Planet WCW presents.....
Animal Talk!!!
RAW remarks for 04-12-04
Stardogg: Sit back and enjoy yourself as the Triad of Power,
Kenny Coyote, the King of Bling Bling, Kevin Gillster
and Stardogg Champion review the disaster currently
called Raw while getting as intoxicated as possible.
We prove on a biweekly basis that the WWE sucks.
Warning: these columns contain adult language and ideas.
Please be forewarned.
Stardogg: Welcome one and all to another night of
McShit, brought to you by Vince, Tits and the rest of
the WWE crew. Your Monday night crew is all here. Filling
in for the MIA Pig, our good friend, Positively Kenny
the Coyote. Evening Coyote.
Coyote: Good Gawd! It’s another great day to be a
Coyote! Nice to see you, Dogg, Fish.
Gill: Wait, you will agree with me on the whole Heyman
thing, right? I mean I need to have someone on my side
about this debate.
Stardogg: Bringer of the booze and the most wrestling
savvy fish in the seven seas, Kevin Gillster. Evening,
Fish.
Gill: Yeah yeah yeah, hey what's going on?
Stardogg: You’re also in charge of items to fuck Vince
with. Next week the job is yours, Coyote.
Coyote: Good, that’ll give me time to think.
Gill: Don't steal any of my ideas, well actually you can steal
mine, just pay me first for the royalities.
Stardogg: And yrs truly, I am the foulest mouthed
canine on the Internet today and I have a masturbation
joke for any occasion, the Dogg. Show tonight is from
Shy town, Chicago Illinois. The always vile “Slackjaw
and Sodomite” the announce team, that being, Jim “
Alzheimer’s” Ross and Jerry “Puppies” Lawler. Fuck
Fish, I’ve been at this a whole two minutes now, where
the hell is my beer?
Gill: Here you go, and here's yours, Kenny.
Stardogg: <Belch!> Thankee sir! We start with the
recaps from last week, that being the second win by
new RAW guy Sheldon “I hope Vince doesn’t find out I’m
black” Benjamin (SB) over Stephanie McMahon’s personal
bitch boy, the Game HHH. And the great Post-Match
Beat-Down (PMBD) after it by all of Evolution.
Gill: Bored now, let's start the show off with some Wrestling.
Stardogg: Hey Kenny, did you see the way the Fish’s
eyes started to sparkle when I brought up Steph?
Coyote: I know. You miss seeing her on TV don’t you
Fish? By the way, is the rumor true that you’re
starting “The Stephanie McMahon Admiration E-Group?”
Gill: Me?? No?? I mean....NO!!!!!!! Why would you ask such
a ridiculous thing?
Stardogg: hehe sure you don’t, Fish.
Gill: I...I....don't, hey let's stick with the recap, okay, Dogg.
Stardogg: We start in the back and we have RAW GM Eric
“pay me now” Bischoff (EB) and his newest stooge,
Johnny “Nitro” and they listen to an irate SB. “Look at my
face” SB screams at his GM. No offense dude, but I really
don’t want to, you’re an ugly fucker ok?
Coyote: I’m hungry. I didn’t have any time to kill
anything on my way over here.
Stardogg: Right you are Ken, we need food. Got us some
fresh tamales to eat. White paper is beef, yellow is
chicken, green is pork. Plenty of Lindsey’s special
salsa to go with then.
Gill: Pork?? Pork?? Those are Pig's people you know!
Stardogg: Yeah well, Pig ain’t here.
Gill: Yeah well, our loss is our gain, MOVE AWAY COYOTE!
<SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH>
Coyote: No venison tamales? What about me? What
about The Coyote?”
Stardogg: <Sigh> Yes Kenny, I did ask if they did
venison tamales, but the lady said no.
Coyote: That bitch.
Stardogg: Now as SB rants on and on, in comes the
current heavyweight champion, Chris “Toothless
Aggression” Benoit (CB) and the biggest fucking prick
on RAW these days, the backbreak kid, Shawn “a boys
toy” Michael’s (HB-Gay) are in to ……..fuck I don’t
know.
Gill: Who cares, listen to the pop they all got.
Stardogg: And here comes a guy who’s worn out his
welcome as far as I’m concerned, the hardcore legend,
Mick “Mr. Socko” Foley.
Gill: I have to agree with you on that one, Dogg.
Coyote: <gasp> Worn out his welcome? He and Terry
Funk are The Hardcore Legends! You don't like Mick
anymore?
Stardogg: Yeah, Kenny, I do like Foley. But he’s
turning into fucking Michaels. Mick retired. I
respected him for it. I respected his reasons for it.
Now he’s turning into a fucking egotistical shill,
just like fucking HB-Gay.
Coyote: I think it’s a very different situation. You
don’t see Mick trying to become WWE Champion, or
interrupting Chris Benoit’s promos all the time. He’s
in a feud with Orton that’s far more entertaining than
anything HBK has been doing on TV.
Gill: Yeah and the guy will lose to him...again, what
does that make 100 times now??? When will someone
else get to put the kid over??
Stardogg: We go to the ring <gasp> but not for a match
<phew> as the Micster is out with his baseball bat
wrapped in barbwire, affectionately named, “Barby”.
Coyote: She’s hardcore! She’s hardcore!
The Brown Farm Sign of the Night:
Orton fears Barby!
Stardogg: Well said, and if I might add, Fuckin A!
Gill: ORTON DOES NOT FEAR A DOLL!!!!!!!
Stardogg: Mick goes into a great rant on ……fuck it’s
hard to tell, but he gives great mic.
Coyote: He sure does.
Gill: wow, we are all in agreement here. I am guessing
that won't last.
Stardogg: He then goes into the fact that he wants to
do awful things to Orton, but that he, Mick Foley isn’t
very comfortable about doing it. However, he tells us,
Cactus Jack is. Gotta love schizophrenics. < Bang!
Bang! > As Foley descends into an attitude that as
far as I’m concerned is more Mankind then Jack, “The
Legend Killer” Randy Orton (RO) is out to try and put
a chair to Foley’s head, but he fucks up and doesn’t.
Coyote: I think that his attitude does have a lot of
Mankind in it, but what it reminds me of most is the
Cactus Jack we saw in ECW.
Gill: Right you are Kenny. I have the DVD of the best
of Foley that includes his ECW promos that are brilliant
and this reminded me of this, so much so I might be
looking forward to seeing their match on Sunday night.
Stardogg: For the first match of the night, and only
21 minutes into the big show, the Big Red Machine,
Kane is out to kill someone. Who do you guys think is ……..
going to play <turn it up> … aren’t they on Smackd…..
Gill: What the....
Stardogg: ……..
Gill: .....
Stardogg: Not to sound like the recently screwed over
and fired Farooq, but, “well I’ll be damned”.
Gill: well said Dogg, it's him...he's back.
Stardogg: Out comes Grandmaster Sexay….also known as
Brain Christopher Lawler.
Coyote: Cool. I think he’s pretty good. I wonder
where he’s been?
Gill: More or less the indies.
Stardogg: Not a fan of his, not at all, but I’m glad
he got his job back. He’s another one who was fucked
over for no reason by Goddamn Vince. The Grandmaster
might be back, but tonighthe was fodder. Kane destroys him.
Coyote: Not exactly a triumphant return was it? I
guess his dad doesn’t have much clout, although I
would think that he would.
Gill: I think this was punishment for what might have happened
with his firing, squash match or not, it's good to see Grandmaster
Sexay back. Now what we need is a Rikishi heel turn, Scotty 2
Hotty coming to Raw and we'll have Too Cool back.
Stardogg: Now we see Canadian hottie Trish Stratus and
the makeup chick. How thrilling. Maybe next we can see
Tajiri tip his waiter at dinner. In comes EB’s nephew and
the mentally challenged Eugene to see Trish. He calls her
a slut. I must admit, I thought it was funny.
Coyote: I liked it when he called her a slut too, but
in general I really hate Eugene.
Gill: I personally don't have an opinion of him... yet but
it's still good to see William Regal back on TV.
Stardogg: In comes Pigs favorite, Sir William Regal to
save Eugene from the wrath of Stratus. Christian comes
into cop a feel of Trish.
Gill: do you blame him?
Stardogg: Hell no, I don’t blame him. Out to the ring comes
the rightful RAW play-by-play guy, Jonathan Coachman
and some masked guy. The dude with the mask has familiar .
moves. Any ideas?
Coyote: I don’t know.
Gill: I do, somehow I saw a goatee through the mask which
to me looked alot like Al Snow's.
Stardogg: Damned if I know. Turns out that Tajiri
wants a match at BackLash. They can’t be fucking
serious.
Gill: Unfortunately, they are.
Stardogg: God damn Pay-Per-View and they are giving the
fucking Coach a match at it? Fuck Vince.
Gill: With "Barbie".
Coyote: Coach is an announcer and he’s getting a PPV
match? Taz is an announcer (unfortunately). You’d
think if they were gonna give any announcer a PPV
match it would be Taz.
Gill: He doesn't want one anymore, the guy is enjoying life
without competing in the ring.
Stardogg: Coach says that first Tajiri will have to
beat a five star Ninja he has with him. <Sigh>
The Dogg’s Rant of the Night:
Gill: Oh shit, Kenny get the XBox ready, let's play
Smackdown 6: Here comes the pain.
Stardogg: Piss off, Fish. I don’t know where America’s
fascination came from for the “Ninja”. It’s bizarre.
First off, I’ll bet you 99% of people don’t even know
what the fuck a ninja is, unless it’s some movie or
videogame version. A real ninja you won’t see in this
country. They are an offshoot from the Shoguns
trinity. Loosely translated, ninja means trained
killer or assassin. They were the most elite of the
Shogun. Trained by the best for service to the emperor
of Japan. They do still exist. They however don’t run
around with big swords and black facemasks throwing
“ninja stars” at people. They are still the paid
killers for the ruler of Japan, his secret service.
They are trained in hand-to-hand combat, explosives
and firearms. They don’t wear black robes or “gi’s” and
the black mask. They wear suits and ties. The
cartoonish “ninja” that we see in movies, videogames
and in the ring right now hasn’t existed in well over
200 years. No Westerner has ever been a ninja or can
ever be one. You must be born into the order, trained
from birth. The closest a westerner has ever come is a
guy who lived in Japan for over 20 years and trained
with the Shogun’s. You might have heard of him, his
name is Steven Segal. All that movie bad ass shit is
one thing, but when comes down to it, more then any of
the others, Segal is the real deal.
Gill: Who never gets his hair messed up during fight scenes,
he must be a ninja, are you done yet?
Stardogg: Yeah, I’m done, I just hate the ignorance of
some and the acceptance of it by others due to lack of
knowledge.
Coyote: Good Rant Dogg. Very informative and
interesting.
Gill: Kenny, you don't have to kiss his ass dude, just tell it like it is.
Stardogg: While not a ninja, the masked dude has some
martial arts background, that is for sure. He matches up
with Tajiri very well. Tajiri is one of the best from the Orient
in the field of professional wrestlers. He gets the win
in convincing fashion and gets his PPV match vs. the
Coach.
Gill: Great and that is being sarcastic here.
Stardogg: Taj is feeling his oats and damasks his
opponent. Hey, it’s Al Snow.
Gill: I was right... again.
Coyote: This is so stupid. Tajiri beats Al Snow so
that he can get a match with Coach. Basically they’re
putting Coach on a higher level than Snow.
Stardogg: FUCK VINCE
Gill: With a Ninja Star.
Stardogg: FUCK VINCE THE GOD DAMN SONUVABITCH!
Gill: Damn dude, what's wrong?
Stardogg: I AM PISSED OFF!
Coyote: My keen Coyote senses detected that.
Gill: Very astute obervation there, Kenny.
Stardogg: Why isn’t Al wrestling? He’s still great at
it? Why isn’t Taz? They are both in their primes still
and can still be great in the ring. FUCK VINCE.
Coyote: I agree Dogg. Al Snow and Taz are both very
good.
Gill: I'm not sure about Al, but Taz doesn't want to anymore,
he has sustained too many injuries over the years so he just
doesn't want to anymore.
Stardogg: Now the 16-time heavyweight champion, the
Nature Boy Ric “Woo” Flair is in and gets a PPV match
vs. SB. Again, nothing against Flair at all, he is one
of the all time greats, but his time has gone. He is
still a great guy. He can and does make a contribution
in wrestling. His place in Evolution would be the same
were he not active. He should not be the tag champion
now and he should not be getting a PPV match.
Coyote: You’re right. Something is wrong when Ric
Flair is still wrestling and Tazz isn’t. And I do
agree that Flair was one of the all time greats. His
feud with Terry Funk was the best I’ve ever seen.
Gill: I disagree with both of you (Gee there is a shock).
Natch can still go in the ring and perform better then 75%
of the roster and besides that, SB needs someone who
can get in the ring with him and he is Flair. Now I will
agree that he does not need or really should have the tag
team titles, but what can you do?
Stardogg: Now SB runs in to beat on Natch. This is
stupid. They have no heat. Now a “How Great Am I”
bit from the Game, HHH.
Gill: What else is new.
Stardogg: Next up, a huge rock star and the Highlight
of the Night, Chris “Y2J” Jericho is out for a
“highlight reel” segment.
Gill: My favorite part of the night.
Stardogg: Y2J gives what is sure to be one of the best
things seen in a WWE ring that isn’t wrestling this
year. He goes on an Anti-Trish rant that had us
rolling in laughter, including but not limited to,
clips of Trish on all fours and dubbed in sounds of
dogs barking.
Coyote: Very entertaining. Dogg, did you do any of
those voice overs?
Stardogg: Trish is a FDDBTBH, or filthy, dirty,
disgusting, bottom-feeding trash bag ho, so we learn
from Y2J.
Gill: Great, he has such a quick mind that I guarentee
you both that he came up with it himself.
Stardogg: Our guest tonight on the Highlight Reel is
one I know the Coyote will approve of, the lovely
Lita.
<Coyote jumps up, starts pound his foot down and
howling>
Stardogg: Kenny, calm down bro, have some dip.
Coyote: How can I calm down? My Lovely Lita will be
on the highlight reel tonight! This is great!
<The Coyote continues to howl loudly>
Gill: Yeah sure, great she is the guest, ummm Dogg, got
any more feud bro? I am starving.
Stardogg: Yep, more Salsa, some guacamole and a cheese
pepper dip Lindsey also sent over. Those blue tortilla
chips we all like so much are in the bag.
Gill: Sweet!!
Stardogg: Before Lita can even get to the ramp, she is
attacked from behind by Stratus.
Coyote: Oh no! That was a cheap shot!
Stardogg: Before a full-blown catfight can start, EB
is out and books Lita vs. Trish right now.
Coyote: Lita’s gonna kick her ass.
Gill: You wish.
Stardogg: This is yet more proof that most people are
fucking stupid. EB is this “heel” to most of the WWE
fans and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.
He hates Vince McMahon and visa versa. That should be
a selling point. He gives us the match above, and the
fans are down with it. What’s so wrong with Bischoff?
Coyote: Did he really give us this match or did Vince?
I thought you said Eric had no booking power. Just
one thing that’s wrong with Bischoff is he kisses
Evolution’s ass just like he used to kiss Hogan’s ass.
He contributes nothing to the show of any value as
far as I’m concerned.
Gill: Kenny, you're just an EC-Dub fan who agrees with
everything Heyman tells you, he has done absolutely
nothing?? How about single handedly beat Vince
McMahon's ass in the ratings game for over 100 weeks
in a row? Almost making the son of a bitch bankrupt??
I count that as something he has done to the business
and that is why Dogg the man is hated by the fans cause
they all believe Vince's bullshit about how "evil" the man is.
Stardogg: Fuck Vince.
Gill: Why did you just say that?
Stardogg: Dunno, just seemed like a good spot. More
over why is SCSA still over? He’s “taken his ball and
gone home” yet again. Basically telling the fans,
“fuck you”.
Gill: Wrong you are Dogg, all Austin wants is for him to
keep his "Stone Cold" name so he can do whatever he
wants like go to Hollywood. If the Rock can keep his
name why can't Austin? Especially if the man himself
came up with the name and NOT Vince.
Coyote: Yeah right. Like he “owes” us something.
SCSA is still over because he’s great, and he doesn’t
owe us anything. He’s provided more great moments in
the last 7 years in WWF/WWE than anyone.
Gill: Wow Kenny, I will agree with you on that.
Stardogg: <Sigh> well this is a big load of fucking
bullshit. Second week in a goddamn row we come back
from commercial and the ladies match is half fucking
over.
Coyote: Fuck! Why do they keep doing this?
Gill: Because some asshole decides to fuck the fans over
that are not there live, gee any guess who he is?
Stardogg: We see that Y2J is in the corner of Lita and
here comes Christian to help out Trish. Then the Burger King has…..
The Brown Farm Quote of the Night:
“Trish can pin me anytime she wants.”
Stardogg: A sentiment I can most agree with.
Gill: Fuckin' A
<The match progresses and the Dogg gets a wicked grin
on his face>
Stardogg: So um….Kenny, how do you feel about Trish
being shown as being on equal footing as Lita? They
are making it seem as if they have equal talent.
<Gill glares at Dogg now>
Coyote: I think that’s pretty fucked up. That kind of
shit happens in wrestling all the time though, in WWE,
and elsewhere. Somebody with real talent gets put on
equal footing with someone who has very little talent.
So I’m used to it by now. I’m just glad to see Lita.
See Dogg, I’m trying to look at this in a positive
way, like Page would.
Gill: Why per tail would you ask that Dogg?
Stardogg: Was just a question, Fish.
Gill: To quote the great DDP...."Whatever".
Stardogg: Lita to the outside, and it looks as if
Christian said something not to kind to her, as Lita
bitch-slaps him. Then, in a completely revolting display,
Christian rears back and shoves Lita as hard as he
can, driving her into the crowd barrier.
Coyote: Hey, that was a shoot! Why doesn’t Christian
try shooting on some of the guys instead of women?
That fucking pussy.
<In the back, Vince joyfully jerks off as this happens
while screaming, “Yea, you give it to that little
cunt. We need more of that in this company. Show them
bitches who’s in charge.>
Stardogg: Can I get a “Fuck Vince”?
Coyote: Fuck Vince and Fuck Christian!
Gill: With two pool sticks.
Stardogg: Thank ya!
Gill: No problem.
Stardogg: Was distracted by my thoughts of burning
God damn Vince alive, but looking back to the set I see
where Y2J has lost his shirt. Ginger must be in
heaven.
Coyote: You two sure have been engaged for a long
time. I’m starting to wonder if there’s ever gonna be
a wedding.
Stardogg: Y2J is in and puts Trish into the “Wall of
Jericho” but does it, I think we can all agree, with a
great deal of care, not the rough act of Christian.
Coyote: Yes, there is a big difference between the
two.
<In the back, Vince ceases jerkin his gherkin mid
motion and screams upon watching Jericho’s treatment
of Trish, “What the fuck is that? He needs to treat
her like the fucking bitch she is! Patterson, pull
your pants up and dock him some pay”.>
Gill: Thanks for that image there, Dogg.
Stardogg: And the PMBD of Jericho……
Two “unprettiers” to Jericho and Ross calls
Trish a, “two timing Jezebel” ~ now three weeks ago
she was the picture of light and all that was good.
Your play-by-play guy Kev.
Gill: He's better then Heyman.
Stardogg: I’ll stick with Heyman, Kenny?
Coyote: Me too.
Gill: You would?
Stardogg: A rather interesting comment out of JR,
“Trish might be eating something else later” …..never
mind. Now the new French Fuckers, Sylvan Griener
and Rob Conway discuss their move to Quebec Canada.
Goddamn Vince is going to do the anti-Canada bit yet
again. Fuck Vince.
Gill: With a French flag.
Coyote: That would be creative. What exactly the fuck
is it we’re supposed to have against Canada?
Stardogg: And here comes Eugene to fuck with the flag.
Again, Regal in for the save.
Gill: Like clockwork.
Stardogg: Now Johnny Nitro is out to the ring to read
a statement or some shit from the GM. He then calls
out the returning Edge. <You think you know me> goes
the intro and out comes Edge. He listens to the B.S. by
Nitro tells him to piss off and spears him for good measure.
Coyote: That was pretty cool.
Gill: If healthy, he could be headlining Wrestlemania next year.
Stardogg: Now Conway is out with his other FF and
they’ll take on ……..Stand Back! There’s a Hurricane………
<All three animals look to the vacant chair of the Pig
before continuing.>
Stardogg: Shane Helms is out to face Conway, his
S.H.I.T. Rosie with him.
Coyote: This is horrible. I couldn’t give a shit less
about the three of them.
Gill: Come on Kenny, gotta have love for The Hurricane.
Stardogg: Shane Helms is shirtless. I’m sensing a new
theme. Maybe besides big fat male asses Vince is
getting hard ons over guys nude pecs.
Gill: Why would you...nevermind I give up.
Stardogg: Out comes Eugene to give the FF a fluffy
stuffed Easter Bunny. What a nice young man.
The bunny gets beheaded and poor Eugene is
hurt. With the “Eye of the Hurricane” Helms with the
win.
Gill: Poor bunny.
Stardogg: Now a “How Great Am I” bit fucking HB-Gay.
He is the most arrogant fucking prick.
Coyote: So? Most top level guys are. How arrogant do
you have to be to say “I’m the best there is, the best
there was, and the best there ever will be?” Don’t
get me wrong, I like Bret Hart a lot. My point is I
have no problem with arrogance. Arrogance is good.
Gill: I have to agree with you there Kenny, every single top
guy is arrogant. You have to be in order to claim that top
spot and there is no other great arrogant man then HHH.
Stardogg: HB-Gay says he’s here to separate fact from fiction.
Fact: Shawn Michaels is an arrogant prick who demands
the spotlight and doesn’t give a fuck for anyone but
his own ego, at any cost. He thinks he is the best and
thinks everyone should think the same of him.
Fiction: Shawn Michaels is an arrogant prick who
demands the spotlight and doesn’t give a fuck for
anyone but his own ego, at any cost. He thinks he is
the best and thinks everyone should think the same of
him.
Stardogg: Hmmm, doesn’t seem to be much difference
does there? Now the SmackDown Rebound.
What-Fucking-Ever.
Gill: Smackdown has become the WCW's answer to
Thunder it isn't even funny.
Stardogg: Now we get a video bit on what a crazy
fucker Mic Foley is. Old footage from ECW and New
Japan is used. Yep, Mic is insane.
Coyote: That was really cool. I had been hoping they
would show some footage from Japan. I wonder just how
violent they’re gonna let the match at Backlash get?
Stardogg: We see where Evolution is looking on and
Randy Orton, Mic’s opponent at the PPV looks
concerned. I would be too.
Coyote: He doesn’t have any scars. Yet.
Gill: Keyword...yet.
Stardogg: Now a “How Great Am I” bit by Chris Benoit.
Gill: That's all you say about Benoit? Damn Dogg, he
did sound arrogant there too didn't he?
Stardogg: The afore mentioned Crippler is out to the
ring now, and he’s now announced as, “living in
Atlanta Georgia” ~ wonder how many times they plan to
change it.
Coyote: It doesn’t mean shit to me. If he wants to
live in Atlanta why should I have a problem with it?
It’s true that he isn’t originally from Atlanta, but
Flair isn’t originally from Charlotte either. Big
fuckin’ deal.
Gill: again it is a big deal to the Canadians Kenny, in
order to get it, I guess you may have to have been born
in Canada. I don't know, I give up with you too.
Stardogg: Next out, fucking HB-Gay, full pyro, much
more pomp and ceremony then Benoit got and Benoit is
champ. Jim Ross runs out and blows HBK as he comes
down the ramp.
Coyote: There was just no need to show that. Fucking
sick.
Gill: Ummm Kenny, dude that didn't happen.
Stardogg: Yes he did, you just weren’t paying
attention, Fish.
Gill: When have I ever paid any attention to a WWE event?
Stardogg: And now Sheldon Benjamin……and now the
Micster. Evolution is out in force. You know, they
look quite pissed off, the quartet does. Pretty good match
actually. Took up two segments.
Coyote: Yeah, I liked it.
Gill: Eh, it was good.
Stardogg: There was a bit where Flair and HBK are in
together and even HBK has to pay the master his dues,
and the smile is ever apparent as he mimics Flair’s
“Wooooo!”
Coyote: Holy shit! You liked something that HBK did?
Gill: Wow, there really is a god.
Stardogg: As I said a fun match, finally HBK puts
Randy Orton away with a superkick. In place of an
ending rant by me, lets give the fans a real quick
prediction picks for BackLash.
The Ladies Title Match:
Champion Victoria takes on challenger Lita.
Stardogg: My pick is my favorite, Victoria, but
someone else will be a factor, maybe even a few
someones. Trish/Molly/Jazz/Nidia could all play.
Coyote: My Lovely Lita will win and become the new
Ladies Champion.
Gill: Victoria will win just because she can
In a “How Fucking Stupid” Match,
Jonathan “Coach” Coachman vs the Japanese Buzzsaw, Tajiri.
Stardogg: Look for Al Snow to be a force in this
match. Nonetheless, Tajiri will be victorious.
Coyote: This has to be the stupidest match on the PPV.
So stupid that they’ll probably have Coach win, with
Al Snow’s help, setting up a feud between Al Snow and
Tajiri which could be very good.
Gill: Come on they need to have a match like this so we
could use the bathroom or get something to eat, but Tajiri will win
Sheldon Benjamin vs. Ric Flair
Stardogg: The WWE is big on SB and for once I agree
with them. Ric Flair has never had a problem putting
other talent over and doing the job. He’ll do it again
this night and he’ll look good doing it, but hey, what
can you expect? It’s the Nature Boy! Sheldon gets the
win.
Coyote: Shelton is the best new wrestler I’ve seen in
a long time. I don’t see his push ending now, and
Flair is so old, what’s the point in putting him over?
Shelton will win.
Gill: Shelton will win but he needs to get betetr music
The Returning Edge takes on the Big Red Machine, Kane
Stardogg: Edge..nuff said.
Gill: Couldn't say it better myself
Coyote: Edge.
Chris “Y2J” Jericho vs Christian & Trish Stratus
Y2J did the job at Wrestle Mania, so it’s his turn for
a win. He take the win and a measure of
“Stratisfaction” of his own as he pulls some big goof
on Trish.
Coyote: I also think Y2J will win, with some help from
Lita. Trish will be the first one to challenge the
new champion Lita.
Gill: In your dreams, Lita will not win the ladies title, but Y2J
will win in a very good match
For the Intercontinental Championship in a “No Rules”
match with Evolution barred from ringside the reigning
champion Randy Orton defends against Mic Foley.
Stardogg: Hard call on this one. It will be the match
of the night, no question. As much as I want to say
Mic Foley jobbed at Wrestle Mania and this will be his
night, I can’t. I see Orton with the win and plenty of
blood.
Coyote: This match is a lot better suited for Mic
Foley than Orton. Orton just doesn’t have the
experience to win in this kind of match, (yes I’m
speaking story line wise, I know it’s not a shoot) but
I think something very interesting will happen here.
Orton will put up such a good fight against Foley that
the fans will have to respect him, turning him face.
Evolution will try to help him win the match but he’ll
turn down the help wanting to do it on his own. When
he loses they’ll be pissed at him and kick him out of
Evolution, leaving a spot now for a new member of
Evolution.
Gill: No way Kenny, Orton will take this one just because
Foley is a part-time Wrestler and he doesn't deserve the IC Title
For the Heavyweight Championship the Current Champion
Chris Benoit will face off in a Wrestle Mania replay
of the triple threat match against Shawn Michaels and
the Game, HHH.
Stardogg: Another hard call. HHH is going to be gone
to shoot a movie so I’m thinking it won’t be him. I’d
like to sit here and tell you that since Benoit has
finally come unto his own and is so deserving the WWE
and Vince will allow him to retain, but I can’t. HBK
has been sucking Vinnie off and I look for him to be
the Champion again. Vince has already fucked over one
Canadian for the Championship in Canada. I look for a
replay of it again, HBK going heel and Goddamn Vince
playing up the recap of the Survivor Series Screwjob.
Coyote: Here’s what I think will happen, and it’s how
I would book it anyway. Now Benoit is already over,
so how do you get him even more over? He’s already
proved his critics wrong, the ones who said that he
wasn’t tall enough or good enough on the mic to ever
be the WWE Champion. Turning him heel would be stupid
because he really isn’t good enough on the mic to be a
great heel, so you get him over even more as a face by
having Shawn Michaels turn heel by siding with HHH to
double team Benoit, trying to make sure he loses.
Have him come back against insurmountable odds, by
winning a triple threat match - this time when both
guys are against him. That's the only way to top what
he did at WM. He’ll need a little help to
realistically be able to do that, so I expect Shelton
Benjamin to lend a helping hand since it was Benoit
who gave Shelton his pep talk the night when Shelton
first beat The Game. Shawn Michaels will join
Evolution.
Gill: Hey I want to see a HBK heel turn more then you
guys do, but it won't happen on Sunday, however
Benoit will win the match just for the simple reason that
it's his own hometown, let alone own country. It won't
be as good as WM 20, but then again how could it be,
but when you have three of the best in there, it has to be
a hell of a match.
Stardogg: Fuck Vince.
Gill: With a "Stone Cold Stunner"
Stardogg: Thanks Fish. The only topping that would be
perfect was if Brett Hart were to jump out of the
crowd as Vince was playing it out and shoot the
motherfucker in the face..
Coyote: That would be pretty hardcore. Besides, isn’t
that what hitmen do, kill people?
Gill: Hey I'll just settle seeing The Hitman back on TV
Parting words from the Dogg:
Stardogg: I recently heard about optimism. Someone
said I might try and adopt it in my life. I’ve thought
about it and decided it won’t work. I know that
concept won’t work. It can’t. It sounds too hard and
far-fetched. Fuck it. Catch you all later, we’re off
to the nudie bar.
Gill: <Sigh> He tries, trust me he tries
Stardogg: As always, it has been your pleasure. I
sincerely hope I offended each of you, at least in
some small way. Your comments are welcomed, and thanks
for reading.
[Stardogg] Before you go, remember to check out The Ring Post where you'll find a ton of great posts by some of the best writers (of any genre) on the Internet today, including Annie, Der Kommissaar, Jones, Tony D., Ginger of "Sort of" fame and her diametric opposite, the always evil & utterly vile giver of the famed "Bag of Hell" awards, BarbWireMike (who also happens to run the all new Lethal Wrestling). Then, cruise on over to the PhenomForest for all the latest in the ever evolving story of the American Badass and his friends. Until next time, this is Stardogg Champion (stardog_99@yahoo.com) for Gill (DJKevinGillman75@aol.com) and Coyote (acecrusher2002@yahoo.com) saying good night world and God bless. Oh yeah, thanks for reading
