Chapter 84
A few nights later, Montana had gone shopping for some items to freeze for Thanksgiving, something she’d done for years in order to avoid the last-minute rush. She knew by going early, she stood a better chance of getting a good turkey, and it could be frozen far enough ahead of time. The only things she would need at the last minute would be perishables such as produce, and that usually wasn’t difficult at all.
Now with the girls and Michael tucked away in bed and Paul out doing whatever he and Brian were into, Montana had some rare quiet time to herself, and she took advantage by sipping some of her favorite herbal tea and watch a few of her favorite programs in peace.
The late news had just ended when Montana had heard tapping on the front door. She opened it and saw Beverly standing there.
“Bev,” she said. “Is everything all right? It’s late and the kids are sleeping.”
“I just wanted to give you advance warning,” Beverly replied in a low voice. “My boyfriend’s police scanner was on and a call came over. Paul and Brian got picked up!”
“What?” Montana stared at her in shock. “What on earth happened?”
“Not sure on the entire story, but something about disorderly conduct and urinating in public.”
“Dear God,” Montana sighed. “This has to be some of Brian’s doing. Could you stay here with the kids while I go figure out what the hell is going on?”
“Of course. They’re down at County in case you were wondering, most likely still in the holding tanks.”
Montana nodded, sliding on a pair of shoes. “Thanks. I hopefully will be back with the two rebels in awhile.”
A short while later:
“Why is it every time I go out with you anymore, we end up in some kind of trouble?” Paul asked while they were in a holding cell.
“You’re the one that came up with the idea to piss on an electric fence,” Brian slurred.
“I didn’t know it would send shock waves.”
“Dude, even the biggest moron would know power and piss don’t mix. And it wasn’t cool when you pushed me into the thing either. You’re lucky I didn’t get fried.”
“You shouldn’t have laughed at me, dumb ass.”
“Hey, I may have pissed on the fence, but I wasn’t the one that climbed under it and ran all over the pasture half naked before the cops showed up.”
“Yeah, too bad. That one cop had a nice ass.”
“Jesus, Spanky. From now on, you are not touching any more Corona.”
Paul then noticed that Brian was staring at him with a drunken smile.
“What?” hel asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Brian plopped himself into Paul’s lap, much to Paul’s dismay. “I love you so much, PL. Why you put up with all my shit, I don’t know, but I really love you.”
“Get off of me, Spanky,“ Paul grunted, trying to shove him off.
Brian didn’t budge, wrapping his arms around Paul’s neck and planting a huge kiss on his cheek.
“GET OFF OF ME!” Paul yelled, shoving Brian to the floor. “Jesus Christ, you really want people to think we’re homos?”
“Is that a problem?”
“This is not the time, drunk ass.”
A guard then knocked on the cell door. “Hate to interrupt you lovebirds, but someone is here to pick you two up. Either one of you know someone named Montana?”
“Yes,” Paul replied, and then glared at Brian before turning back to the guard. “She’s my wife.”
“Then you’re free to go.” The guard then unlocked the door, releasing the pair.
“Come on, Alkie,” Paul said, dragging Brian. “Let’s go sleep off your cocktails.”
They arrived at the lobby after collecting their personal belonging several minutes later, finding Montana with her arms crossed and shaking her head.
“Uh, Mon, listen, I can–” Paul began.
“Save it,” she replied. “You’re lucky Beverly’s uncle is an attorney and was able to help me get you two out before this got on the news sites, or worse, back to management. What the hell were you thinking?”
“PL pissed on an electric fence,” Brian slurred as Paul dumped him into the back seat, where he had begun to doze off and snore not long after.
“Great, you not only get into mischief, you’re also trying to get yourselves killed. Sometimes I think you’re worse than the kids.”
“Oh, you haven’t heard the best of it,” Paul continued. “After the pissing thing, Spanky’s drunk, half naked ass went under the fence and chased cows around.”
“What?” Montana gave him a strange look.
“I was like ‘Poor Betsy,’ “ Paul replied.
“Well, I guess that proves the theory anything looks good when you had a few too many.” Montana shook her head.
“I hope that's not what he was doing. He was going up to each cow, petting them, and being like ‘Can I have some milk?’ It was at that point it was time to cut off his Corona supply and not long after, the cops showed up.”
“Um, remind me not to go out drinking with you two anytime soon.” Montana made a face.
“Remind me not to go out drinking with Spanky period after this. How did you find out we got busted anyway?”
“Beverly came over. She said she heard about you two getting picked up on her boyfriend’s police scanner. That’s when we called her uncle and she agreed to stay with the kids while I came to get you guys. Lucky for you two party boys, the two charges are misdemeanors, so you shouldn’t be facing too much trouble.”
“Okay.”
“He’s going to try to get things wrapped up as quietly and fast as possible so no sites get hold of this. I don’t want either of you in trouble, especially with the push Sleeping Beauty back there is currently getting.”
They soon arrived home, Paul poking at Brian. “Hey, Drunky Boy, we’ve arrived back at
la casa. Let’s get inside and get you comfy.”
“Carry me?”
“Forget it. Move your own ass.”
“I’ll call Mariah,” Montana offered when they got inside. “I think at this point someone should stay here if we want to keep him alive.”
She then turned to Beverly. “Were the kids okay?”
Beverly nodded. “The girls never woke up. Michael woke up for a bottle and then went right back to sleep not long after I fed him. He is such a good baby.”
“Yeah, I have more trouble with the big baby here,” Montana answered, indicating Paul.
“Come on now, I only had a couple.”
“Which was still a couple too many and you peed on an electric fence.”
“Yeah, true. Still, it was Spanky that got wasted and chased cows.”
“Chased what?” Beverly looked confused.
“You know Brian has had too much to drink when he's asking farm animals for a beverage,” Paul clarified.
“Uh, I don’t think you need to elaborate,” Beverly chuckled. “Anyway, Mon, I need to head back home while you put these big babies to bed.”
“Right,” Montana nodded. “Thanks again for everything.”
She turned to Paul after Beverly was gone. “Go get your drinking buddy there some pillows and blankets while I call Mariah. Be lucky it isn’t you that will be on the couch tonight.”
“Sure. I’ll meet you upstairs in a bit.”
Jesus, he thought as he got out the blankets and pillows from the linen closet, how do I always get myself into these things?
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