I'm off for some time away, I have to go to a family function. Argh...
I'm going to hate it. You can't imagine how stressed out this is going to be.
I have to spend a lot of hours in the car with my folks and my mom is a crabby b*tch who tells me to shut up about anything I say.
I don't know how I'm going to stand it... At least I've been off the herbs for a week and a half and I've sort of stabilized a little emotionally. But when I get back it will have been two weeks and I'm going back on them.

Despite being off the herbs I'm continuing to see development. Someone today who hasn't seen me in a while asked me what was wrong with my neck, he thought my neck & chest looks thicker. I too think it is exceptionally thick, I have no idea why.
But he said it looked like my neck was thick like I was bulking up the way body builders do. Ha! Yeah, I'm body building but not the way he thinks... Of course with two shirts on (one oversized) I'm getting away with hiding what's really going on. So far.
But I think it won't be long and it will be really hard to hide em. Today I bought some *small* white T-shirts to wear under my regular clothes. They are *tight* and I think they will go a long way towards keeping my boobies from being noticed. With just the undershirt on, it's tight and let me tell you, it's obvious I have tits. But the shirt kind of squishes them so they are pointy like some 1940's housewife, if flattens and rounds them down and with another shirt on over that, I look fairly normal.
I got the idea from that BBC show about "moobs".. I still need to find some sort of sport bra that's more similar to a shirt so I can continue not to draw attention.

Maybe I'm over reacting about it all, I was in the store today buying clothes and I was shocked to notice how many men have really large, noticeable breasts. Most people probably don't take notice but I did (No, I don't check men out, I'm a lesbian, I like women!). It was really by accident but as I was looking for some shirts some guy was a few feet away looking at some clothes and out of the corner of my eye I realized he had obviously feminine breasts, it was pretty easy to notice too. I thought, damn, his are way bigger than mine and he seems to be acting like any normal man would. Maybe he doesn't care enough to be embarrassed by it. Anyway, I was in the store about an hour picking up various items and I noticed several other men with "moobs", quite a few as a matter of fact. I guess it's a pretty common problem. No surprise though, with all the soy products and stomach medicines and prostate meds, etc...

Eh, anyway.. I just thought it was odd to see so many men with "moobs" as the rest of the world seems to like to call them..

Well, I'm off for a week of family hell. I hope I survive 4 days in the car with Mrs Crabby. I think I better plan on sleeping the whole way there and back.. If all goes well I should be back early next week..
Arrrrrgh!



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Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Try and have a good time Moonstruck! :-)
Have a good trip and stay out of trouble!HaHa

Blu-jay

Try to survive Moonstruck. There is this fantastic invention called the mp3 player which could easily drown out the old crow's voice with some J.S Bach or Mozart...

Take care!

Thanks all!

Yeah, I wish I could afford an MP3 player. But if I'm going to get one it's going to be an iPod. I'm an Apple fan of sorts.
But they are waaay to expensive.. Maybe I can save up and get one of the little iPods. A nice little pink one.. :)

Anyway... I did some last minute shopping before I shut it all down and found a great site/store that has herbs at a huge discount.
Puritans Pride. I think everyone can agree they are a respectable company.

Well, I found everyone else was wanting $15 to $22 for 4oz of progesterone cream, plus shipping.
I found the Puritan site had it at 70% off, they had an 8oz jar for $18 !! Twice as much for the same price as everyone else.
I did some fast digging around on some women's health forums and found that Puritans is what all the women recommend.
So I ordered some and it should be arriving here about the same time I get back from my trip.
I need to get my left boob up to speed so I have an even, matched set. Then once they are both even, I'll use it on both.
What the heck, why not? I just wish I could find a stronger anti-androgen than SP. Maybe I can get something from Mexico...

Check out their prices, really decent sales they have. http://www.puritansale.com

Well, off I go, time to finish packing..

See ya'll in a few days and keep playing with your boobies!


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Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

By the time you get back and read this message,I'll be gone for a week on a little vacation too.I'm leaving monday morning. The only difference between your holiday and mine is,I won't be visiting relatives and I won't be getting stressed out.

Every year 7 of us guys rent a place by 1 of our 250,000 lakes around here.
We get together and totaly misbehave for a week.(that's as far as i'm going with that statement) I'm looking forward to just sitting outside at night,having a little fire going and watching the bright stars,listening to the sounds of nature while having a couple of drinks with friends.:-)
It'll be an escape from the everyday stress and everything associated with it. I just wish I could do it more often.
Well I'll talk to you when I get back.:-)

Blu-Jay

Enjoy yourself Blu-Jay!

I will! Thanks Fennel!

Oh me oh my.... I'm back....

Pretty rough going.. I cheated and took some herbs just before I left.
I have no doubt that they mess with your moods now. I cheated last week and took some about 3/4 through my 2 week break and I got cranky as hell a few days after, then I got cranky as hell this weekend as they left my system.
So yeah, herbs DO affect your mood... I'm 100% certain of it.

So, it got testy several times, Mrs crabby got b*tchy with me and I also got b*tchy too.. We had words a few times but all in all, we survived. I finally just shut up and rode. I don't want to do it again. Period.

Ahhhh, well... Now I'm home, my break is over and I'm going back to my full herbal regime as I was doing before.
So this weekend I got to look at lots of pretty women. Ahhhhh, so nice to dream about looking like them.
But so unrealistic. There were lots of pretty young ladies that were sooooooo gorgeous and I was soooooo jealous, I was glowing green with jealousy of their youth and beauty. How I long to be so pretty like them.
And them back to earth. So I finally decided to quit torturing myself wishing I was some pretty young girl, all skinny and curvy and soft. I have to accept the fact that at best I might eventually ACCIDENTLY pass as a really ugly old dyke on a dark night.
So I began to look at the older women, middle aged like me and thought to myself, "Could I ever look similar *her*", considering that there are plenty of middle aged women that are sort of dumpy and overweight and not drop dead sexy like they might have been when they were 18 years old.

So maybe some years down the road I MIGHT be able to pass as an older, dumpy, overweight, not so pretty woman.
Even to achieve that would be a victory for me because it is my goal to transition towards female as best and gently as I can.

Another weird thing I observed this weekend, I noticed that there are quite a few men that appear to have no hair on their arms and legs and they seem to have no hangups about walking around in shorts in public. I assume that's just they way they are. Lucky dogs. I only wish so many people had never seen me before with hairy arms and legs and the rest.
I'm starting to work up the courage to walk around in shorts with my now hairless body (except in front of my family). I mean, what can anyone do about it anyway? Tough luck if they are upset about it. I know my dad freaks out about it. He seems to be obsessed with weather or not men have hairy arms and legs. What the hell? Why does he care? Once he told my son "Boy, you need to grow some hair on those legs and arms!" as if it were a life and death situation. My son made some smart remark back to him. And my dad has made similar remarks about other people as well. That really bothers me that he gets so upset about it.

Oh well. Things change. And so do people. And change I will. I will never really be able to go full female because of family but maybe IF I go very slowly over a long time they may accept an androgynous state. Oh how I wish I had been born in the right body.. :-( Sigh..........................

Well, I'm off for now, I just took my blessed herbs, BREAK OVER!! And I need to spend a few hours with the epilator and get rid of this nasty hair that creeped back on me during my little vacation.. Yuk hair! Bye bye yucky hair!!
Oh my dear sweet herbs, take this horrid maleness away from me! Let me awaken in the morning as woman. Yes, we must have our dreams..

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Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

I am so glad to have you back and posting!

Perhaps you've got more realistic goals now, but that also means that they are within reach and easier to acchieve. My ex husband had an almost hairless body. I think he found it somewhat unmanly and embarassing at times and no, he wouldn't weat shorts. Ever.

Thank you Fennel! You are so sweet..

Argggh ouch! I just reminded myself why I hate shaving my legs!
I had some little fine hairs the epilator wouldn't get on the front of my legs above my knees and on my knees so I thought,
"Why not? I haven't done it in years. So I shaved the fine stuff. And now my legs burn. I know I'll be miserable all day and for the next few days. I wish I hadn't done that. I guess some of us never learn from our past. But I just *had to do it*....
One thing I can say though, it is sort of psychologically comforting to go through the act. It's one of those feminine things that are soooo taboo for males. It's a very personal, intimate and erotic thing to do. Maybe I'll reserve the shaving for special occasions done only very rarely.

Still though, I prefer the epilator over a razor any day. I'll just be glad when the damn hair thins away on it's own and I don't have to do it so often. I love it so much to have that nasty stuff off of me, it just looks right, feels right, is right. It's one of many, many small steps towards correcting what's wrong with this horrid male body I'm stuck in. There's much work to do though, much work...

Well, it's good to be back and it's good to be back on my herbs again! Can't wait for my titty cream (ProGes) to arrive.

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Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Oh my god. WTF? I'm back on a three times a day herbal regime after taking a two week break and it's making me incredibly horny! I don't mean physically horny, I mean emotionally. It's the weirdest thing I've ever experienced, it's like I'm suddenly consumed with desires stronger than I've ever known before. It's like a sexual rush, I dunno, it's hard to describe but it's completely consuming me. It's more an emotion than anything, no real physical arousal to speak of, just a lust, an "itch that can't be scratched" you could say. I didn't expect this but I guess it's the wave cresting now as the past two weeks were a trough during which I had zero "desire", it was if I was neutered and just not functional in that area anymore. But now, wow!
It's insane! The heavy supply of estrogen is certainly causing me some serious (but very positive) emotional changes.
I imagine in a few days the positive physical arousals will return as they were before when I was on my first go on herbs.
IF I had a sex life I think that right about now it would probably be the very best it's ever been thanks to the emotional things going on in my head.

I'm here to tell you that taking female hormones DOES cause you to undergo emotional changes and if anyone tells you that they don't I'll tell you that either they don't know what they are talking about or they are simply lying.


I'm now taking the following three times a days, about every 8 hours.

Soy Lecithin - 9 caplets, 1200mg each = 10,800mg per day

Saw Palmetto - 9 caplets, 450mg each = 4,050mg per day

Red Clover - 9 caplets, 425mg each = 3,825mg per day

Black Cohosh - 3 caplets, 550mg each = 1650mg per day

Total = 18,675mg of phytoestrogens I consume each and every day.

PREVIOUS was = 13,140mg of phytoestrogens that I was consuming each day.

Plus, the following - Prilosec - 1 per day, 20mg - documented to cause gynecomastia

In a day or two my progesterone cream will be in and I'll be throwing that into the mix too.
I have a bottle of pure soy oil too, I wonder if rubbing my body down with soy oil daily will have any effect?
I was thinking about rubbing soy oil into strategic areas like hips, thighs, breasts, etc. would be beneficial?
Or would it be better to rub it into areas like armpits and back of the knees where the skin is more tender would absorb it better into my system? Or would it be a waste of time?

Oh, and I'm still searching for other anti-androgens besides and in addition to SP to help curb those nasty male hormones and put those bad, bad, bad male hormones to sleep forever. Or at least render them non-functional so that the female hormones can take over and do their work repairing this out of kilter body I'm stuck in.







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Dip me in estrogen and throw me to the lesbians!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Your routine looks good! Quite a lot of anti-androgens there already so I don't think you should add any more of them. Your body could get TOO much and stop responding to them. Instead of that, add something else that is estrogenic perhaps. Like fennel tea.

Never mind that last post, I misread your routine. I thought you had put down Nettle on that list when it was Red Clover. Sorry!

Nettle is an androgen. Red Clover is estrogenic.

Fennel, I'm confused now. Help me out here. ;-)
(I get confused easy ya know..)

I'm as clear as a mud puddle at midnight as to what you mean now.

:)

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Pump me full of estrogen and throw me to the ladyboys!

Ta Ta's! ( . )( . )

Forget what I posted. My initial comment on your routine was wrong because I misread your post. Your program looks fine! :-)