Chapter 59
“Oh my gosh,” Shaun said, excited. “a boy?”
Montana nodded. “A healthy little boy so far.”
“Paul must be beside himself about this.”
“That doesn’t even begin to describe it, Shaun. If you think him walking around here like he made a major accomplishment when I discovered I was pregnant was something, imagine that in tenfold now. He thinks he’s totally the man.”
“I know he and Reggie were trying for a boy before she got pregnant with Kira and was a little let down when it was another girl. Of course, one wouldn’t know it now the way he treats both of them.”
“Really? He’s never mentioned that.”
“Well, I guess he doesn’t like the idea of mentioning Reggie too much. So have you decided on any names yet?”
“Not really. I’ve kicked some ideas around, but haven’t really settled on anything. Meanwhile, Papi and Brian are out scouting things for the baby’s room. I kind of gave Paul domain over the room. He wanted to do it himself.”
“Oh, that ought to be a live comedy, especially with Brian tagging along.”
“I’m sure, but it will at least give him something to do when he’s home besides rub my belly and basically drive me nuts. Ever since I got pregnant, Paul’s hanging all over me at every turn. You’d think this was his first child instead of his third.”
“It’s his first one with you,” Shaun replied with a shrug.
“True, but my God. Add to that now that he knows that it’s a boy, it’s ten times worse. The poor child isn’t even born yet, and Paul’s already making lifetime plans about what they’re going to do together.”
“Well, I will say this much,” Shaun replied. “You won’t have to worry about him not being an involved father.”
Meanwhile:
“Dude, are you kidding me?” Paul asked when Brian showed him a can of paint while they were at the hardware store. “Robin’s egg blue? Oquela, the kid’s room is supposed to be soothing, not scare the hell out of him.”
“You said try and find something in blue,” Brian protested, “so I did.”
“Sure, pick the ugliest damn thing you can find. What’s next, baby shit orange?”
“That might not be a bad idea.”
“Come on, Spanky, this is going to be my son’s room; not exactly the time to be clowning around. I want a nice blue and I told Mon I’d go down to the baby store and look at some decent furniture too.”
“Didn’t you keep the crib from when you had Kira?”
Paul rolled his eyes while checking other paint colors. “I should have known to have asked either Chris, Shawn, or Lance to come along. No, I had to pick a doofus whose idea of a kid is having four legs, a tail, and sheds all year round.”
“Hey, don’t be bagging on Captain Jack. He doesn’t require diapering or feeding, just eats out of a bowl on the floor, shits in a box, sleeps at least twelve hours a day, and only has to see the vet once a year. How many kids you know can do that?”
“I think I’ll take the lesser of two evils, and I hope you’re going to lock him and his box in another room anytime I bring Montana over.”
“Why? She and Jack love each other. He purrs like an outboard motor every time he sees her.”
“Cat boxes are toxic to pregnant women, dipshit.”
“Oh hell, I didn’t know that part, especially since Reggie rarely came over, and never did while she was in the family way. Glad you said something, dude; I’d hate to see anything go wrong with Mini PL because of my stupidity.” Brian picked up another can. “I suppose you won’t like this color either.”
Paul looked at the tag. “Peony blue? Jesus Christ, Spanky. Let me get a salesperson.”
“Why did I bother coming here again?”
“Just go find me some stuff for shelving. Can you at least do that without goofing something up?”
“How hard it is to find stuff to build shelves?”
“Exactly. Get out of here while I find someone that knows what the hell they’re doing as far as paint goes.”
In another part of the mall:
“Oh look at this!” Marylin picked up a pink layette set. “Isn’t it adorable? And look at these tiny little booties!”
“Uh, Marylin?” Mariah replied. “There’s just one problem. Montana’s having a boy.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She had a sonogram yesterday.”
“I suppose in that case pink is totally out. I guess I’m so used to Paul having little girls.”
“Aren’t we all? Anyway, we need to find something decent for a shower present.”
“I hope some of the girls are having better luck than we are. I would prefer to get something that Montana won’t have two thousand of already.”
“The one thing good about baby clothes, though, is that one can’t have too many of them. And if you get something a little bigger, they’ll grow right into them.”
“Hey, that isn’t a bad idea. How did you know about that, Mariah?”
“Shopping for my cousin’s baby last year. I also read that someplace in one of those baby books they have sitting around doctor’s offices.”
Marylin picked up a blue onesie, inspecting it. “You ever think about kids?”
“Uhhhh, not really. I can barely take care of the dog,” Mariah replied.
“How is Skipper these days anyway?”
“Actually, he’s doing great since his leg healed. I’m still trying to track down the assclown who threw that firecracker that hit him. Of course, Skipper’s new hobby now is terrorizing Brian’s cat. Poor Captain Jack takes one look at Skip and dives for cover. Thing is, all Skip wants to do is play.”
“Poor kitty,” Marilyn laughed before picking up a tiny pair of blue booties. “Hey, look at these.”
“Cute. Those would go with this.” Mariah held up a sailor suit.
“Wouldn’t that be a little big for him?”
“Again, Marylin, he’ll grow into it. Babies grow fast.”
“Oh, right. So let’s get this stuff. Montana should be set with all this and the diapers I ordered.”
“You ordered diapers?” Mariah gave her a look.
“Yeah, it’s this company that supplies diapers to new mothers for a year.”
“Well, if nothing else, that will be practical.”
“Exactly. And what new mother can do without diapers? At least she won’t have to worry about sending Paul out for a pack of them in the middle of the night.”
“Nor will he have to worry about being sent out for tampons the next several months,” Mariah laughed. “Come on, let’s go pay for our stuff.”
On the way home:
“Montana’s going to love the stuff you ordered,” Brian grinned. “I guess this day wasn’t so bad after all.”
“Yeah, considering you embarrassed the hell out of me practically the whole time, especially while we were in the baby store and you were holding up that breast pump yelling, ‘Hey, PL, what’s this shit and what does it do?’ on top of your lungs. Jesus.” Paul rolled his eyes. “One can dress you up, but they can’t take you out.”
“Well, I was just curious.”
“Just be curious in a lower voice next time if you’re not at least fifty feet away from me. At least you got the right stuff for shelves when we were at the hardware joint.”
“Speaking of which, did your anal retentive self find some paint?”
“As a matter of fact, I did. A very soothing pale blue, thank you very much.”
“So I guess you’re ready for the big project to begin, huh Mr. Handyman?”
“Very much so. The less wifey has to do, the better.”
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