Chapter 70
“Oh fucking hell,” Paul groaned, laying on the car horn and then yelling out the window. “Hey, buddy, move it or park it, will you? Oquela!”
Great, no better time to get stuck in rush hour traffic, he thought, groaning again.
When traffic finally did move, it was at a crawl, only to have him hit a stop light. Paul banged his head on the steering wheel, swearing in Spanish.
The light changed, and traffic finally moved again at a steady pace before Paul swore in Spanish again at someone who had cut him off.
“Am I supposed to get to this hospital at all? Jesus!”
Meanwhile:
“What do I do again?” Brian asked, totally clueless and wondering what the hell was taking Paul so damn long to get there.
“Just….sit….and….be….quiet…for…now…” Montana managed to get out through clenched teeth.
“Are you in pain?”
“No, Brian; actually, labor is quite ticklish.”
“Something tells me we’re going to be here awhile.”
“You could say that,” Montana replied. “Did you get in contact with Paul at all?”
“Yeah, God knows where he is, considering he drives like he’s a hundred years old. Of course, knowing dipshit, he probably had to stop for gas or something.”
“Jesus, Brian.”
“Well, just saying. I need to remind dude that he’s also paying for the mess on the car upholstery; no fault of yours, by the way.”
“Thanks,” she said before another contraction hit.
“Should I get a doctor or something? I don’t think you should be suffering like that.”
“Thanks for the sentiment, but I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
“O…..kay, then.” Paul, your ass better be through that door within the next five minutes or I am going to fucking kill you when you do get here, Brian thought.
A short time later:
When he managed to get out of the traffic clog, for the first time he could remember, Paul stepped on the gas and went full tilt toward the hospital, only to see the dreaded red flashing lights in the rear view mirror.
Another loud groan escaped his lips before he pulled over.
“Oquela…..” It was almost as if Murphy’s Law had taken full effect.
A female officer had tapped on the window. “In a hurry to get somewhere this evening, young man?” she asked, taking his information.
“Uh…actually, my wife’s in labor and I’m on my way to the hospital,” Paul managed to choke out.
“Right,” the officer nodded. “I’ll be back in a moment; sit tight, Dale, Jr.”
Great, Paul thought, now I have some lady cop thinking I’m some smart ass kid with a lead foot flying down the road for the fun of it. Meanwhile, Montana’s probably had the kid by now or close to it, Brian’s with her, but doesn’t know his ass from his elbow about this kind of stuff and probably shitting razor blades, both of them are probably going to cut my balls off by the time I get there, and now I’m going to get a ticket on top of it all. As if this day couldn’t get any worse.
Before Paul knew it, the cop had returned, but she was smiling this time, handing back his information. “Got yourself a nice clean driving record. I don’t see that very often on my job.”
“Uh….thanks.”
“What hospital is your wife having the baby?”
Paul told her.
“Need a police escort?”
He brightened; maybe things were going to get better after all. “Are you serious? Where’s the ticket?”
“I’ll let you off with a warning and escort you to the hospital. Come on, time’s wasting, Papa.”
In the delivery room:
“So are we ready to be proud parents?” the doctor asked cheerfully.
Montana shot him a look. “I think I’ve been ready since two thirty this afternoon.”
“Oh, no, dude; I have nothing to do with this,” Brian interjected, jumping up. “I’m just filling in.”
“Brian?” Montana asked.
“Yes?”
“Sit down and shut up.”
“Okay then.” Oh, PL, you are going down when you get here.
“The head is crowning,” the doctor said. “Not much longer now and you’ll be able to greet your new baby.”
“Wait, what?” Brian asked, snapping to attention.
“IT’S ALMOST HERE!” Montana yelled, giving one final push.
The delivery room went silent as the baby finally entered the world. The silence was soon replaced by the sound of tiny cries….and Brian dropping to the floor in a single thud.
“Oh that is just lovely,” Montana sighed, rolling her eyes. “Fantastic.”
|
