Chapter 58
A little later, Paul had almost literally bumped into Ezekiel on his way to get the girls from Brian, noticing an object in the big man’s hand.
“Gee, uh, Zeke. I didn’t know you took up smoking,” he said uncomfortably. Paul didn’t care what his father in law or even Montana said, the guy was just plain scary.
“I didn’t, sir. Had to take it off the boss,” Zeke replied.
“Hate to tell you this, man, but if you’re trying to get Brian to knock off the smokes, you’re kind of wasting your time. Been there, tried that, no success.”
“It wasn’t that, sir. I had to protect the little ones. You see, the boss was ‘passing gas’ as it were, and—”
“Fucking hell, Zeke, are you trying to tell me he was teaching my daughters how to light farts?”
The big man nodded, saying nothing.
“To think this is whom my wife left in charge. Jesus. He’s tried that shit before and nearly set himself on fire.”
“Won’t be now, sir.” Zeke held up the lighter. “At least for the moment.”
“Good, hang on to that at least until I’m done ripping your boss a new one and getting my kids out of there.”
“Go on in, sir.”
“Hi Papi!” Mac and Kira said cheerfully upon seeing him.
“Hi. Hey, could you two go out with Zeke for a couple of minutes? I need to have a talk with Uncle Spanky.”
He glared over at Brian as the girls nodded and left the room. “Dude, what are you trying to do, kill yourself and take my kids with you?”
“Come on, Paul, we were just goofing off. I just wanted to show them that it was possible.”
“So you demonstrate lighting farts? Nice. So help me God, Spanky, if I catch one of them even trying that, I’m going to kill your ass.”
“Be thankful I wasn’t successful this time, dude.”
“I’m also thankful Zeke got that damn lighter off of you before God knows what happened. Like I don’t have enough to worry about with Montana being pregnant and another possible release list coming out without this bullshit of yours.”
“Okay, okay, no more attempts at fart lighting. Next time, I’ll take them to the park.”
“That’s more like it.”
“Could you tell Zeke to bring back my lighter on your way out? I could use a smoke while thinking about what stories I haven’t told your wife yet.”
“You know I can put a permanent ban on you from her and the kids, right?”
“Sure you can, PL, but you won’t. They all love me too much.”
“You are so full of yourself,” Paul laughed. “And by the way, thanks for telling Mon about the gay bar stories, you little shit.”
“That was her favorite,” Brian grinned. “That and the one I told her about catching you stroking off.”
“Is nothing sacred with you?”
“Nope. You should know that by now.”
“Oquela. Anyway, enjoy your smoke and don’t burn the place down. No more teaching my kids stupid shit either. We’re supposed to be role models, after all, and lighting one‘s own gas hardly constitutes a good role model.”
Later:
After a long drive home from the show, Montana had put the girls to bed (while being subjected to the nightly patting and kissing of her belly with them “saying goodnight to the baby”) before sitting down in the quiet house with Paul, handing over the sonogram picture.
He studied it for a long time, turning it at several angles, eyebrows knitted.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him at one point.
“Are you sure everything’s okay with this kid, babe? Something here looks a little off.”
“The baby’s fine,” she chuckled.
“Seriously? Because what I’m seeing here doesn’t look like what I saw of Mac and Kira’s.”
“Give me that.” Montana took the photo back. “Look, it’s a baby, obviously. Arms, little legs, its face…”
“Then what the hell is that?” he asked, pointing to something lower on the picture.
“The same thing you have, only in miniature.”
It finally hit him. “You mean this kid is a….”
“Yes,” she nodded and smiled. “Say hello to your son.”
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