Chapter 43
“Oh no you did not do that!” Lana said as Kim held up a full pack of Oreos with an evil grin on her face.
“I most certainly did,” Kim laughed. “So much for Mr. ‘I Can Outsmart You Kimberly.’ I found his latest junk food stash. I found a bunch of booze in there too, along with a full carton of cigarettes and a half empty one after the little shit told me he was going to quit smoking.”
“Next you’ll be saying you found dirty magazines too.” Lana couldn’t help but laugh.
“Quite a few, as a matter of fact, along with the rest of his porn stash.”
“The rest of his porn stash?” Lana raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I think his collection is bigger than Paul’s now judging from all the DVD’s I found. They filled almost the whole hidden portion of the top of the closet. The funny thing is Shortzilla doesn’t even know I‘m aware that part of the closet exists.”
“Exactly how did you find out about it to begin with?”
“I was putting shit away one day when I’d come back from shopping while the guys were away overseas. Anyway, I put some stuff on the top shelf and my hand hit something. This little door came open, and lo and behold, there I was getting clobbered on the head with Brian’s porn stash. Of course, I put it back the way it was and played stupid ever since like I didn’t know that little hole was there. But it was the first place I thought of today when I went hunting for the junk food stash, and did I hit the jackpot!” She took hefty bites out of a few of the Oreos.
“You know you may be a dead pregnant woman before sunset when Dad gets home, right?” Lana asked.
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Kim laughed. “Then again, he may be so crazed out for his cancer sticks that he’ll be too busy getting them back to kill me for stealing the food stash. And speaking of crabby people, where’s Ricky Ricardo today?”
“Up at the basketball court with Robbie. It was all I could do to shove him out of the house. If he was a woman, I’d swear he was having a permanent period. That man has to be the moodiest person on the face of this earth. I married him again why?”
“You were madly in love and bore his son,” Kim reminded her. “And it could be worse; you could have Old Smokey with a very large porn stash for a husband.”
“Good point, but at least he isn’t grouchy all the time.”
“No because he’s got both El Prego, Wife From Hell here along with an attack cat that will claw him up if he does.”
“Speaking of the cat, aren’t you worried about him when the baby comes?”
“If you’re concerned about it suffocating the baby, Lana, that’s an old wives’ tale.”
“Actually, I was thinking more of the cat being jealous of the baby. He could do something, you know.”
“I’m looking into the declawing thing,” Kim nodded. “That and having his teeth filed down a bit. Don’t worry, though; he’ll get plenty of attention that he won’t have time to be jealous of the baby. Who knows, he’ll probably hide from it most of the time.”
“Good point. So what other treasures do you plan to uncover today?”
“I think I’m pretty well done, since the dusting and that are finished. Kind of fun while it lasted, though. And the Oreos were fresh, too.”
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