This morning I had the most enjoyable day I've had in a long time. I went to a local day spa and had a 1 hr. massage with lavender oil. That was AAAAAAAH mazing. I also had a 90 min. Facial that was just Fantastic. BOY! talk about stress relief ! If you guys ever have a chance to do this , I highly recomend it! If your feeling down or stressed It will make you forget about it. At least for a while!! ;-)

Sounds great!

I had a massage before work on tuesday morning. Well needed. I wish we could all hang out in our own private SPA together.

Why did I think of Bukkake when you said you'd had a facial? I've definitely seen one x-rated website too many... Apologies. :-)

Yes Fennel! That would be a real nice time and alot of fun too. ;-)

A 90 minute Bukkake , you'd better wear goggles and have a snorkel. I have to admit though when my wife says she's getting a facial I ask here where.

Hmmmmmm, A 90 minute Bukkake,Hmmmmmm What a thought! Oh come on guys, just kidding. :-D

I must warn you though, that I'm the type that would get naughty in a spa situation. But I think I'd give those 90 minutes of "BKK" a miss.

Naughty naughty! ;)

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

How naughty? He asks, As he's wiping tiny pearls of persperation off his forhead and realizing that he suddenly has a hormone imbalance.. :-D

If you want to see naughty, and I mean really, really, really naughty as in extreme-mega-Bukkake, search around on the p2p networks for "German Goo Girls" and "GGG".. These girls are extremely naughty. :) Of course had I been *born* a woman I would probably get into it myself. I wouldn't mind having a few dozen Thai Ladyboys lock me on a room, surround me and hose me down.. ;-P
Even though I prefer women I am also attracted to TS girls too, but NOT men.. I'm sort of Tri-sexual.
Yeah, I'm weird and kinky.. Talk about messed up hormones eh?



Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Ya ! Naughty girls sure can stir up those hormones, My estrogen & testosterone aren't speaking to each other right now. he he :-0

I don't know what my hormones are doing right now. I'm sort of in limbo at the moment.
It's a real b*tch because of my having distinctly different multiple personalities. Looking in the mirror horrifies me.
The body doesn't belong to the head and neither belong to the multiple minds that occupy the shell.
I don't physically consider myself male or female but rather a Frankenstein freak. Casual observers would call me male, and I suppose technically and legally I am. It's just that I don't feel that way. It's extremely frustrating.
Life is complicated when you are just one person. It's hell when you're several people.

Arrrrrgh!



Dip me in estrogen and thrown me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Do we all suffer from MPTD? Multiple Personal Tit Disorder?


I'm two people too. There's this intellectual, analythical quiet bookworm who likes Quantum Mechanics and then there's this exhibitionist nympho kink slut in there too. Slightly confusing. I like both though. Not even the latter one would enjoy 90 minutes of Bukkake though. There are things I'd rather do with a gang of guys than that. It's such a waste of protein. :-)

I'm usually a mild mannerd & private person that likes to read his paper/magazines while enjoying a good cup of coffee or tea.Then there's this other person that is quite kinky and would try "ALMOST" anything at least once and always open to try something new.(Bukkake is not one of them!)This person also has a female side to him that can't really be seen, but can and has been noticed by some others. When he looks at nice looking women he's not always so sure if he's admiring their beauty or wishes he was like them. It could be both! Confusing? Yes! Sometimes a struggle? Always! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.:-)

Oh I definitely have many distinctly different personalities.
I have at least three female personalities that I am 100% certain of and no less than 4 male personalities and probably more.
And there's a few personalities I have that are pretty much gender neutral but tend to the fem side. Sort of a go between for the others. There is no "single personality" for me. One of them is "The Conductor", it's basically a conduit between my external body and what's in my mind. It's like play dough and can be molded to fit each situation as the situation calls for.
I'm not exactly sure how many of me there are, I can reach into my mind and know they are there but when I try to examine them I get confused and lost. It's like looking in one of those three way mirrors that let you see your back, and you turn around to get another view of your back in another mirror but you still are seeing your back, no matter how you turn. That and it's dark in there, hard to see, like at night time with no moon. Inside my head is a vast, confusing universe.
There's people in there and they're all me but when I try to contact them they elude me. It's impossible to bring them all together to be one person. They don't want to be one and they weren't meant to be one person. Some of them horrify me, some of them torture my mind. Whichever personality is present at the moment is me. By that I mean, I refer to myself as me no matter which one of me is in control. It's very confusing.

I'm trying to figure them all out and learn to live with them because depending on who I am around at the moment decides who I am at the moment. It's a very difficult task to keep everything sorted out properly so that I don't screw up.
Keeping my female personalities in check is not easy as they are stronger than the male personalities.
In an attempt to hide myself I wrapped a cloak of alpha-maleness around myself and tried to show the world that I was "A man's man" so to speak. I hate being like that because it's NOT how I really am, it's just a show, a cover, a cloak.
After having hidden behind that for so many years it's hard to turn it off when it's not needed. I hate the alpha-male cloak most of all, it's the biggest lie in my life but it's what the world expects. I hate the world too.

God I'm screwed up. At least I know and acknowledge it. 25 years ago I was screwed up and had no idea why.
Now I'm trying to sort out the many me's that I am, to understand precisely each one and to learn to live with each one, to end the conflict inside, to stop the fighting between the many me's and hopefully balance them out and learn to live peacefully with myselves. Am I insane? Probably.



Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Moonstruck...
A friend of mine has a multiple personality disorder. (She is T.S) For her it's been an ongoing thing since her early teens but it got progressively worse. Her other selves are trying to get her to kill herself. She has to have the radio on really loud all the time to try and drown out their voices in her head. Scary ****! She is on every possible med. I hope you don't have this problem.

Back to the spa thing...
In the right spa environment, with the right people, I'd try pretty much anything too. At least once. Except painful stuff. ;-)

Yeah, I have the voices too. But I know they are just the other me's and not some space alien beaming bad thoughts into my head or "satan" telling to do bad things. It's just the other me's trying to dominate, to take control of the body I live in.
This all probably sounds extremely weird to most people, that's because it is extremely weird. And so am I, me and all the other me's.. The suicidal thoughts haunt me, they always have, but as I've said before, I'm waaay too much of a coward and a chicken heart to do it. I pretty much ignore those thoughts now, I know that's part of my malfunction and I need to reject that and move on.

I do understand and now accept that I am several people in one shell. I'm not happy about it, I wish I was just one person in one shell and normal. It wouldn't matter if that person were male or female, just as long as I were one whole person that wasn't always in conflict with herself or himself, which ever the case.

As it stands, my female personalities are dominating and controlling me, obviously. If they weren't I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be feminizing my body, I wouldn't be living in a darkened house behind closed blinds and drawn curtains, leaving only at night in the dark. My body will never be what it should be, for several reasons. My mind(s) will always be in conflict and always fighting one another for control. And I will forever and always be very unhappy, sad and lonely because I'm so f**ked up that I can't allow anyone into my life. I did once and it hurt me so badly that I'll never again take that chance.

For me, my only option is to be alone. I wish I could live deep in the woods miles away from people so I didn't have to worry about everyone looking at me, so I could just be me and have my(our) privacy.

I wish there was a cure for this but I know there can't be. It's not possible. Maybe a lobotomy but I don't want that! I just want to be normal. I'm a prisoner in this body and even worse, I'm locked up with all these other people in here and they all want out.
I wish I could let them go and just be one person. Even then though the body is wrong. How frustrating life is. How unfair and cruel it is to live this tortured life of lies.

But don't worry, I'll (we'll) be ok. We're trying to learn to cooperate and get along with one another. It's not easy but it's what we must do to survive. There are some parts of life that make it worth the struggle.

Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

to fennel fairy , boy the things that come to mind! i would have way too much fun. mild mannered housewife by day, swinger by night. but me and my hubby have our 'group' fun on occasion. ;). to moonstruck, i have read at least four books that i could get my hands on about multiple personalities and short of YEARS of therapy, you're right there is no magic cure. i have enough problems being one person, i cant imagine being more, i am stressed enough as it is. good luck guys!

I feel for you Moonstruck. It must be very hard to cope with what you are going through.

Amd Diana - It looks like we've got some interests in common ;-)