Chapter 82
“I cannot believe you actually talked me into this shit,” Paul groaned on Halloween. “You honestly expect me to walk around with the girls like this?”
“Well, it was either this or Tarzan and Cheetah,” Brian shrugged. “Consider it the lesser of two evils.”
“Sure, and since when is the Lone Ranger short and blond?”
“Since Tonto became half Mexican. And if I say so myself, you make one hot looking Tonto.” He pinched Paul’s ass.
“Fucking hell, cut that out!” Paul yelled.
“I think this warrants a second opinion,” Brian grinned. “Hey, Montana!”
“What’s up?” she called back.
“Need an opinion on Tonto here. What do you think?”
“Holy hell, Spanky,” Paul groaned. “Why not embarrass me further?”
“What? It isn’t like you’re going to be walking around the neighborhood half naked while I’m suffocating in a monkey costume. Come to think of it, I’m glad you talked me out of that one.”
“And I’d been stuck as Jane,” Montana said, coming in with the girls. “Wow, I never thought Tonto looked so good. I think I wouldn’t mind being your squaw later tonight.”
“Jesus, now the Indian jokes commence.”
“Papi, you make a really good Indian,” Mac praised.
“Yeah, you look like a real one,” Kira agreed.
“Guess you’re outvoted on this one, PL,” Brian said.
“I despise you. Did Tonto ever scalp the Lone Ranger?”
“Nope.”
“Guess there should be a first time for everything.”
“Right. Here, Tonto, put your headband on; we got a stash to get your kids.” He put on his black mask before going over to pose in a mirror. “Damn, I am one fine ass Lone Ranger.”
“In your world maybe,” Paul laughed.
“Hey, I was going to rent horses to complete the whole effect.”
“Oquela, can you draw any more attention to us?”
“I said was. First, there was the issue with permits and stuff, and second, I wasn’t keen on the idea of cleaning up horse patties off the street. Long story short, I decided to pass on that idea.”
“Thank God.”
“And here is our little pumpkin,” Montana said, picking up Michael.
“Awww, he’s so cute!” the girls cooed. “Can we take him with us? Please?”
“Maybe next year. He’s too young to go out now. He’s going to pass out goodies with me.”
“Besides, he might rain on Tonto,” Brian joked.
“Shut up!” Paul said, playfully punching him.
“Why is the bag of Snickers miniatures already open?” Montana wondered while emptying candy into large bowls.
“Papi ate some,” Kira spoke up.
“Busted,” Brian said.
“Paul!” Montana scolded. “They’re for the trick or treaters!”
“Some little fairy princess has a big mouth,” Paul said, raising an eyebrow. “Besides, I was hungry.”
“We just had dinner two hours ago. Good lord.”
“Tonto’s a growing boy,” Brian laughed.
“Well, luckily, the ‘growing boy’ left some for the expected callers.”
“I only had a few pieces,” Paul protested. “It isn’t like I killed the whole bag.”
“Good thing, or I would have killed you. Now, if you all are ready, it’s time to go out and fill some girls’ bags.”
“And maybe mine,” Brian said with a wicked grin. “Let’s go, Tonto. We have some work to do. High ho, away!”
Later that night:
Montana was tired; when the last of the kids had gone and the treat bowls empty, she sighed and kicked off her shoes, easing into a chair. Beside her, Michael yawned.
“You are not kidding, my little man,” she said to him. “I think someone had a long evening and ready for his bed, isn’t he? Well, let’s get you there before the tribe returns or I will never get you down in peace.”
She carried Michael upstairs, putting on a clean diaper and sleeper before putting him in his crib, waiting until he had gone to sleep before going back downstairs with the baby monitor to clean up.
Montana had just finished up when everyone had arrived home with bulging trick or treat bags, their bounty fully checked and x-rayed at the local hospital. She had rationed treats out for the girls to have before they had to dress for bed and putting the rest away.
“Don’t make a lot of noise up there,” she warned them. “Michael’s asleep.”
“What a night,” Paul said, beginning to pull off his costume.
“Damn, PL, why not strip in the middle of the living room?” Brian asked.
“My pants are still on.”
“You should have see it, Mon,” Brian said. “There were people thinking PL looked like a real Indian. It was great.”
“It wasn’t great. It was embarrassing as hell,” Paul replied.
“And then we went to this one house where this one chick lives. She had some pretty good candy, but that wasn’t all.”
“Spanky…..”
“Oh?” Montana smiled, very interested.
“The Lone Ranger didn’t have anything better to do than check out women,” Paul retorted. “Wait till Mimi gets wind of this.”
“Nah, she wasn’t my type, but damn, PL was sure hers. She was checking his ass out. I’m telling you, Mon, this chick was a bleached blond with a pair of huge—”
“SPANKY!” Paul bellowed.
Montana began to break out laughing. “I think I get the idea.”
“Yeah,” Brian continued. “Good thing you totally snatched this one up, Mon. He’d have tons of prospects otherwise.”
“Not funny, Spanky,” Paul growled.
“You’re a tit man. Nothing wrong with that. Imagine if you’d done the Tarzan costume. Woo woo. Even the gay dudes three houses down were looking him over, Mon.”
“I’m not surprised,” Montana smiled.
“Is NOTHING sacred with you?” Paul shot him a dirty look.
“Hell no. But look at it this way. God forbid, should something happen to our lovely Montana here, you should have no problem finding a replacement of either gender.”
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