Chapter 73
A few days after Montana had brought the baby home, Montana had a follow up appointment and left Michael with Paul. Brian had been over to visit, both of them taking turns entertaining Michael.
“You know, he’s a pretty good baby…sometimes too quiet,” Paul said, giving Michael a bottle. “Considering what I went through with Mac having ear infections every other month and then colic hell with Kira, it’s like Utopia with this kid.”
“Wow, third time’s a charm, huh?” Brian asked
“Looks that way so far,” Paul said pulling the bottle from Michael’s mouth and checking to make sure he hadn’t given him more than Montana specified before burping his son. He placed a burp cloth on his shoulder and placed the boy on it, patting his back.
“All right, Mikey. Give your papi a good one while they still think it’s cute.”
“You heard him, kid,” Brian agreed. “When you reach Papi’s age, Mami won’t think it’s so cute anymore and will give you these really dirty looks.”
“As most women do,” Paul added as Brian headed for the kitchen to check out the refrigerator.
“Dude, don’t you have any food at home?” Paul asked.
“Yeah,” Brian said. “But all Mimi has is that organic shit. I need me some dead animal.” He grunted and beat his chest.
“You are hopeless,” Paul laughed. Before Michael let out a loud belch.
“And I swear that damn thing your kid just let rip vibrated the walls,” Brian replied. “Jesus, PL, what did you do to that poor baby?”
“That’s my boy,” Paul said he wiped away the spittle and gave Michael back the bottle.
“You aren’t kidding there.” He took a glass out of the cupboard and poured from a container, drinking, and then made a face. “You might want to tell your wife you need some milk. This tastes kind of funny.”
“I hope so,” Paul said, trying to keep a straight face. “You just drank some of Mikey’s midnight snack.”
Brian spit it out into the sink and coughed. “You knew the whole damn time and watched me do it anyway?” You asshole!”
“Speaking of which, think you can burp Mikey for a sec? I need to make a pit stop.”
“Uh……”
“Just burp him, Spanky. He won’t break. Oquela.”
“Right,” Brian said, placing Michael on his shoulder and patting his back. Not long after, a burp echoed through the quiet room.
“Good one,” Paul called from the bathroom. “See, was that so hard?”
“Uh, Paul?”
“Yeah?”
“Got a little problem out here.”
Paul flushed and washed his hands before coming out and seeing the mess on Brian’s shoulder. “Didn’t use the burp cloth, didn’t you?”
“The what?”
Paul picked up the cloth. “This. It’s used to prevent things like that.”
“Oh, right. Well, nothing like the fresh scent of sour baby milk.”
“I’ll loan you one of my T-shirts while I try to get that mess out,” Paul offered.
“Thanks, dude. Look at it this way, it could have been worse. I could have been smelling like baby shit instead.”
“True, but lucky for us, the little guy there already dropped a load earlier for Mami, so with a dry ass and a full tummy, he should be good for awhile.” He tossed Brian the shirt before taking Michael and heading to the nursery to put him in his crib before going to wash out the sour stain and hanging it over the shower.
Montana came home a little over an hour later while they were surfing news sites, one ear on the baby monitor for any slight noise Michael could make.
“How was everything?” she asked.
“Great,” Paul replied. “The little prince is still asleep. Is Kira still over at Beverly’s?”
Montana nodded. “She and Mac both are. They’re going to dinner with them, so it will be just us tonight. I thought we could just order something. You can hang around if you like, Bri.”
“As long as it involves some kind of dead animal, it will work for me,” Brian replied.
“As long as it involves free food, it works for Spanky,” Paul added, only to be rewarded with a smack on the head.
“How come you smell like sour milk?” Montana asked.
“Long story.”
“He burped Mikey without the burp cloth,” Paul explained.
Montana let go a chuckle. “Watch and learn, sweetie.”
“So what dead animal are we eating tonight?”
“There’s a ton of menus in the drawer by the refrigerator.”
“Great. Thanks for sparing me from another night of Mimi’s organic hell, by the way.”
“Since when does Mariah do organic?” Montana wondered.
“That’s what I want to know. Ever since she got out of rehab, she’s gone plain nuts. If she wants to do that organic shit, fine, but does she have to make me suffer too?”
“That’s what women do best, make us suffer,” Paul quipped, getting another smack on the head, this time from his wife. “What?”
“Never know when to be quiet while you’re ahead, do you, PL?” Brian grinned as noises came over the baby monitor.
“Make yourself useful and go get your son,” Montana said. “Meanwhile, I’m going to arrange for our dinner.”
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