but when I came back, I was changed forever. Now I knew I couldn't go back to what I use to be. I knew that part of my life was over and it served as knowledge to remind me to never
to do anything like that again. Although my body had stopped crying, I could feel the river of love running through my mind and I told another friend I talked to on Kowbin's site. My concept of love was
also changed. Now I could love as much as I wanted and as many as possible. Now I didn't have to actually ask to go out with them, I could just love them and accept what ever they were willing to give.
Okay I'll try to explain this part. Loving with the universal love is like loving someone in every way possible. It's like loving someone as a friend, as a best friend, as a lover/partner, as a Brother/Sister,
and loving them with the same love as the one I felt with Sarah. The love I didn't know was coming from Mother/Father God. Sure Mother/Father God loves in the same ways but it would be foolish to actually
compare loves as love cannot truly be measured. It is so intense that words just cannot describe it. The difference with the universal love is, it's spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and anything
else I missed out and you don't have to go out with someone in order to love them in this way. The problem of 2 guys loving the same woman is non existent when loving with the universal love as even the
men are loved with the same intensity. There are no enemies as far as the universal love is concerned, only Brothers and Sisters who do not know the joys of loving in this way.
Mainly, I felt the universal love for the light beings although this love is for everyone. I'm still learning about it but I'm happy to love everyone. It makes me feel good and there's no pain involved
at all. I also found out that love never hurts, it's the lack of love that hurts or if love is attacked, that hurts to but not love itself. Sister Clemencia also said that love never diminishes, it just
gets pushed out if it's attacked by darkness. That means, if you try to use violence to attack those who are attacking you, especially if they're attacking your love, then the love gets pushed out and
hatred gets drawn in. If you do not attack but love and forgive your enemies, then hatred gets pushed out and love is drawn in and becomes stronger.
I've tried to explain the universal love concept to the light beings I met and I've tried to tell the light beings that they are light beings but I guess they weren't ready to accept this revelation yet
and well they ran away, metaphorically speaking of course.
Here are reasons why I think like this and believe in what I believe.
It's true that it is our choice to become evil but I actually made my choice long ago. I also knew that information I wanted access to was denied me. Folks said I was too young and that's partly the reason why I became a bad ass. I thought 'okay, so they won't let me gain knowledge and won't let me grow'. So, I did the next best thing at the time, I became a snake in the grass and got the knowledge via other sources.
So, what has my rebelliousness proved? It only proved that I was more foolish, stupid and evil than the law I hated so much and demonstrated against so strongly for so long. Who and or what gave me the right to play at being the dark avenger and hurting so many for a battle to fight against an evil cause I had no hope of winning? To fight fire with fire, to take up the 'sword' (metaphorically speaking), to try and wash away blood with blood not knowing or realizing that I was just drawing in more evil into my soul while using it and being used by it at the same time? The dark sovereign power, the Father of evil and sin gave me the freedom and backing to do it but he did not grant me the right to use his evil power that was rightfully his to use alone! So, although I had the freedom and backing of the dark one, I had no right nor authority nor permission to do what I did. The light sovereign power, Mother of love and forgiveness, has watched me turn from good, to down right evil, to being good again and not having an easy time of it either. She has and will continue to cry many tears for disobeying her gentle commands to all of his/her creation to only be loving and peaceful and to never ever, for any reason, disturb the peace of others.
Remember what I said about God being absolutely good and evil in every which way known and unknown? Well, the dark sovereign power and light sovereign power are titles used to describe Mother/Father God's 2 sides. This is not 2 beings with 2 distinct, opposite character traits, forever fighting one another for souls like religious books like to portray, no, this is 1 being with infinite power, infinite authority, infinite memory, infinite energy, infinite everything. This is the being who is absolutely divine, supreme and the creator of all. This is the being we all pray to and call God, Allah, Brahman, Mother of love, forgiveness, queen of heaven and earth, and any number of other names meaning the same thing, the creator of all, the one true God that Nabi Abrahim, Nabi Musa, Nabi Isa, Nabi Muhammad and many others spoke of. This same being is also known as Shetani, Satan, the devil, the deceiver, the dark serpent and destroyer and punisher of all creation, the Father of sin and evil, and the king of hell and earth!
True I've repented but my repentance came because all the puzzle pieces dropped and I finally had access to knowledge that I not only wanted, but needed.
About the sites, something just rings true on the testament of truth and dar es salaam sites. Now I just visit them from time to time as the foundation of my belief has been built. Now for the floor.
Finally, light beings and the universal love. I can only tell you what I see and feel when I'm around people. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder is it not? However the real beauty that is not in the eye of the beholder is often unseen. Also, I only tell you what I feel to be certain knowledge for me. I cannot tell you how and why I feel this way, I just do. Maybe you'll be able to experience this for yourself and maybe then you'll truly be able to see where I'm coming from. You see, what is valuable knowledge to one is often non-sense to another. This is my outlook on things. I like analyzing and complexity in my thoughts. I like something to work with. I believe in all things spiritual and supernatural.
Okay. What if some day, you find yourself in a world where spirits reside. You may find yourself in a world of infinite possibilities, infinite time and you have infinite power. You could fly, shape the landscape with your mind, even change the way you look, the sound of your voice, even your shape, size, height, anything at all. You could even change into animal form or even fish form. You could breathe under water or not breathe at all. You could even read other people's minds and implant your thoughts into others's minds. You could even turn the sky from blue to green. What would you do? In this world, contradictions are possible and fact and fiction are blurred.
Tell you the truth, I miss the spirit world and especially heaven and I so want to go back home. That's why I wrote to you readers. I just want to go back. Back to the life I once embraced. Back to our Mother/Father who I miss. I can feel home when I'm near a light being and home is where I wish to be, but I have a job to do here, a mission I have to complete. My destiny lies here and that's why I cannot go home yet. I just want to get the job done, I have no freedom here and I know I imposed that sentence upon myself. However, once I can go home, I'm free. That's why I'm so into all this.
Now, if I were able to do the things I want to do and not worry about what anyone else thinks and finding someone to help me get started, then I could experience and grow and not just go round, up a little and round again. I know what I want and that is to join a coven of wiccans and other psychics to further help me grow. I also want to astral travel and rome all worlds and realms in the biological and astral universes. Those who are close to me I know don't want this and I have no way to get past that obstacle. So round, then up then round I go.
These are my thoughts and beliefs. Well, this has been a long one and I apologize if anything I said has been offensive to you but please let me know what you think and if possible, please let me know how to revert back to how I use to be but without offending anyone
or making anyone uncomfortable or embarrassing anyone, myself included. Any tips and or info would be hot! Thanks for reading. My universal love to you all, God speed and Mother/Father God loves you to!!!