As I keep repeating, only those are Christians, by definition, who follow Jesus and his lifestyle. That's not, apparently, what you've been doing.
..... I also keep repeating, that those who follow(ed) one of the many so-called "Christianities" that were invented after Jesus had been crucified are not/were not Christians, even if they and clergy think they are. Maybe, if they have been following Paul, they should be called "Paulianities" or similar.
..... There are many belief systems all over this planet; choose one of them, or none of them, or invent your own, AND BE HAPPY! Good luck!