Chapter 78
“Catching up on your highbrow reading with the latest girlie issue?” Paul asked.
“For your information, this isn’t a dirty magazine,” Brian replied. “It’s one of those catalogs with Halloween shit. They got some cool costumes in here. You know, you’d be pretty hot as a Mexican maid.”
“Very fucking funny, Spanky.”
“Seriously, man, we should get some costumes for crashing some parties. Didn’t you say you wanted to get some for the girls anyway to take them trick or treating?”
“Yeah. Do they have anything decent in there? Mon and I haven’t found anything but overpriced shit in stores.”
“Kind of nice stuff, and even cute things for babies. You could dress up Mikey.”
“I think four months is a little young to be going trick or treating, dude. The kid isn’t even eating solid food yet.”
“Still, who could resist a cute mini PL in a costume? Hey, check it out, they got costumes for pets in this thing.”
“You’re going to dress up your cat?”
“Mimi would fucking love it. They have costume contests for animals, you know.”
“I always knew you were weird, but holy hell.”
“She’s more into that shit than I am, but if she wants to get clawed to death by Jack, no skin off my ass. First prize is a hundred bucks. And if it’s anything chicks dig, it’s animals and babies.”
“Uh, Spanky, aren’t you forgetting something here? First, you’re with Mimi, and second, I’m a married man with three kids. Jesus.”
“I know. I was just seeing if you were paying attention.”
“Asshole.”
“Anyway, there’s a cute pumpkin costume in here for Mikey. I should show this to Montana.”
“What you think is ‘cute’ is probably something stupid.”
As if on cue, Montana came in with Kira and Michael, setting down the baby and then some groceries. “Hey, guys. What’s going on?”
“Halloween costume discussion,” Brian replied, holding up the catalog. “I was just telling PL there was something cute for Mikey.”
“Oh?” Montana seemed interested. “Let me see.”
“He’s too young for trick or treating,” Paul protested.
“But not too young to dress up, Papi,” Kira replied.
“She’s right,” Montana agreed, looking at the catalog. “And this thing is cute. I think they have nice things in here for the girls too. I think when Mac comes in from school, you two can pick something out, Kira. What do you think?”
“I think it would be fun!” Kira said happily.
“Good, then that’s settled.”
“I still say PL would be hot as a Mexican maid,” Brian laughed. “Especially with that ass.”
“Cut the shit, Spanky,” Paul warned.
“I don’t think that costume comes in his size anyway, Bri,” Montana added, chuckling.
“Thank God,” Paul said.
“Does it come in yours?” Brian asked mischievously.
“Hey,” Paul spoke up again. “I will have you know that’s my wife you’re speaking to and if she gets a maid costume, it will be for me.”
“Down, padre. I was just pulling your chain.”
“And really, clean it up, you two; there’s a child in the room,” Montana added, indicating Kira, who was now engrossed in cartoons.
“Oh, yeah. So what did you get good to eat?”
“For the love of God, Paul, you act like there’s never food in this house.”
“Sometimes there isn’t.”
“We need something to subsist on besides junk food. Those girls are growing and developing and so is Michael.”
“Could be worse, dude,” Brian interjected. “She could be killing you with mostly organic shit like Mimi does. At least now I’ve managed to convince her to give me some dead animal now and again.”
Paul dove into one of the bags. “All right! Chocolate heaven!”
“Paul!” Montana cried. “God, you’re worse than the girls. Those are for Halloween.” She smacked his hand away.
He rubbed his hand. “Not even one piece?”
“No. They’re for the trick or treaters. And one piece for you will end up being the whole bag.”
“You’re no fun.”
“If it’s any consolation, there’s Doritos in the bag over there on the counter by the sink,” she said.
“Now you’re talking!” he said cheerfully, heading for the indicated bag, digging out the chips and the salsa jar that accompanied them, studying the label.
“This is the mild stuff,” he whined.
“Paul, not all of us are of Mexican descent with cast iron stomachs,” Montana reminded him.
“Yeah, homeboy,” Brian said. “Remember the stunt with the cayenne pepper in my noodles you thought was so fucking funny?”
“You mean the time you coughed and puttered until you had water and steam coming out of your ears? How could I forget?” Paul gave a cheesy grin.
“Oh yeah, total hilarity at my expense. You’re lucky I didn’t end up in the ER because of that prank, ass wipe.”
“Not my fault you got a wuss stomach, white boy.”
“Hey, watch it with the white comment,” Montana said, “or I cut off your Dorito supply.”
“Guess she told you, holmes,” Brian gloated, stealing the bag.
“Give me that, Spanky!” Paul cried, swiping it back.
“I forgot, PL’s Dorito’s are sacred ground.”
“Damn right,” Paul said, munching the chips.
“Well, at least share some of your ‘sacred ground’ with your daughter,” Montana reminded him.
“Do I have to?”
Kira perked up, joining in on the joshing. She went over to Paul, holding out her hand and batting her eyes. “Yes. It‘s nice to share, Papi.”
He rolled his eyes playfully before surrendering the bag. “Fine.”
“Better watch that little lady, dude,” Brian said. “She bats those eyes more often, she’s bound to get just about anything.”
“Yeah, women seem to have a talent for that kind of thing.”
Michael began to fuss a little, making his presence known.
“Yes, my little man,” Montana said, picking him up to take him out to the kitchen for his bottle. “I didn’t forget about you; I have something for your tummy right out here.”
“Apparently Mikey has his own way of getting what he wants too,” Brian laughed.
“At least for the moment,” Paul agreed, “but there’s plenty of time to teach him some of charm of the men in this family.”
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